In any good marriage it should be balanced @ 50/50. Did you pull your load?
Make sure the home is as clean and uncluttered as you can. You don't want her walking in and finding a huge mess just in case. Plus it says I can do this on my own if I have to.
On the marriage front... let's go with no, i did not pull my load. Aside from drinking and jealousy, i was selfish. I think all three of these go together. I was a good husband in terms of the things i'm good at. In terms of other things, things that required me to step out of my comfort zone, or even just not be lazy after a day's work, i would minimize. By which i mean i would divert less effort to them in favor of focusing on my strengths. Want to go dancing? Insert excuse here. Let's go shopping. Who wants to go shopping with someone who stands around looking bored? So my weaknesses were never improved. I'd do some housework now and then, laundry, maybe grill burgers or something. But 50/50? No, i left most of that to her, with the rationale that she only works four hours a day. Sounds like a BS excuse for a man to say.
Now that she's gone, ironically, the house looks great. I have kept it very clean. Turns out it's easy, if i just get off my ass. So, when she came to get her stuff, the floors were shiny, the counters were clear, the dishes were clean. The trash was empty, the bed was made. It's satisfying, actually. Yet another thing i should have been doing for years. And these habits will serve me well when i finally give up hope. I feel like i had so much potential, and instead of realizing it, i took her, and everything else, for granted. It hurts more because as you say, i dug this hole for myself. I'll dig myself out eventually, but she may not be waiting for me at the top. I hate this possibility, but i know it's the most likely.