That isn't controlling, that's considered domestic violence/abuse. By taking your cell phone and keys is very abusive. If he is being honest about getting help, he needs individual counseling and then marital counseling.
He said he already stared counselling and wanted to do marriage counselling as well when I felt ready.
So there was no infidelity, right?
Before you tried to reconcile, he would need to go to counseling to learn not to be that way. And he would have to stop the abusive behavior for the rest of his life.
You too need to go to counseling because you allowed him to control and abuse you. You need to find out why you allowed it and how to never allow it again. If you don't do this, you will end up in another abusive relationship.
and then to reconcile, you two would also have to go to marriage counseling to learn completely new patterns in your relationship.
For example, you probably need to get a job. You should never put yourself into the position of letting him, or any man, being able to isolate you and control finances.
No one can tell you what to do.
If you want to try to fix your marriage get all the help you can so that both of you learn new behaviors. And do not move back in together until you both have been through counseling and you have a strong support system to help you if he relapses.
I am not aware of any infidelity. Maybe since we have been separated, but that wouldn't be infidelity I guess.
My husband said he has already started therapy and wants to do marriage counselling as well, when I'm ready. He has said a lot of things that will change and has implemented some of them.
I know that I have to learn to say no instead of going along with everything. When we first met I wasn't a pushover, but I wanted to keep him interested and it spiralled out of control.
I didn't want to give up my career. It was cheaper to stay home than put our children in daycare and private school. My husband wanted the older children homeschooled. I'm working on getting it back now.
I want to stay away from him because it was hard enough to leave the first time. But if we can work on it and fix it I don't want to let the divorce go through (long ways from that still).
People can change if they are committed to do so. He needs professional help as do you, you sound co-dependent. You have to ensure that your children grow up in a healthy environment.
I left because of my children. They have always been my top priority. When they could tell that something was wrong I left. I didn't want them to be exposed to that.