Reconciliation with LTR ex-GF - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 11:03 AM Thread Starter
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Reconciliation with LTR ex-GF

2 years ago I ended a 6 year relationship with the mother of my child. Our son is 4.5 now. I ended the relationship because it seemed like we both wanted different things out of a relationship. We were frustrating each other too much and had few common interests. A lot of it was immaturity on my part. Though I donít like to claim immaturity when I was 30 years old. I didnít want to have to work for anything, including my family. I didnít realize what I had walked away from until it was already gone. I tried to ignore that feeling and thought it would go away. No one likes a break up, but it hasnít gone away.

We both went our separate ways. I moved back in with my parents to save money. My ex moved a couple hours away to an apartment. I have seen my son every weekend since our split. We have both dated, me more seriously than her. I went out with quite a few women, she had more of a fling with a man who is in a group with her but otherwise has not dated (to my knowledge).

I have come back to this place were I want to try and reconcile with her and put our family back together. Ending the relationship was probably a mistake, we (I) should have tried harder to make it work. My ex wanted to try, I was the one that pulled the plug.

Our co-parenting relationship is ok. In the beginning my ex had a really hard time seeing me and letting our son go. We fought over some parenting things. We didnít talk unless it was about our son. She was hurt when I started dating. She doesnít know that Iím thinking about this. I donít want to say anything until Iím sure. I have been trying to spend more time in her life by doing family things ďfor our sonĒ like going to the zoo, etc. She may not even be interested in reconciliation, but I want to try.

I'm 32, she's 26, our son is 4.5. The time apart may have been good for us, or totally destroyed any chance. She wanted to marry and I wouldn't get down on one knee.

Is there a proper way to try and reconcile? Am I hoping for the impossible?

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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 11:47 AM
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Re: Reconciliation with LTR ex-GF

If you want her, you'd better think carefully if you really do want her.
Getting back with her and breakfast bf things off again a few months later would be very cruel.

There is a proper way. You go to her, tell her your full thoughts, and give her the chance to reject you or go out again.

Having things in common is not as important as being happy on your own, and being willing to do things that you don't necessarily enjoy just to spend time with your lady--- and enjoying it because you're with her.

Good luck.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 01:08 PM
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Re: Reconciliation with LTR ex-GF

I'm not going to claim to know what's right and what's wrong for you. That's for you to decide.

If you know what you did wrong the first time, you have a chance to never again repeat them, whether with your ex or with another woman.

If you're thinking about the thing that you lost.... the fact that it was a "good thing," it may not have been a good thing at the time. Looking back in this moment, it may be better than the alternative.

I agree with @Evinrude58 that you need to just present your truth to her and then let her decide whether she wants to take a chance on you again.
I will say, though, that as a woman myself, if I tried my hardest the first time, that's going to be it. I don't believe in second chances with the same person when my first chance already had my best effort. Maybe your ex feels differently.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 02:09 PM
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Re: Reconciliation with LTR ex-GF

Look at it like starting over. Don't take advantage of what your history but really start from scratch and see where it goes. Be honest with her. Make sure you are really ready. You are not coming from a breakup or rebounding are you? What makes this time different?
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 02:57 PM
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Re: Reconciliation with LTR ex-GF

You need to examine your motives. Is it just because she might be getting close to someone else? If she wanted a marriage would you still be hesitant? Is that really fair to her? I sense a lot of selfishness in your post, but I can't quite put my finger on why.
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 03:11 PM
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Re: Reconciliation with LTR ex-GF

Quote:
Originally Posted by kirkland View Post
I'm 32, she's 26, our son is 4.5. The time apart may have been good for us, or totally destroyed any chance. She wanted to marry and I wouldn't get down on one knee.

Is there a proper way to try and reconcile? Am I hoping for the impossible?
Working and becoming self-supporting and moving out of your parents home would be a good starting point.
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 03:36 PM
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Re: Reconciliation with LTR ex-GF

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Originally Posted by Red Sonja View Post
Working and becoming self-supporting and moving out of your parents home would be a good starting point.
Huh? He still lives with his parents?
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 04:10 PM
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Re: Reconciliation with LTR ex-GF

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Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
Huh? He still lives with his parents?
Quote:
Originally Posted by kirkland View Post
We both went our separate ways. I moved back in with my parents to save money.
Yup.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 09:00 PM
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Re: Reconciliation with LTR ex-GF

If she wanted to R, would you marry her this time?
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