Should I expose the affair? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-21-2017, 09:19 AM
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Re: Should I expose the affair?

^^yes

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post #32 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-21-2017, 04:44 PM
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Re: Should I expose the affair?

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Originally Posted by ChipperE View Post
My husband started seeing a coworker three weeks into our separation. My husband has admitted that they flirted leading up to our separation and that as soon as he announced his separation that she began to say she wanted to pursue a relationship with him. I will say upfront that my H has gone through all his texts with me so I've seen the exchanges and believe that they back up his story.

We are now reconciling, we are on session 10 of marriage counseling and he's switched jobs. They are completely NC and he broke it off with her prior to us getting back together. (they dated for about 6 weeks). Contacted him a few times after the break up, going as far as to leave letters on his car and on his desk (they were very much in the tone of "you broke my heart" "you are heartless" "you're a liar"). He has been very transparent with me, and he is taking all the steps the MC has suggested.

She has now backed off, however there's one thing that is bothering me. This woman has a fiance. She has 3 kids (her ex-husband has custody) and this guy does everything for them. He seems like a genuinely good guy. My husband says he feels like a huge a-hole because the (2) times they slept together, the first time was in the bed she shared with her fiance, and the second time was at the company Christmas party. The story is that H was drunk and she left her fiance in their hotel room and said she was going to hang out with a girl from the office when, in fact, she was coming to my H's room. That night H ended up kicking her out of the room because he was drunk, couldn't perform and she got mad about it.

Anyway, there's all the sordid details. Although I am working through my hurt and the fact that my H was with another woman, at least I know we were split up at the time. She was actively with her fiance, and this guy has no clue who he is marrying. I do NOT want revenge on her, although she has tried to start drama in my life. I just know I would want to know if it were me. Should I contact the fiance and let him know this, or leave it alone?
For what it's worth, you should probably accept that OW is dead on in her assessment of your husband, especially given that he's a serial wayward.

And yes, you should absolutely expose the affair to OW's fiancé -- do NOT let the guy marry this slag w/o the truth.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #33 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-21-2017, 04:45 PM
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Re: Should I expose the affair?

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Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
Your husband is quite the spin doctor, isn't he?

He's managed to paint himself just about as innocent as he can in this whole thing.

Nicely played.

Of course you should tell the fiance. But don't tell your husband before you do it because I can pretty much guarantee you he'll run RIGHT to the OW and warn her. You can BANK on that.
Yep.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #34 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 12:14 PM
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Re: Should I expose the affair?

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I was engaged to a guy for 3 years who spent the whole 3 years cheating on me with his old gf. Everyone knew. Nobody told me. The only reason I found out was he took MY car to take her on a date to the beach and crashed my car. I felt like the biggest fool on the planet. More than that, I was furious that nobody told me because that told me all I needed to know about where they placed me in their list of priorities.
That must have been horrible. Did you disown your friends that didn't tell you anything?

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #35 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 02:21 PM
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Re: Should I expose the affair?

Yeah. They were all his friends first, anyway.
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post #36 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 04:46 PM
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Re: Should I expose the affair?

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That's definitely how I feel in some regards. I hate drama. I hate knowing I will hurt someone, but the guilt of knowing this genuinely nice guy is getting ready to make a HUGE mistake just kills me. I was thinking anonymously is the way to go.
Well she hasnt done anything your husband hasnt done, and you haven't thrown him out because of it so maybe he wouldn't either if he knew.
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post #37 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 04:50 PM
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Re: Should I expose the affair?

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Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
Your husband is quite the spin doctor, isn't he?

He's managed to paint himself just about as innocent as he can in this whole thing.

Nicely played.

Of course you should tell the fiance. But don't tell your husband before you do it because I can pretty much guarantee you he'll run RIGHT to the OW and warn her. You can BANK on that.
Yep I agree. Its amazing how many cheated on spouses will put nearly all the blame on the other person, and very little on their spouses. Weird that.
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post #38 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 04:54 PM
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Re: Should I expose the affair?

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Your husband shouldn't just feel like an A-hole, he IS an A-hole!!!

I am curious as to what you see in him to take him back after this! He is as big a scumb@g as she is! They both deserve to be run over by Karma bus!

As for the other betrayed spouse/bf, he absolutely deserves to know and your husband and her deserve to face the consequences - i.e. they should both take their lumps. I hope the fiancé finds out and kicks the sh!t out of your "husband". And then dumps her skanky a$$ !!!
I agree and I think that if the husband is REALLY sorry, then he needs to go and own up to her fiance and apologise.He wasnt sorry enough after the first time not to do it again was he.
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post #39 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 04:59 PM
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Re: Should I expose the affair?

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Originally Posted by ChipperE View Post
My husband started seeing a coworker three weeks into our separation. My husband has admitted that they flirted leading up to our separation and that as soon as he announced his separation that she began to say she wanted to pursue a relationship with him. I will say upfront that my H has gone through all his texts with me so I've seen the exchanges and believe that they back up his story.

We are now reconciling, we are on session 10 of marriage counseling and he's switched jobs. They are completely NC and he broke it off with her prior to us getting back together. (they dated for about 6 weeks). Contacted him a few times after the break up, going as far as to leave letters on his car and on his desk (they were very much in the tone of "you broke my heart" "you are heartless" "you're a liar"). He has been very transparent with me, and he is taking all the steps the MC has suggested.

She has now backed off, however there's one thing that is bothering me. This woman has a fiance. She has 3 kids (her ex-husband has custody) and this guy does everything for them. He seems like a genuinely good guy. My husband says he feels like a huge a-hole because the (2) times they slept together, the first time was in the bed she shared with her fiance, and the second time was at the company Christmas party. The story is that H was drunk and she left her fiance in their hotel room and said she was going to hang out with a girl from the office when, in fact, she was coming to my H's room. That night H ended up kicking her out of the room because he was drunk, couldn't perform and she got mad about it.

Anyway, there's all the sordid details. Although I am working through my hurt and the fact that my H was with another woman, at least I know we were split up at the time. She was actively with her fiance, and this guy has no clue who he is marrying. I do NOT want revenge on her, although she has tried to start drama in my life. I just know I would want to know if it were me. Should I contact the fiance and let him know this, or leave it alone?
No YOU dont expose it, your husband does, by being a man and going to him and apologising to him. This will show if he really does feel terrible about it or is just saying that to get you back.

The fact that you weren't living in the same house and they were makes no difference, they are equally responsible.
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post #40 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 09:52 AM
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Re: Should I expose the affair?

ABSOLUTELY YES you should expose! And as someone else mentioned, DO NOT tell your husband you are doing so.


Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
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post #41 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 10:57 AM
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Re: Should I expose the affair?

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Originally Posted by 3Xnocharm View Post
ABSOLUTELY YES you should expose! And as someone else mentioned, DO NOT tell your husband you are doing so.
Doing otherwise will allow your WH to alert his AP to the oncoming exposure, which will allow her to spin you as a crazy jealous lady and gaslight her chump fiancé.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #42 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 07:29 PM
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Re: Should I expose the affair?

I personally would not bother telling her fiance. Thier relationship would be none of my concern. I don't feel that I'm "entitled" to know anything if I can't find out myself. If he makes the mistake of marrying that woman, that's a life lesson he needs to learn from. Plus, I have plenty of my own mistakes to learn from, I don't have the time to invest in researching the personal mistakes of others.

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post #43 of 43 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 07:40 PM
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Re: Should I expose the affair?

Golden Rule: if you were the fiance, would you want to know that you were about to marry a serial cheater?
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