Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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post #1 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 11:46 AM Thread Starter
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Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

I don't normally go to anonymous people on the internet who could be anyone from a 12-year-old boy to a hobbit that lives under a bridge, but here I am.

In 2007 my wife left me for another man. It took me a long time to realize and accept it, but we both made mistakes. My ex-wife left before getting physical with that man, so there was no physical cheating. I have come to accept that I pushed my ex-wife away. I didn't listen to her, refused to spend time with her unless it was on my terms, didn't help her enough with our children, didn't romance her - at all. She tried to tell me so many times that things needed to change and I didn't listen. We had been married for 3 years at the time, and we were 25 and 27. In hindsight, we were too young and my ex-wife agrees.

My ex-wife met a man at work and fell for him. He was what pushed her to leave me. 2 months after our divorce was finalized, a year after she left, they married (2008).

This man is the total opposite of me. He's taller, a gym buff/ripped, more successful, more active/adventurous. My ex-wife and I still have each other on Facebook and over the years I've watched what she's posted with him. When we were married we had a small wedding and spent around $6000. When they married they had a huge extravagant wedding with a few hundred people. The base price for their venue was 60 grand, I looked it up. Never in a million years did she want that when we were together. She posted pictures of them rock climbing, marathons, skywalks, travelling to more exotic places. Things she never showed an interest in while we were together. After she had our kids she didn't want to do anything other than parent.

It makes me wonder, is that the real her? Who did she show her true self to, me or him. They separated Jan. 2016 and are now divorced. My ex-wife caught him having a full blown affair with someone half his age.

Over the last year my ex-wife and I have been getting closer again. We have been spending more time together as a family and alone. We haven't told our kids anything. Two weeks ago we had sex and she has been a bit clingy since then. I have had relationships since our divorce, but nothing that was good enough to commit to. I want to make an attempt to reconcile with my ex-wife, and she seems to want to as well.

My ex-wife and I have 13 year old and 12 year old. She has a 6 year old, 4 year old and 2 year old with her more recent ex-husband.

Does reconciliation after divorce ever work out? Am I just being a moron?

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post #2 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 11:55 AM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

Quote:
Originally Posted by matador View Post
I don't normally go to anonymous people on the internet who could be anyone from a 12-year-old boy to a hobbit that lives under a bridge, but here I am.

In 2007 my wife left me for another man. It took me a long time to realize and accept it, but we both made mistakes. My ex-wife left before getting physical with that man, so there was no physical cheating. I have come to accept that I pushed my ex-wife away. I didn't listen to her, refused to spend time with her unless it was on my terms, didn't help her enough with our children, didn't romance her - at all. She tried to tell me so many times that things needed to change and I didn't listen. We had been married for 3 years at the time, and we were 25 and 27. In hindsight, we were too young and my ex-wife agrees.

My ex-wife met a man at work and fell for him. He was what pushed her to leave me. 2 months after our divorce was finalized, a year after she left, they married (2008).

This man is the total opposite of me. He's taller, a gym buff/ripped, more successful, more active/adventurous. My ex-wife and I still have each other on Facebook and over the years I've watched what she's posted with him. When we were married we had a small wedding and spent around $6000. When they married they had a huge extravagant wedding with a few hundred people. The base price for their venue was 60 grand, I looked it up. Never in a million years did she want that when we were together. She posted pictures of them rock climbing, marathons, skywalks, travelling to more exotic places. Things she never showed an interest in while we were together. After she had our kids she didn't want to do anything other than parent.

It makes me wonder, is that the real her? Who did she show her true self to, me or him. They separated Jan. 2016 and are now divorced. My ex-wife caught him having a full blown affair with someone half his age.

Over the last year my ex-wife and I have been getting closer again. We have been spending more time together as a family and alone. We haven't told our kids anything. Two weeks ago we had sex and she has been a bit clingy since then. I have had relationships since our divorce, but nothing that was good enough to commit to. I want to make an attempt to reconcile with my ex-wife, and she seems to want to as well.

My ex-wife and I have 13 year old and 12 year old. She has a 6 year old, 4 year old and 2 year old with her more recent ex-husband.

Does reconciliation after divorce ever work out? Am I just being a moron?
If you both want it then go for it and see what happens just keep it quiet for the kids in case it does not work out again. You both may have changed and be better for each other or it may end again but no different to any other relationship.

M - 12
Kids - 2
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post #3 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 12:03 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

No don't do it. You are Plan B. It's just a matter of time before a new plan A roles into town, complete with ripped muscles, big bank account and adventure after adventure to wow her with. Only co-parent with her. I honestly think getting back together with her would be foolish.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #4 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 12:09 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

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Originally Posted by matador View Post
I don't normally go to anonymous people on the internet who could be anyone from a 12-year-old boy to a hobbit that lives under a bridge, but here I am.

In 2007 my wife left me for another man. It took me a long time to realize and accept it, but we both made mistakes. My ex-wife left before getting physical with that man, so there was no physical cheating. I have come to accept that I pushed my ex-wife away. I didn't listen to her, refused to spend time with her unless it was on my terms, didn't help her enough with our children, didn't romance her - at all. She tried to tell me so many times that things needed to change and I didn't listen. We had been married for 3 years at the time, and we were 25 and 27. In hindsight, we were too young and my ex-wife agrees.

My ex-wife met a man at work and fell for him. He was what pushed her to leave me. 2 months after our divorce was finalized, a year after she left, they married (2008).

This man is the total opposite of me. He's taller, a gym buff/ripped, more successful, more active/adventurous. My ex-wife and I still have each other on Facebook and over the years I've watched what she's posted with him. When we were married we had a small wedding and spent around $6000. When they married they had a huge extravagant wedding with a few hundred people. The base price for their venue was 60 grand, I looked it up. Never in a million years did she want that when we were together. She posted pictures of them rock climbing, marathons, skywalks, travelling to more exotic places. Things she never showed an interest in while we were together. After she had our kids she didn't want to do anything other than parent.

It makes me wonder, is that the real her? Who did she show her true self to, me or him. They separated Jan. 2016 and are now divorced. My ex-wife caught him having a full blown affair with someone half his age.

Over the last year my ex-wife and I have been getting closer again. We have been spending more time together as a family and alone. We haven't told our kids anything. Two weeks ago we had sex and she has been a bit clingy since then. I have had relationships since our divorce, but nothing that was good enough to commit to. I want to make an attempt to reconcile with my ex-wife, and she seems to want to as well.

My ex-wife and I have 13 year old and 12 year old. She has a 6 year old, 4 year old and 2 year old with her more recent ex-husband.

Does reconciliation after divorce ever work out? Am I just being a moron?
Yes you're a Moron. Open you're eyes, She just using you when you are her best option to get some d1k. What happens the next time she falls for some guy? poof, shes gone again.

Quit letting her play you for a chump. You're nothing more than an option for her. She gives zero cares about you.
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post #5 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 12:19 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

So she had an emotional affair and eventually left you for the OM. The OM didn't work out and now she's back.

I wouldn't be excited to be someone's plan b. Did she ever accept responsibility for the emotional affair with the OM?
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post #6 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 12:21 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

Quote:
Originally Posted by matador
Two weeks ago we had sex
You harlot! May judgement fall down upon thee!


I'm just kidding.

People can change. Maybe it was a response to your deficiency in being a husband. Maybe she was just meant for this guy. Maybe they will get back together. Maybe the stars weren't right the first time you two married. Maybe you married too young and needed maturing. Maybe this time around it will be better. Maybe. But my thinking is, why take the chance? Just my two cents. Do whatever you want OP.

Even if I don't get likes for it, I'm still going to say it.
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post #7 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 12:30 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

Take your time with this. It happens, and I have seen people find each other all over again. Problematically, she left you for another, which clouds the issue. You could really be plan B, and this should be discussed.
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post #8 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 12:31 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

How many girls have you had sex with over these years? If you end up reconciling, don't ever marry her again. She won't stay around for long.

Do you have confidence? Are you shorter and bald? You seem to lack confidence in your post. Time to work on yourself. Have you had a great sex life since divorce? How as the sex life with your ex wife before she left you for Mr Muscles?
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post #9 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 12:48 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

If you've been getting along and you're feeling that "click", why not give it a shot. I agree with everyone else that you should keep it a secret from the kids, you wouldn't want them getting excited about the two of you getting back together and then you don't for whatever reason. Sure the two of you had your problems that caused the split and she did have an EA which ultimately ended things, and I know everyone is going to yell at me for this one, but if what you're saying is true about her not getting physical with the OM until after you split, she at least had enough respect for you not to have a full blown affair when she very well could've. It wouldn't be the first time I heard about a couple getting back together and actually working the second time around.
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post #10 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 12:51 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

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No don't do it. You are Plan B. It's just a matter of time before a new plan A roles into town, complete with ripped muscles, big bank account and adventure after adventure to wow her with. Only co-parent with her. I honestly think getting back together with her would be foolish.

This.

Plus, are you OK with raising/parenting another mans children?

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post #11 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 12:53 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

It sounds like she was romanced & stolen away by a jerk during a vulnerable time. Is she working or unemployed? Reconciliation might be a good thing for you & your kids. I don't know that you should re-marry though, take it slow.....
God bless you
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post #12 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 01:01 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

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No don't do it. You are Plan B. It's just a matter of time before a new plan A roles into town, complete with ripped muscles, big bank account and adventure after adventure to wow her with. Only co-parent with her. I honestly think getting back together with her would be foolish.
Quoted for truth. You are a paycheck and a place to live as ripped muscles has found another. I would think you xw would have a good idea how you felt those years ago when you were put to pasture.

Co-parent. Do not pay for OM children.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #13 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 01:03 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

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This.

Plus, are you OK with raising/parenting another mans children?
Now she has 5 kids, your 2 and 3 with Mr. Muscles. She needs someone to take care of them while she goes off to her next "adventure".

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #14 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 01:15 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

Two kids with you, three with OM?

You are the textbook plan b. She showed you what she thought of you. I hear getting. Ack with an ex is like shoving poo back up in your arse,

But, you're going to do it, and she will move on with someone that is better looking and makes more money and is more exciting.
She's already shown you she's willing to do that.
Raise OM's kids? That would be hard for you to stomach when they're being bad. And they will be.

My vote is try and NOT get back with her. She's never shown remorse for the affair?
You do realize the emotional is just as bad as the physical, right?
Either one ruins marriages.
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post #15 of 60 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 01:22 PM
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Re: Reconciling with my ex-wife, after she married and divorced

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