Need Advise Went on long Enough - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 06:24 PM Thread Starter
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Need Advise Went on long Enough

Hello,

Never done anything like this but here goes. My wife cheated on me 3 years ago and we go a divorce. We have a small child together. Ever since we separated and even divorced we both have not been able to let go of one another. She was even be engaged to marry someone else and they broke it off weeks before they were set to get married. After that we started to hang out but that ended because she couldnt see herself being intimate with me again. We stop talking and then 6 months later she text me in thoughts of trying to work it out again. For 4 months we talked, hung out very little and I done everything I could to do more things with her and try to really reconcile with her and constantly got she wanted to reconcile but couldn't get past the thoughts of being intimate with me again. After continuing to see nothing really happening and didn't hardly talk for a few days I asked if this was going anywhere. Her reply was I want it but cant get past it of being intimate with me. I know all the signs are there but cant figure out other than being her safety net what the heck is the deal. I don't trust her because I haven't had a reason to trust her. Anytime of being around her or on the phone I constantly hear her phone going off and replying to texts. She told me she wouldn't be questioned of what she is doing. There has been other guys try to get with her since her engagement was called off so I am pretty much under the impression she enjoys the attention to much to really try to see if she could be intimate with me and don't think she really meant saying she wanted to try to reconcile. We have spoken at all in 5 days other than about out child together. Its hard to let go because ive always wanted my family back but I just don't think it will ever happen and will always be used. We I tried to date one other person it wasn't good because she would indicated what I should or should not do because it would make it hard on our child. I just don't have the answer anymore other than there's probably someone new that has came along and she wanted to cut ties with me again saying she cant see herself being intimate with me. Thoughts?

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post #2 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 06:26 PM
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Re: Need Advise Went on long Enough

Why put yourself through all this? Do you really think so little of yourself?
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post #3 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 06:29 PM
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Re: Need Advise Went on long Enough

Just a thought, but have you considered that she's saving you? As in, "I don't want to share" and "just in case"?

Personal opinion here, but I wouldn't try to date my ex. I wouldn't want to have to go through the big D all over again. Especially if we divorced over cheating.

Perhaps try dating other people again, but this time don't discuss it with her, and don't let her tell you what to do. Just be polite, and refrain from initiating contact outside of child related issues. She's not your wife. Not anymore.

Do you hear the people sing / Lost in the valley of the night?
It is the music of a people / Who are climbing to the light.
For the wretched of the earth / There is a flame that never dies.
Even the darkest night will end / And the sun will rise...
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post #4 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 06:33 PM
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Re: Need Advise Went on long Enough

She enjoys keeping you on a string like a puppet. Once you finally realize that you will be ready to move on without her. She wants you to look but don't touch? F that!
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post #5 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 06:34 PM
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Re: Need Advise Went on long Enough

Does she give you super-powers or something?

It must be something special to take being treated this way.

What makes her so special?

Holes burn deep in your chest,
Raked by machine gun fire.
Screaming soul sent out to die,
Living mandatory suicide.
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post #6 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 06:38 PM
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Re: Need Advise Went on long Enough

Place control back in your life and focus on your daughter... embrace that which brings you joy, discard that which doesn't.

Let go... no new growth will come without it.
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post #7 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 06:40 PM
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Re: Need Advise Went on long Enough

Like you said its gone on long enough.
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post #8 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 06:48 PM
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Re: Need Advise Went on long Enough

You will never grow tall.

You will never grow tall because she is standing on your head.

One bare foot on your toupee and one in you mouth for balance and support.
.................................................. .................................................. ..................................
Go the the nearest river. Find a calm section. Bend over as far as you can.

Look at the reflection. What do you see? Only you.

Live for that person who smiles back at you from that river.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #9 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 06:51 PM
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Re: Need Advise Went on long Enough

Quote:
Originally Posted by SunCMars View Post
You will never grow tall.

You will never grow tall because she is standing on your head.

One bare foot on your toupee and one in you mouth for balance and support.
.................................................. .................................................. ..................................
Go the the nearest river. Find a calm section. Bend over as far as you can.

Look at the reflection. What do you see? Only you.

Live for that person who smiles back at you from that river.
I finally understood one of your posts!

Well at least most of it.

I still don't get the part about "One bare foot on your toupee and one in you mouth for balance and support."
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post #10 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 06:52 PM
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Re: Need Advise Went on long Enough

You're a weak doormat. Why don't you have any confidence? Are you bald? Are you fat? Are you ugly? Common, open up and tell us. I'm not trying to be mean. Let's get personal and see why you are allowing someone that is evil to control your life.

You're a great candidate to read No More Mr. Nice Guy. Free download here: https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glo...r_Nice_Guy.pdf

Read it tonight and post back. Won't take you more than a couple hours for the first read.

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post #11 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 08:32 PM
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Re: Need Advise Went on long Enough

Remove her from your life to the absolute furthest degree possible.

Communicate w/ her concerning your child and NOTHING else.

If she starts giving you dating advice again, immediately end the conversation.

If she asks about whether or not you're dating, who you're dating, etc, kindly remind her that your love life is no longer either her business or her concern. To use her verbiage, you "won't be questioned" on any of that.

Stop taking her phone calls. If she texts you about anything that doesn't directly concern your child, ignore it.

And obviously this means that you're going to have to STOP HANGING OUT WITH HER. (Geeeeezzz...)

You're not going to be able to get over her and heal until you cut the cord.

So cut the f*cking cord already.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #12 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 08:40 PM
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Re: Need Advise Went on long Enough

She can't **** you but anybody else is fine? You need to believe in yourself enough to get a woman who wants all of you.

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #13 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 08:43 PM
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Re: Need Advise Went on long Enough

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Originally Posted by jj1984 View Post
Hello,

Never done anything like this but here goes. My wife cheated on me 3 years ago and we go a divorce. We have a small child together. Ever since we separated and even divorced we both have not been able to let go of one another. She was even be engaged to marry someone else and they broke it off weeks before they were set to get married. After that we started to hang out but that ended because she couldnt see herself being intimate with me again. We stop talking and then 6 months later she text me in thoughts of trying to work it out again. For 4 months we talked, hung out very little and I done everything I could to do more things with her and try to really reconcile with her and constantly got she wanted to reconcile but couldn't get past the thoughts of being intimate with me again. After continuing to see nothing really happening and didn't hardly talk for a few days I asked if this was going anywhere. Her reply was I want it but cant get past it of being intimate with me. I know all the signs are there but cant figure out other than being her safety net what the heck is the deal. I don't trust her because I haven't had a reason to trust her. Anytime of being around her or on the phone I constantly hear her phone going off and replying to texts. She told me she wouldn't be questioned of what she is doing. There has been other guys try to get with her since her engagement was called off so I am pretty much under the impression she enjoys the attention to much to really try to see if she could be intimate with me and don't think she really meant saying she wanted to try to reconcile. We have spoken at all in 5 days other than about out child together. Its hard to let go because ive always wanted my family back but I just don't think it will ever happen and will always be used. We I tried to date one other person it wasn't good because she would indicated what I should or should not do because it would make it hard on our child. I just don't have the answer anymore other than there's probably someone new that has came along and she wanted to cut ties with me again saying she cant see herself being intimate with me. Thoughts?
Sounds toxic, I find myself feeling the most sorry for the poor rebound guy who thought he was marrying your ex. At least he got out of her trap though. Something is wrong that you don't want better for yourself, but you are never going to get better for yourself while you keep idealizing the unhealthy relationship. Seriously what is the benefit, life is way too short. Your ex is an emotional succubus, and you are caught in her nightmare.
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post #14 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 08:44 PM
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Re: Need Advise Went on long Enough

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Originally Posted by browser View Post
I finally understood one of your posts!

Well at least most of it.

I still don't get the part about "One bare foot on your toupee and one in you mouth for balance and support."
He should start all of his posts with - Riddle me this.
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post #15 of 26 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 08:55 PM
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Re: Need Advise Went on long Enough

You realize xe she is stringing you along...and what is sadder is your buying into it....also she is okay being intimate with the other men but not you....that is being ****old with the pleasure of marriage...you got divorce for a reason....she cheated on you....
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