Getting Back - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 07:31 PM Thread Starter
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Getting Back

My wife and i have been together for 14 years 8 of those legally married we have 2 boys 6 and 3, am 27 years old, last year february we decided that i would leave the country to go to college once i was finished they would move here this was due to our economical situation since in Cuba things are difficult, we were apart for over a year i went to visit in july for a month and it was great we both changed a lot, older more mature etc. in september i decided i wanted a divorce because she was jealous all the time and a had a lot on my plate so we split up didnt get legally divorced, in november we started sending each other emails talking etc and she asked me that if it was really over so that she could move on, i guessed correctly she was seen someone, i never thought she would get into a new relationship even after i pushed her away stupid thinking on my part, i told her i wanted her back that i made a mistake and i loved her so she made the decision to break the relationship she had to be with me even though i won't be seen her in the next 18 months or so. i love her and she was totally honest with me about what she had that it was always very discreet he never stayed in our home my kids don't know anything nor does her familiy they just know him as her friend, but i don't know if am making the right decision, i don't feel angry or anything like that towards her i think it was mainly my fault that she had this relationship since i pushed her away. We both want to make our marriage work but i don't know if this is the right thing to do. i feel very insecure that she was going to move on if i had said that i did want a divorce, but she warned me before getting serious so i guess she still does love me..

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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 07:33 PM
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Re: Getting Back

Be secure in the reality that had you finished dumping your wife.....she would have moved on. Why wouldn't she?

Time to be a grown up here. This is a human being you are playing games with.

Holes burn deep in your chest,
Raked by machine gun fire.
Screaming soul sent out to die,
Living mandatory suicide.
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 07:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting Back

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Originally Posted by MarriedDude View Post
Be secure in the reality that had you finished dumping your wife.....she would have moved on. Why wouldn't she?

Time to be a grown up here. This is a human being you are playing games with.
Am not playing games with her i love her and value her now more than ever and won't let her go again am really more worried that she will leave me for this guy in the future, i won't leave her am determined to make it work.
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 07:37 PM
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Re: Getting Back

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Originally Posted by Roadkill View Post
My wife and i have been together for 14 years 8 of those legally married we have 2 boys 6 and 3, am 27 years old, last year february we decided that i would leave the country to go to college once i was finished they would move here this was due to our economical situation since in Cuba things are difficult, we were apart for over a year i went to visit in july for a month and it was great we both changed a lot, older more mature etc. in september i decided i wanted a divorce because she was jealous all the time and a had a lot on my plate so we split up didnt get legally divorced, in november we started sending each other emails talking etc and she asked me that if it was really over so that she could move on, i guessed correctly she was seen someone, i never thought she would get into a new relationship even after i pushed her away stupid thinking on my part, i told her i wanted her back that i made a mistake and i loved her so she made the decision to break the relationship she had to be with me even though i won't be seen her in the next 18 months or so. i love her and she was totally honest with me about what she had that it was always very discreet he never stayed in our home my kids don't know anything nor does her familiy they just know him as her friend, but i don't know if am making the right decision, i don't feel angry or anything like that towards her i think it was mainly my fault that she had this relationship since i pushed her away. We both want to make our marriage work but i don't know if this is the right thing to do. i feel very insecure that she was going to move on if i had said that i did want a divorce, but she warned me before getting serious so i guess she still does love me..
what other problems are there besides her being jealous all the time, and you having too much on your plate?

describe her jealous behavior in more detail so we respond better.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 07:38 PM
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Re: Getting Back

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Originally Posted by Roadkill View Post
My wife and i have been together for 14 years 8 of those legally married we have 2 boys 6 and 3, am 27 years old, last year february we decided that i would leave the country to go to college once i was finished they would move here this was due to our economical situation since in Cuba things are difficult, we were apart for over a year i went to visit in july for a month and it was great we both changed a lot, older more mature etc. in september i decided i wanted a divorce because she was jealous all the time and a had a lot on my plate so we split up didnt get legally divorced, in november we started sending each other emails talking etc and she asked me that if it was really over so that she could move on, i guessed correctly she was seen someone, i never thought she would get into a new relationship even after i pushed her away stupid thinking on my part, i told her i wanted her back that i made a mistake and i loved her so she made the decision to break the relationship she had to be with me even though i won't be seen her in the next 18 months or so. i love her and she was totally honest with me about what she had that it was always very discreet he never stayed in our home my kids don't know anything nor does her familiy they just know him as her friend, but i don't know if am making the right decision, i don't feel angry or anything like that towards her i think it was mainly my fault that she had this relationship since i pushed her away. We both want to make our marriage work but i don't know if this is the right thing to do. i feel very insecure that she was going to move on if i had said that i did want a divorce, but she warned me before getting serious so i guess she still does love me..
what other problems are there besides her being jealous all the time, and you having too much on your plate?

describe her jealous behavior in more detail so we respond better. and why do you think she was jealous? did you give her any reason to be?
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 07:41 PM
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Re: Getting Back

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Originally Posted by Roadkill View Post
Am not playing games with her i love her and value her now more than ever and won't let her go again am really more worried that she will leave me for this guy in the future, i won't leave her am determined to make it work.
All you can do is make sure that you are always the better option.

Holes burn deep in your chest,
Raked by machine gun fire.
Screaming soul sent out to die,
Living mandatory suicide.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 07:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting Back

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Originally Posted by jorgegene View Post
what other problems are there besides her being jealous all the time, and you having too much on your plate?

describe her jealous behavior in more detail so we respond better. and why do you think she was jealous? did you give her any reason to be?
Honestly other than that none, when i lived in Cuba i didnt look after my personal appearance i was very fat and once i got here i started going to the gym lost a bunch of weight and i think she might be jealous because she's worried or something it started when i went in the holidays she was used to me been fat and ugly i guess i dunno, oh and yeah she says am in college surrounded by women and am computer science student there are almost no women not that i would look at any of them if there were. i have never cheated on her in 14 years she's the only woman i have been with in all my life but all the jelousy was driving me insane.
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-13-2016, 12:45 PM
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Re: Getting Back

So you dump your wife then act shocked when she tries to move on. REALLY?? Do her a favor and let her go.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-13-2016, 12:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting Back

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Originally Posted by 3Xnocharm View Post
So you dump your wife then act shocked when she tries to move on. REALLY?? Do her a favor and let her go.

Thanks for the advice but we are both going to and make it work, we still love each other.
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-13-2016, 04:37 PM
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Re: Getting Back

Nothing to lose by trying.

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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 07:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Getting Back

So just doing a follow up on this, i made the decision to let this play out and by that i mean that i told her i don't want to get in the way of her new relationship if she wants to she can move even though she says she still loves me and so do i, but i feel like am being an obstacle in her path and she needs to see what's out there in order to value what we had or forget about it, i still have 4 years of college and in that time i won't be able to visit Cuba to see her or my kids due to economical reasons, but we agreed that when we do meet again if we still have feelings for each other and are willing to try again we will do so, but for now i think it's best we just stay friends for both our emotional sakes and our kids and i do believe when we see each other again we won't hesitate to fix things i might be wrong she might forget about me with this or another guy or i might forget about her but am willing to take that chance no matter how much it hurts if we are meant to be together we will be.
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