Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Away and beyond in a hot place
Still in R: an update
For those of you who are interested.
Christmas and New Year was great, kids were home, we went on holiday, had a blast.
Back to work , how quickly 2017 has come and it's a month in.
H and I still working, still getting on, few blips on the road. He is travelling a lot though. He is away currently. I enjoy my alone time, and use the time to meet friends, have a quiet eve in with good movies, get work done, etc. I enjoy my own company tremenduously.
However, today had a trigger, don't know what it was, something I read about rugsweeping.
Whether we want them to or not, truths don’t just go away, and until they are given their proper place in the light, they cause us pain, drain our energy, and keep us longing. To deny the truth of our needs, desires, hurts, disappointments, and dreams is to abandon ourselves. And self-abandonment is among the most intimate forms of pain we’ll ever know.
I started to question whether I am abandoning myself by being in this reconciliation with my H, the man who has caused me so much pain, the man who still hasn't really come clean about so much in the last 6 years. Yes, he is still sober, still doing IC (not as often) but the past has not been fully exposed. I still don't trust him. As the article said, truths do not just go away and must be given the proper light.
The author continues
No matter how beautiful a rug we’ve woven, how good we are at tidying around it, or how tucked away we’ve managed to keep it, the things we’ve swept beneath it affect us every day, in subtle, and not-so-subtle ways. As much as I wish it weren’t true, they also affect those we love.
We’re not often encouraged to sort the messier aspects of our lives in the light. We may never have been given permission to own the fullness of our stories
How to keep looking forward...............and pretending the past is in the past? Am I just weaving a beautiful rug?