Separation after a few months of marriage - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 48 (permalink) Old 05-02-2017, 07:59 AM
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Re: Separation after a few months of marriage

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I tried to communicate with her before she left home, she told me she needs a break from me. She rarely communicate with anyone even her parents. In 12 yrs she never told me she needs a break from me or anything, and we used to meet every day. The last two years she also was living at my mum's house during the weekends. She never looked as she didn't want to, as once told me she was planning to even stay there on Sunday and go to work from my mum's house on Monday.

She was very looking forward to get married and live together, even the wedding stuff etc, she was always looking forward and sometimes she even went to check stuff by herself, obviously I trusted her. She is a bit of a baby, was always like that. She never showed any signs that she will be doing something like that.

She is currently studying to graduate as an accountant, and a couple of months ago she was going to stop because they are very stressful exams, I kept motivating her to continue and not stop, as she only has three other exams left.

It was my first suspect that she has another man involved, I know when she lies by the look of her face, and she kept telling me that no one is involved in it.

I am suspecting of a couple of her friends, both of these friends are single, one of them left her boyfriend a couple of weeks before she left me. and the other friend, works with her and lately they were really close together, they went to the gym together in the morning before work, they spoke a lot together. Both of them are females.

I also checked with her parents if she ever said that she does not love me anymore, as she told me. And they looked very surprised, and told me that she never said those words about me. I am suspecting they know more and not informing me.

Don't know how you fall out of love with someone that literally saved your life.

I don't know what to say other than I have seen countless people come on here with a cheating wife that wants to separate and they lie and say they're not seeing someone. Yeah-- they're not seeing them ENOUGH, which is why they want to separate. I'd say 99% chance that's what's up with you.

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post #17 of 48 (permalink) Old 05-02-2017, 08:14 AM
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Re: Separation after a few months of marriage

I used to be you, complaining about every little thing. When I look back now, it was stupid on my part and I've changed that about me. The things that you complain about may be stupid to you, but they may actually mean a lot to her, which is why she was hurt and left. She may have felt that your complaining was a sign that you didn't care about what she wanted or her needs. If you want to even try to fix things with her, you need to stop complaining about things she does or doesn't do. When you step back and look at the big picture, do those little things you complain about really mean anything in terms of your love for her? Everyone has quirks and annoying habits, things they do or don't do that annoy their partner, but believe it or not those are the things that make that person who they are. My advise, and this is what I did in my own relationship, drop every expectation you ever had of her. Stop complaining about every little thing and hold your tongue, it's your complaining about things that don't really mean much that pushed her away. Give her time and space to not only get her own head straight but to see that you are changing and getting your head straight as well. It's hard to do and may take a little time but it will not only help your relationship, but it will help you as a person as well.
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post #18 of 48 (permalink) Old 05-02-2017, 08:34 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Separation after a few months of marriage

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I used to be you, complaining about every little thing. When I look back now, it was stupid on my part and I've changed that about me. The things that you complain about may be stupid to you, but they may actually mean a lot to her, which is why she was hurt and left. She may have felt that your complaining was a sign that you didn't care about what she wanted or her needs. If you want to even try to fix things with her, you need to stop complaining about things she does or doesn't do. When you step back and look at the big picture, do those little things you complain about really mean anything in terms of your love for her? Everyone has quirks and annoying habits, things they do or don't do that annoy their partner, but believe it or not those are the things that make that person who they are. My advise, and this is what I did in my own relationship, drop every expectation you ever had of her. Stop complaining about every little thing and hold your tongue, it's your complaining about things that don't really mean much that pushed her away. Give her time and space to not only get her own head straight but to see that you are changing and getting your head straight as well. It's hard to do and may take a little time but it will not only help your relationship, but it will help you as a person as well.
Hi, thanks for the comment, it's true, and it is also true that I complained and have my bad things as well , for sure, I am human and for sure not a perfect one. But I felt so good and close with her that everything I had on my mind I always told it to her. Unfortunately she is a type of person that rarely communicates, even with her own parents. Because the least she would have done is speak to her parents or my mum and they inform me about it.

I am giving her her space, and taking it day by day and check every aspect before take any decisions. No contact what so ever from my end. Will see from there.
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post #19 of 48 (permalink) Old 05-02-2017, 09:49 AM
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Re: Separation after a few months of marriage

Have you two been sexual with other people? Or were you virgins?

Sounds like there is some second guessing and wondering what the other side of the fence feels like. I don't see this break up as a bad thing. You both need to discover who you are and what you want from life. People are allowed to change as they mature, and I think she is going down a different path in life than you.
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post #20 of 48 (permalink) Old 05-04-2017, 02:21 PM
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Re: Separation after a few months of marriage

Why did she leave you?
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post #21 of 48 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 07:35 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Separation after a few months of marriage

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Why did she leave you?
Hi, apologies late reply, was not using the pc that much lately

She said she left because I complained a lot about stuff she left around at home. Off course very long story short. and it's true that I complained because I wanted our home to be tidy. She had stressful exams and her grandma passed away late January and she loved her dearly, and she was the first death that ever occurred to their family. She also told me that I was complaining about visiting her parents and family. Which is not true as well. I am suspecting that with the stressful events that happened lately with her life, and don't think she was 100% ready for marriage. Or else she thought she was, but in reality she wasn't. Before we got marriage she was very looking forward to live together etc. Maybe she started to miss her family after her grandma died, who knows, only her and she is not communicating with anyone even her parents. She only told them that she is fed up with the complaints.

Currently I am not contacting her at all, not using social media that much as well lately, just to communicate with friends.

Lately I also noticed that she stopped liking pages regarding property, because in the first couple of weeks she liked a lot of property pages to sell our home.
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post #22 of 48 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 09:33 AM
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Re: Separation after a few months of marriage

And why is it that your wife suddenly wants a divorce when you thought things were going well. Surely you aren't naive enough to believe a woman leaves you over griping about stuff laying around and not visiting her parents enough?

There is a reason your wife has left you. You need to find the truth, but you're fearful. If you have been no contact, that's great. Detach and move on. The reason for all this doesn't matter. She's not coming back unless it's for a place to live because she. Any support herself.

You really should concentrate on detaching and moving on. Keep up the no contact and you'll be fine. Never break it. You will eventually be able to let her go and you'll stop hurting.
I wish you luck.
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post #23 of 48 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 06:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Separation after a few months of marriage

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And why is it that your wife suddenly wants a divorce when you thought things were going well. Surely you aren't naive enough to believe a woman leaves you over griping about stuff laying around and not visiting her parents enough?

There is a reason your wife has left you. You need to find the truth, but you're fearful. If you have been no contact, that's great. Detach and move on. The reason for all this doesn't matter. She's not coming back unless it's for a place to live because she. Any support herself.

You really should concentrate on detaching and moving on. Keep up the no contact and you'll be fine. Never break it. You will eventually be able to let her go and you'll stop hurting.
I wish you luck.
Hi, thanks for the reply, for sure, I know that it's not because of stuff laying around etc. My gut feeling still keeps telling me she wasn't ready for the married life or she was so stressed that it effected her mental behavior etc. and for her to feel better, she put all the blame on me.

Today I met by coincidence one of our friends, she told me that another friend and herself tried to change her decision, and both pointed out where my wife (or ex) was wrong, then she told them that she wasn't happy that they are pointing out what they think she did wrong. She was still stubborn and decisive about her decision. she told the same reason she left to everyone, but people who spoke to her, all of them think that looks like she wasn't ready for the married life, apart from her parents, as they still baby her and cannot accept that her daughter is the wrong one in this situation, they still keep saying that all that happened is my fault (of course I had issues myself as well, I'm human and not perfect for sure), but they keep saying that it's all my fault.

Today she went to our place and took more stuff, fortunately wasn't there at the time.

It is a bit difficult at first without her, as she left, and I never saw her again, like she never existed before. All those years together we used to meet almost everyday, and then she like vanished and never existed.

No texting from her end, no nothing, I also stopped all the contact myself as well, would like to move on as fast and possible.

It's true, I need to find the truth, but she isn't even communicating, like I did something very wrong to her. Maybe she is angry because it didn't work between us and she still thinks it's all my fault. Don't know. I thought several times that she has another affair, but she keeps hanging out with the same female friend every time, and checked her chats a lot of times before she left, and even before all this happened. Even the day she left, she left her laptop at home and was so curious that I checked her chats, but found nothing.

She should have communicated and worked something out for sure. Today I spoke to the priest that made our ceremony, he gave me some tips, maybe try to make her a bit jealous, so she starts to question if she took the wrong decision. Next week I am also attending another session with a different counselor / mediator to check for another opinion and maybe she can also give me some tips on how to cope better etc.
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post #24 of 48 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 06:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Separation after a few months of marriage

Really would like to see her lawyer's face and how is going to react when she informs him/her the reason why she left and wants separation!

She is going to her lawyer next week according to her parents.
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post #25 of 48 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 07:50 PM
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Re: Separation after a few months of marriage

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Originally Posted by geosai View Post
I tried to communicate with her before she left home, she told me she needs a break from me. She rarely communicate with anyone even her parents. In 12 yrs she never told me she needs a break from me or anything, and we used to meet every day. The last two years she also was living at my mum's house during the weekends. She never looked as she didn't want to, as once told me she was planning to even stay there on Sunday and go to work from my mum's house on Monday.

She was very looking forward to get married and live together, even the wedding stuff etc, she was always looking forward and sometimes she even went to check stuff by herself, obviously I trusted her. She is a bit of a baby, was always like that. She never showed any signs that she will be doing something like that.

She is currently studying to graduate as an accountant, and a couple of months ago she was going to stop because they are very stressful exams, I kept motivating her to continue and not stop, as she only has three other exams left.

It was my first suspect that she has another man involved, I know when she lies by the look of her face, and she kept telling me that no one is involved in it.

I am suspecting of a couple of her friends, both of these friends are single, one of them left her boyfriend a couple of weeks before she left me. and the other friend, works with her and lately they were really close together, they went to the gym together in the morning before work, they spoke a lot together. Both of them are females.

I also checked with her parents if she ever said that she does not love me anymore, as she told me. And they looked very surprised, and told me that she never said those words about me. I am suspecting they know more and not informing me.

Don't know how you fall out of love with someone that literally saved your life.
How does one have a mature relationship with a baby?


Peace and long life
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post #26 of 48 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 08:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Separation after a few months of marriage

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How does one have a mature relationship with a baby?
She was mature in some aspects, for example financial wise and her career, but she was a baby in some everyday stuff. Exampe, she gets upset easily for idiotic stuff. Even if you use for example her coffee or her milk, or her mug.
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post #27 of 48 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 10:04 AM
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Re: Separation after a few months of marriage

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She was mature in some aspects, for example financial wise and her career, but she was a baby in some everyday stuff. Exampe, she gets upset easily for idiotic stuff. Even if you use for example her coffee or her milk, or her mug.
OP,
Could you cite some examples of her maturity "financial wise" and as it pertains to her career. I believe that if you look at this more objectively you may discover that you assign maturity where none is warranted. It is simply not possible for a person who is cognitively underdeveloped to sustain a mature relationship any more so than it is for any child. This is the reality of your situation. Even if you can somehow coerce her into agreeing to continue the relationship, it will be more akin to a parent child scenario than a marriage.
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post #28 of 48 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 12:15 PM
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Re: Separation after a few months of marriage

Geosai, I think you should move on. the fact of the matter is when someone does not want to be with some other even a minor incidence is getting blown up. I know a couple who broke up over a glass of orange juice. The thing is orange juice was not the reason, things have been building up.
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post #29 of 48 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 12:32 PM
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Re: Separation after a few months of marriage

You should move on because this person places zero value on you.
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post #30 of 48 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 07:47 PM
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Re: Separation after a few months of marriage

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Originally Posted by geosai
My gut feeling still keeps telling me she wasn't ready for the married life or she was so stressed that it effected her mental behavior etc. and for her to feel better, she put all the blame on me.

Today she went to our place and took more stuff, fortunately wasn't there at the time

She is going to her lawyer next week according to her parents.
Geosai, you better get yourself improved to be more self-sufficient in the area of emotional dependence and other areas. Your wife is serious about leaving you and shows no sign of coming back to you. You are probably right that she is not ready for marriage and I would add not ready to face adulthood and reality. Everyone will face stress and the death of a family member at some point in their life but life and reality does not stop because you are having a difficult period.

I would not doubt that her being with you since she was a young teenager probably is also a factor. She probably thinks that she is missing something in life by just being with you for her whole adult life. As a teenager it is very easy to think that life is mostly excitement and fun but when reality sets in in the late 20s or 30s it is a jolt.

Geosai, you are very young and do not have any children with your wife so you have no excuse to not start building a life without her. At this time your wife is very determined to get away from you and has shown no indication that she is coming back to you. If she comes back you should have a very detailed plan as to what you both are going to do and how you and her are going to improve in the things that affects your relationship negatively. Your focus right now is to concentrate on how you can get stronger and better with your negative points and stop putting a lot of energy and thoughts into how you can get your wife back; she does not want to come back. If you do not get more self-efficient you will become a door mat and be dependent on your wife for your emotional well-being.

Just like your wife is going to have to face reality so are you!
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