Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced
I want to be fair and say that she tried, harder than I did. She probably tried to talk to me 20 times before leaving. In the beginning it was just "hey why don't we try this" and ended up being "I'm not happy, we need to do something or I'm leaving". I didn't take her seriously and the next chat I got was "I met someone and I have feelings for him" she still hadn't decided to leave at that point, she asked me to try, and I told her to go. I don't think I actually thought she would. I believe her that she didn't physically cheat. She had plenty of times she could have used that to hurt me or just piss me off. It wouldn't have impacted our divorce. Emotionally, that's a different story.
She is also not suffering for money. She met her 2nd ex-husband at work. I saw her pay check recently and she is making $1480/week. Plus receiving $4K/month in child support and $2K/month in alimony from ex-husband #2. She was also awarded the house in the divorce. It honestly scares me a bit. She ****ed ex-husband #2 over in court, not to say he didn't deserve it. She convinced him to get snipped, then slapped him with divorce papers and proof of his affair. Wound up with a good chunk of his pay check for the next 16 years, the house, full custody. Pretty sure he paid for court costs as well. All for a 20-year-old piece of ass.
I hated her for a long time, I couldn't see the reality. She didn't hate me, she was hurt though. We have been on good terms for a long time, after I realized my part in the failed marriage.
There are things that worry me and I don't think I would marry her again. Since my divorce I have said that I'm not going to marry again unless it's perfect and all the stars align. I can't change that for my ex-wife. She still has a thing for the very fit, ripped men much more so than when we were married. I'm an average guy. 5'10, 160lb, no visible muscle. I'm not the type to decide last minute to jump on a plane to the first available destination (not that she could now anyway). To an extent, she has kept up with the athletic lifestyle when she has time to do so. I'm still not going to jump out of any planes or climb a ****ing rock. The difference is now she has friends to do those things with, before she did not. When we met she was a virgin, she had a couple teenage relationships but nothing serious. I asked, she said she has only had sex with me, her 2nd ex-husband and some guy they brought into the relationship a couple times. I am worried that I'm just her safe zone. Her safe landing spot when her world was turned upside down. I don't want to go through the past again when the next man comes along. I don't want to be her Plan B. She is 35 with 5 kids and divorced twice. She's very attractive BUT, you are right when you say how many men in that age range want what she brings to the table.
She has been on her best behavior trying to prove herself to me/sucking up. At every possibility she does things that I like or use to like. A while ago I said that I'd try again with her but there would be no guarantees and I'm not going to limit myself to just her (stupid to say), but she cannot see anyone else. She was hurt that I wouldn't give her the same level of exclusiveness that she was required to give but said yes. I'm not seeing anyone else, she doesn't know that and tries to ask questions that would indicate whether I am or not. Oral sex was never really her thing before, she'd do it, but didn't enjoy it and that was obvious. When we had sex she insisted on giving me a bj for quite a while and it was quite good. But then I remember whose **** she had to suck to learn that.
She was quite hurt when she discovered her husband was banging a 20-year-old, sometimes the ******* side of me is almost happy. Karma.
She has admitted that there were things she could have done differently. Changed jobs to be away from him, refused to talk to him rather than getting closer to him, she went out with him and friends and admitted that should not have happened. Neither of us are the same people we were 10 years ago.
The point of not living together is good. That needs to wait a long time. I don't want to jump into anything. We are not telling the kids anything.
I dated quite a bit over the last 8 years. Sometimes seriously, other times just for fun. I had a couple relationships but they didn't amount to anything serious. My ex-wife has prodded about how many women I was with but I haven't given her that information. I went through some phases of sleeping around often, had a better sex life than I did while married. My ex-wife is jealous and I kind of like it.
When we were married our sex life started off great. We had sex daily and she was into it. As time went on and I started giving her less and less of me she started giving me less of herself. By the end of our marriage, and when she met ex-husband #2, we were not having sex at all. MAYBE twice in the last year.
The other children are a concern. Her 3 youngest are not mine and I'm not going to take over and be dad. They do still see their dad when he wants to see them. I believe he has every other weekend and every Wednesday. He does take them on days that he isn't scheduled to have them. So not a total deadbeat. IF we reconciled and IF we moved back in together they would be this constant reminder of a whole other life she had with that dickwad. I wouldn't take anger out on the kids, ever. I've spent quite a bit of time with them, when we go out as a family.
I don't know what I'm going to do. I thought this would just be an old flame, run its course and end but thus far, no.