Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Happiest place on Earth.
Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced
Going to go against the grain. Mostly because it's fun, but nobody has talked about it yet.
Her perspective, which I assume is immature, but truthful perhaps. She tried to work on the brokenness in her marriage with you, it didn't work out because she didn't know how to work on it and there was a guy who put everything on the table including caring for 2 kids not his own. She "traded up" into a life of passion.
10 years later, she discovers him for what he is, realizes you would have never done this. Perhaps this is her moment of realization that she made mistakes. I wonder, would she agree with you to put marriage off the table, but go to couples counseling to discuss where and why the EA happened? Will you both be willing to put in the hard labor to build trust which really will just barely make it work?
On a side note, will you on the side work on yourself. You say you are 5"10 and 160 therefore not muscular. I am 5"9 and 153 and often get called athletic even have some women call me bulky in terms of muscle. I do very little, and get rewarded a lot. So get back on the horse, and take care of yourself first. Basically, as one guy talking to another, I call bull**** on your words. You may never be a heavy lifter decked out dude bro, but you can make significant improvement to yourself to where YOU FEEL good.
To be fair, it's been 10 years. Plenty of time for both people to grow. Someone very close to me, had a wife with an EA, so he countered with an EA, she countered even harder with an EA, he had a PA, obviously on the brink of divorce. Counseling, and a never ending reconciliation later. They are still together. Point is, success does happen and they never logged into the forum and heard the overwhelming presence of "run away".
Personal Goals for 2016
#Start dating = Check
#Write down what I want for long term = Check
#Find a way to live in a healthy happy relationship. = Working on it.