Together for 8 years and married for 5. Both mid 30's.
We had a great relationship and have had our share of issues. For me, it was my anxiety and depression. I grew up in a broken family and it affedec me as an adult. My wife always was good about supporting me through therapy, in times where I took steps back and always praised me by progress I made. For her, it was her drinking. Throughout our relationship, she's had stages where she was drinking every night and not doing her fair share of housework and blowing me off for dates and family events. These bursts would last about a month and when I put my foot down, she would be good for about a year. I grew up with an alcoholic father and always told her, I'll love and support a recovering addict but I will walk away from an addict that won't take responsibility. I've developed strong boundaries and have a great al-anon group I attend a few times a week.
Last year, she began drinking heavily again and she started coming home at 3am every night. It was when one of my siblings passed, and she was drunk at his funeral is when I walked away and said call me when you get better. I got a phone call from her mom that night saying it's over and to never talk to her again. My wife can be a coward and in this situation it shows. I've spoken to my wife a few times after this, she would rewrite history and somehow try to gaslight me and tell me I'm crazy for not remembering these false accusations like psychical abuse, verbal abuse and neglect. We weren't a high conflict couple, we argued like everyone else but we both were amazed how after an argument we could sit down and talk things out and move on.
People have mentioned there may be another man involved? There might be, but I'm not wasting any energy to figure it out. We're separated, it's none of my business.
After a month of NC I began to pursue her and beg and plead, all the things we're told not to do. I was met with anger, insults and just her being mean to me. She told me I'm controlling with her alcohol consumption and it's perfectly normal to drink every night, because her co-workers do it. Her arguments sound like they're coming from a 10 year old. She even told me "my mom says you're wrong and I'm allowed to drink all I want, keep in mind her mom is an addict. This is coming from a well-educated woman with a very high IQ and prestigious career.
My desire to fix the marriage has never left, but I knew when to give up. She never did much with the divorce process. I began trying to talk to her and work it out peacefully and have a mutual divorce, she got some lawyer to contact me and I began discussing with him. I eventually hired my own attorney to speak to her's. She told me her parents will pay for the divorce, because I'm physically abusive and horrible an all
Our attorneys worked out the details, our assets are already split and all she needs to do is have her attorney to send my attorney papers to sign. Ever since I stopped pursuing her, contacting her and began living my life it seems she stopped pushing the divorce. I'm looking good, have updated facebook pictures of me doing awesome things with friends, and have more or less accepted the divorce and haven't thought much about it. I'm letting my attorney figure it out.
Ever since I did this unintentional 180, I haven't heard a peep from her. Her attorney won't respond to my attorney's requests for updated for the past three months. I tried contacting her being like "hey, we both want this, let's move it along, and she has gone dark. But the divorce is idle.
Do you think my accidental 180 has struck a cord and since I'm doing something different, I might get different results?
As I mentioned, if she wants a divorce, I'll agree 100%. I'm not going to force someone to be with me.
But if there's any chance to reconcile, I want to at least try.