Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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post #16 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 01:28 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

I can go either way on this one. No, I am not metro-sexual!

She thought the grass was greener on the other side of the fence. She found out IT WAS. She had a blast with this guy, doing all the things he wanted to do.

However, she did it FOR HIM. He read right through her. He realized that she was YOUR IMAGE of her, NOT HIS.

Your wife is Mrs. Average. She is not an active outdoor women. She is an average housewife, who does cooking, shopping, taking the kids places. She likes to relax and do her hobbies.

This guy WAS HOT. She WAS NOT. He dumped her by cheating on her with a FOR REAL hot young women who has the adventure spirit still in her. The housewife persona has not risen yet in her young chest. This young hottie is not hearing her biological clock screaming for children.

At one time you were Plan A, then you were Plan B.....a turd that she decided to dump. Now you are what??

You have won her back. Her oyster is now back in your bed. Can you hold on to it?

Every one will see that you are the better man. She DID come back.

If you have strong feelings for her, I would take her back. But, it would be on your terms. You will tell her that she will be treated properly this time around.

Now, the hard part. She has to earn your trust back. Do not let her move in with you again. Tell her that her oyster is now unavailable to anyone else......again.

Tell her, "Against your better judgement" you will give this a try.....for the children's sake.

If you want "R" to work, do not abuse her, berate her....be friendly and upbeat. Be that man that you should have been before.

But, GAWD...please do not let her dictate anything, do not let her get the upper
hand, do not let her blame shift anything.

The fact that she is coming back should tell you that she values you. MAYBE, she now realizes that she made a mistake.

Oh, by the way, she did have an EA with the dude, before moving out.

And tell her that re-marriage may or may never happen. Do not move in together for a couple of years.

See if she has matured from this....or if she is now MERELY desperate and ONLY needs a safe landing spot. You are that. She tried to fool her new flame by being HOT and active. He got bored with her quickly.

Watch her carefully. How strong are you? Can you let her go if she disappoints you...... again?

If you do get together, wear her out in bed. That is your reward. If she balks or refuses to allow frequent access to her oyster, then she is not really into you. Watch her actions when you make love to her. Does she seem to enjoy it?

Or, if you do not really love her that much any more than let her go.....as she did you, not so long ago.

Yourself? Get in shape, groom yourself well, nice clothes, haircut. Stand tall and smile a lot. Be fun to be around. Be a good father and human being.

Never suck up to her. Remain dominant, but pleasantly so.


This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #17 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 01:29 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

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Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
Two kids with you, three with OM?

You are the textbook plan b. She showed you what she thought of you. I hear getting. Ack with an ex is like shoving poo back up in your arse,
...so you can re**** it out again?? Who knows, maybe it will feel better coming out the second time??

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"

Last edited by jb02157; 03-31-2017 at 01:35 PM.
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post #18 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 01:42 PM
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Plus, are you OK with raising/parenting another mans children?
Good point. All five kids are hers. Only two are yours.

Each time you look at the other three that might trigger you to thinking of your wife riding on top of Mr Muscles.
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post #19 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 01:52 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced



Also, she's lying.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #20 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 01:58 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

Nooooo....lol Don't go back with her. She sounds like she can't ever be alone without a guy ''defining'' her. She went from you, to him, now back to you. I'd absolutely not take her back. Not even because she cheated and all of that, sounds like you're past that. But, because she doesn't sound emotionally stable, and just runs to the next guy who will have her. If you like drama, then go back with her. But, just my opinion, I'd move on.
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post #21 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 02:10 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

Matador,

I going to tell you something that you may not want to hear, you may love her, still care about her, but i am going to put it on the line....she not only has your children but his as well....5....so she is a divorced mom with 5 kids...be honest your self...what are her prospect in finding another guy to fall in love with and marry....what kind guy out there would want to have a new wife and 5 kids? you are an easy mark for her, you already own two of them, so your now picking up 3, she knows the caliber of man you are, and she does not have to try as hard....now you on the other hand, i suspect, have better prospects....i just think you are setting yourself for a future failure again.

She married the fun one apparently and your the comfortable one....is that what you really want?

KEEP THIS IN MIND....she left you for him....he fell in love with him....she did not fall back in love with you, she did not leave him for you...she got burnt by him divorced and now have to start again...

Last edited by Lostinthought61; 03-31-2017 at 02:19 PM.
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post #22 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 02:14 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

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Am I just being a moron?
Pretty much.

You've accepted the blame for her leaving you for another guy. And you even think she didn't have sex with him before she left LOL. WOW do you need a dose of reality!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #23 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 02:15 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

I'd suggest you DNA your two and see if they're also his.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #24 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 02:32 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

5 kids. Watching mind movies of her banging the gym rat.
Raising gym rat's seed he had with YOUR wife?
Wondering if she's really wanting him back?

I think I'd just stay single
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post #25 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 02:39 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

@matador,

I don't have a dog in this fight. It's your life, you should do as you wish. I have seen reconciliation after a long-term acrimonious divorce, involving a PA. It's not the norm.

The ten years between 27 and 37 makes quite a difference in maturity. You sound as if that is the case with you. Is it same with her?

Do you understand the previous warnings? Are you prepared for those risks? Only you know the answers to that.

Best


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post #26 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 03:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

I want to be fair and say that she tried, harder than I did. She probably tried to talk to me 20 times before leaving. In the beginning it was just "hey why don't we try this" and ended up being "I'm not happy, we need to do something or I'm leaving". I didn't take her seriously and the next chat I got was "I met someone and I have feelings for him" she still hadn't decided to leave at that point, she asked me to try, and I told her to go. I don't think I actually thought she would. I believe her that she didn't physically cheat. She had plenty of times she could have used that to hurt me or just piss me off. It wouldn't have impacted our divorce. Emotionally, that's a different story.

She is also not suffering for money. She met her 2nd ex-husband at work. I saw her pay check recently and she is making $1480/week. Plus receiving $4K/month in child support and $2K/month in alimony from ex-husband #2. She was also awarded the house in the divorce. It honestly scares me a bit. She ****ed ex-husband #2 over in court, not to say he didn't deserve it. She convinced him to get snipped, then slapped him with divorce papers and proof of his affair. Wound up with a good chunk of his pay check for the next 16 years, the house, full custody. Pretty sure he paid for court costs as well. All for a 20-year-old piece of ass.

I hated her for a long time, I couldn't see the reality. She didn't hate me, she was hurt though. We have been on good terms for a long time, after I realized my part in the failed marriage.

There are things that worry me and I don't think I would marry her again. Since my divorce I have said that I'm not going to marry again unless it's perfect and all the stars align. I can't change that for my ex-wife. She still has a thing for the very fit, ripped men much more so than when we were married. I'm an average guy. 5'10, 160lb, no visible muscle. I'm not the type to decide last minute to jump on a plane to the first available destination (not that she could now anyway). To an extent, she has kept up with the athletic lifestyle when she has time to do so. I'm still not going to jump out of any planes or climb a ****ing rock. The difference is now she has friends to do those things with, before she did not. When we met she was a virgin, she had a couple teenage relationships but nothing serious. I asked, she said she has only had sex with me, her 2nd ex-husband and some guy they brought into the relationship a couple times. I am worried that I'm just her safe zone. Her safe landing spot when her world was turned upside down. I don't want to go through the past again when the next man comes along. I don't want to be her Plan B. She is 35 with 5 kids and divorced twice. She's very attractive BUT, you are right when you say how many men in that age range want what she brings to the table.

She has been on her best behavior trying to prove herself to me/sucking up. At every possibility she does things that I like or use to like. A while ago I said that I'd try again with her but there would be no guarantees and I'm not going to limit myself to just her (stupid to say), but she cannot see anyone else. She was hurt that I wouldn't give her the same level of exclusiveness that she was required to give but said yes. I'm not seeing anyone else, she doesn't know that and tries to ask questions that would indicate whether I am or not. Oral sex was never really her thing before, she'd do it, but didn't enjoy it and that was obvious. When we had sex she insisted on giving me a bj for quite a while and it was quite good. But then I remember whose **** she had to suck to learn that.

She was quite hurt when she discovered her husband was banging a 20-year-old, sometimes the ******* side of me is almost happy. Karma.

She has admitted that there were things she could have done differently. Changed jobs to be away from him, refused to talk to him rather than getting closer to him, she went out with him and friends and admitted that should not have happened. Neither of us are the same people we were 10 years ago.

The point of not living together is good. That needs to wait a long time. I don't want to jump into anything. We are not telling the kids anything.

I dated quite a bit over the last 8 years. Sometimes seriously, other times just for fun. I had a couple relationships but they didn't amount to anything serious. My ex-wife has prodded about how many women I was with but I haven't given her that information. I went through some phases of sleeping around often, had a better sex life than I did while married. My ex-wife is jealous and I kind of like it.

When we were married our sex life started off great. We had sex daily and she was into it. As time went on and I started giving her less and less of me she started giving me less of herself. By the end of our marriage, and when she met ex-husband #2, we were not having sex at all. MAYBE twice in the last year.

The other children are a concern. Her 3 youngest are not mine and I'm not going to take over and be dad. They do still see their dad when he wants to see them. I believe he has every other weekend and every Wednesday. He does take them on days that he isn't scheduled to have them. So not a total deadbeat. IF we reconciled and IF we moved back in together they would be this constant reminder of a whole other life she had with that dickwad. I wouldn't take anger out on the kids, ever. I've spent quite a bit of time with them, when we go out as a family.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I thought this would just be an old flame, run its course and end but thus far, no.
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post #27 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 03:15 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

Quote:
some guy they brought into the relationship a couple times.
Sigh...

Quote:
She's very attractive BUT, you are right when you say how many men in that age range want what she brings to the table.
You would be very surprised.

Quote:
But then I remember whose **** she had to suck to learn that.
Refer back to the first and second quote. These things play on your mind and many will say they should not since you were not together but you know, it just is not that easy sometimes.

Honestly, I would keep my distance and allow actions to speak before committing to anything.

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post #28 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 03:29 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

You need to see things clearly. This is what I understand from what you have said:


Whether you accept that you are or are not, you ARE blaming yourself for her leaving. Every marriage has problems and you really need to separate that from her decision to have an affair.


She DID have an affair. Not everyone finds someone else and THEN leaves. They normally leave and THEN find someone else. As to whether she slept with him or not, it is highly unlikely that she did not. From what you have said about him, he would not commit to her without sampling the goods first. You currently still see only the good in her - this is from how you describe her etc. The fact is that she was almost certainly lying to you while developing her "relationship" with him. I would poly her to see if she did not get physical with him (only so that you can be sure that she didn't lie to you at the time). She knows she cheated and even gave you a list of things she should have done to avoid the affair.


She left you for someone that she perceived to be hotter, wealthier, more successful etc. And if he was all that, why would he pursue someone who was married, with two kids etc. - the point being she must have done a fair amount of the pursuing. Again, I would say there would almost certainly have been some physical stuff else this would never end up with him wanting to marry her.


She had what she described to you over the years as a fantastic life. He even offered her threesomes with another man (how in hell's name are you going to come back from that). She would never leave him for you had he not cheated. Basically the karma bus hit her - what goes round come round. She cheated and left, well the same thing happened to her. You seem to be the classic "nice guy" here and are feeling sorry for someone that cheated, then got cheated on and took her husband to the cleaners. Why on earth ?!?!? She has now come back to you because you share kids and she "gets along" with you. The fact is there could be (younger, fitter) predators out there who could go after her as a Sugar Momma. She knows you are a safe bet even though you are not her "type" now (even more so than before).


And she wants to know who else you are seeing so she knows what competition she faces and how to deal with it. I wouldn't believe much of what she says yet. You DO NOT REALLY KNOW HER! If you sleep around then no matter what she tells you, she might too. Heck, she did it when you were married (vows and all that). And you know she has a thing for young ripped men. So make sure you are aware that she lies, you are not her type and she is only with you because she got dumped.


I personally wouldn't touch this with a barge pole. If you feel you want to then what you should do is date her with extreme care. Don't make a big deal about it and make her work for the relationship. I really wouldn't understand either of you wanting to get married again - you can get all the companionship and a$$ you want without that kind of commitment and opening up yourself to heartache again. The same goes for her.


Proceed with caution and much more importantly, OPEN YOUR EYES man and take her off any pedestal you have her on.

This is my quest, to follow that star
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far
To fight for the right, without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause

Last edited by manfromlamancha; 03-31-2017 at 03:38 PM.
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post #29 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 03:38 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

Dude, you asked if you're a moron and we said yes you are. Do with that what you will, but you've been warned. It's a BAD IDEA. That last wall of text you wrote is just drivel and has nothing to even do with anything.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #30 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 03:50 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

Some red flags in this post.

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Originally Posted by matador View Post
It makes me wonder, is that the real her? Who did she show her true self to, me or him.
This is the big one. Doesn't sound like she knows herself. She doesn't sound very stable. Also just because she says there was not cheating doesn't mean there wasn't. I am sure there was enough to let her know she had someone else waiting in the wings to make it safer to dump you. I mean what make her such a good catch?

I don't understand why you can't just have fun. Why do you need to have a serious relationship with this women.

You know what sucks more then being replaced by someone, being replaced twice by that same person twice.
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