I will start with the fact that I still love him after all we have been through and still want to get back together.
We have been married for 6 years now, together for 10 years. He was having an affair with a colleague from past 2 years which I got to know about in June 2016. He says the affair was more of an emotional one and not a physical one. He feels that we have been drifting apart from past few years and haven't been really like a couple.
He's blaming the victim and justifying his actions, while ensuring the chasm widens.
I was more focused on my career and what not.. Initially when I got to know about the affair he was guilty and wanted nothing more than to be together and makes things better. But when I asked him to break contact with the other girl he seemed hesitant to do that but did anyhow. Few weeks later I found them again being in contact and we got into a big fight. After that day his behaviour is completely changed and he started saying he doesn't have any feelings for me anymore nor for the other girl! he can't stay with me and always feel guilty or under my suspicion. It would be best for us to divorce and have separate lives.
You have to respect his choices ans actions. Your task is to inform him that you ask him to end it, and that you will not monitor him. This places responsibility on him. If you become the police, then he has no responsibility and will act like it. You also present yourself to be a less desirable mate. There is what works and what doesn't.
he doesn't want to tell the family yet as 'he is still thinking' but his behaviour with me is completely changed, he seems irritated with me most of the times, doesn't talk to me unless absolutely necessary, doesn't answer my phone or text. He is trying to convince me to see the logic behind his thought process. He seems to truly believe that there is no going back for us/getting back together.
And there might be. He also might be playing you, to get you to drop the scrutiny and Chase HIM.
But I do not believe this, I still feel we can be happy together. I seriously don't know how should I behave with him, if I always try to talk to him I come across as needy and pushy but if I also don't make the effort we might drift apart evermore!
I have no idea what I should be doing.
You are implying an ideal, rather than contending with reality.
I recommend you to take responsibility for yourself. That's it. If you love him, then present yourself as willing to work to reconcile. At the same time, make sure that he is responsible for showing up or not. He will play more games to dissuade you. See through them and make sure he takes responsibility. Beg for nothing. Convince him of nothing.
You are a valuable person. Let's make sure a healthy relationship is restored or a healthy and independent single gal is reborn, as the Phoenix. Posted via Mobile Device