How to Reconcile with Bitter Spouse - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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post #16 of 37 (permalink) Old 05-12-2017, 01:46 AM
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Re: How to Reconcile with Bitter Spouse

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I have made several posts on other sections on here. Most answers came back to divorce her, which I have every right to and cant disagree. However, I do want to exhaust every opportunity. Heres a brief version:

My wife and I are 30 years old. Together for 7 and married for 1.5. We began having problems about midway through our relationship, just general communication issues, lack of affection, etc (Mostly on my end). We were always madly in love though, so I thought. In September 2016 she began leaving for weekends at a time and wanted space. Came home in October 2016 and she was gone, I mean everything except bed, couch, tv, and some cups and silverware. Received an email later that night that she wants to get my attention, that she wants me to realize her worth. She would never tell me where she lives so I found that strange. She began acting strange. We seen each other maybe once a week. Fast forward March 2017, find out she moved in with a guy who always liked her. They have been together since she left. Shes mad and says her affair is my fault. We still talk everyday and she says she loves me, not in love deal. She does not know if she wants to be with me anymore. She cant choose between me and him. I, her husband, am now the side piece. I really want to make this work but have lost hope and self respect. Anyone on here gone through this and came out with a happy ending? And how did you do it?

I know this looks grim, not expecting a good outcome.
I'm not going to tell you to divorce her.

Instead, get the book "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley. The book has what I think you are looking for. Do what the book says.

If and when she ends the affair and comes back. Then get the books "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs". Have her read them with you and do the work they say to do.

If you can afford it, get some appointments Dr. Harley at Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice He will help you.

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post #17 of 37 (permalink) Old 05-12-2017, 05:21 AM
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Re: How to Reconcile with Bitter Spouse

Why divorce her when you can stay here and keep posting about your unhappiness? We're not going anywhere....

I am not having a dig at you, but that is what will likely happen if you don't do something. It doesn't have to be divorce, it could be to follow the advice @EleGirl gave but the bottom line is that you must do something radically different than you have been for there to be any sort of change. Doing the same thing over has not helped to change your situation.

The most tragic thing I see about this is a man willing to give every last ounce of effort for an unworthy woman, when there are thousands of more worthy women who wouldn't force you to be in limbo in the first place.

I hope you are able to find the advice you need. All the best.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #18 of 37 (permalink) Old 05-12-2017, 06:51 AM
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Re: How to Reconcile with Bitter Spouse

she left dude and she banging someone else.

shes manipulating you with false hopes. why on earth would you want her back?
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post #19 of 37 (permalink) Old 05-12-2017, 07:16 AM
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Re: How to Reconcile with Bitter Spouse

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Because I asked for reconcile advice and didnt get any except divorce.
She walked out on you while you were away to move in with some other guy. Whether she told you she wanted to get your attention or not, SHE LEFT. After this much time if she hasn't come back or even tried to work things out and continued living with this other guy, I'm sorry to say but it's over. If she hadn't left or just left to live with her parents or a friend for a week or so and came back, maybe there would've been a shot at working things out but at this point I highly doubt that she's ever coming back or any chance of reconciliation. Sorry to say it but it's the truth. It's time to move on, take care of yourself and put her behind you.
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post #20 of 37 (permalink) Old 05-12-2017, 07:29 AM
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Cool Re: How to Reconcile with Bitter Spouse

She ain't worth pursuing, Dale! I'd venture that her live-in was always her preeminent "Plan A" and despite the fact that she went ahead and married you, you were still no better than her "Plan B."

She embraced the opportunity of moving in with her Plan A when the time was right for her and the coast was clear! You were just merely hoodwinked!

Move on with your life because there is a woman out there who will truly love you for the man you are!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #21 of 37 (permalink) Old 05-12-2017, 09:12 AM
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In my opinion any man who would even want their wife back after doing this has psychological issues that need to be addressed. Would you agree Dale?
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post #22 of 37 (permalink) Old 05-12-2017, 09:23 AM
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Re: How to Reconcile with Bitter Spouse

OP,
None of us need tell you to divorce her, SHE is telling you to divorce her. Did I read correctly that you, her H, are now a "side piece"? She is cheating on her A partner with you????? And you do not see this as problematic? In essence what you are doing is asking the folks here to tell you how to build a brick wall after telling us that you do not have a foundation, no mortar, no trowels and no bricks. How possibly can one attempt to build the wall, what must we say?

Peace and long life
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post #23 of 37 (permalink) Old 05-12-2017, 09:27 AM
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Re: How to Reconcile with Bitter Spouse

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I'm not going to tell you to divorce her.

Instead, get the book "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley. The book has what I think you are looking for. Do what the book says.

If and when she ends the affair and comes back. Then get the books "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs". Have her read them with you and do the work they say to do.

If you can afford it, get some appointments Dr. Harley at Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice He will help you.
...and then be ready to do the exact same thing once she starts her next affair.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #24 of 37 (permalink) Old 05-12-2017, 09:57 AM
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Re: How to Reconcile with Bitter Spouse

Dale, I refuse to read anymore, your WW has kicked you in the nuts as hard as she can, why on earth are you hanging around for more?
You shouldn't even be talking to her, she is cake eating big time and of course she blames you for her cheating, that is what such low lifes do!
FFS she moved in with another guy, it is OVER.
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post #25 of 37 (permalink) Old 05-12-2017, 12:23 PM
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Re: How to Reconcile with Bitter Spouse

Besides the physical damage to me by my ex-wife's long-term affair, was the emotional damage caused by her vile behavior.

She had the gall to string me along, go through marriage counselling, act like she was repairing things with me from what she called a "one-time mistake". In reality? she was still screwing the guy all along. basically, a 10-year affair.

This is how twisted her "logic" was during that time. Once she finally admitted to what was going on she still made no sense. She said her intent was to break it off and felt that if she acted like she had it would make it easier to actually break it off.

And I almost bought into it!

It was almost like I was in the lobster pot trying to tell the "cook" to turn up the flames since the sooner the boiling was over the sooner I would get out of the pot! Not realizing, of course, that the next phase was to be eaten.

If you had heard from me during that period of time, I'd have been full of attempts to make sense of things and holding out for a glimmer of hope that this women who I thought would love me til the day I died would change her mind about letting some other guy screw her all the time, disrespecting me for years, letting me think she wasn't doing so.

But you know what? All these years later my perspective changed.

I realize now that that wounded and sad man beaten down by such an assault has been replaced by someone who would never allow such crap ever again.

No woman is worth it. I should have booted her out at the first sign of disloyalty.

All the marriage counseling, self-help books, none of it mattered. Certainly not to her who ignored all of it and gaslit constantly. And me? I could not bring myself to admit that it was over and unhealthy for me to stay attempting to fix things. It took a very long time for me to figure that out.

My own neediness, my desire to have the illusion of the white-picket-fence marriage at all cost, prevented me from accepting the truth and living through the fallout of exposing my ex as a ***** and divorcing her.

But you know what? I survived it.

I'm in a much better place for having done so.

You can be as well.

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post #26 of 37 (permalink) Old 05-12-2017, 12:49 PM
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Re: How to Reconcile with Bitter Spouse

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FFS she moved in with another guy, it is OVER.
Why can't I like this more than once?
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post #27 of 37 (permalink) Old 05-12-2017, 01:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How to Reconcile with Bitter Spouse

Desperate people do stupid things, see it in my field all the time. It was my turn now. She coming Sunday to get her things and peace out. Sometimes things dont go as planned buy everyone is right, I had my panties on and now have put my big boy drawers on.
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post #28 of 37 (permalink) Old 05-12-2017, 01:16 PM
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Re: How to Reconcile with Bitter Spouse

After she leaves, toss out everything that was her's and reminds you of her. Purge yourself, your surroundings and start anew. Paint the house, get new furnishings... relocate if allows you to move on. Do this for Dale...

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

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post #29 of 37 (permalink) Old 05-12-2017, 01:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How to Reconcile with Bitter Spouse

This is embarrassing to admit but what really sent me over the edge is I went to my desktop yesterday. I used it once to try to login her facebook a long time ago but she didn't save PW. My phone wasnt working right and so I needed to order flea pills for dogs and what you know, amazon was still up on desktop. She has been ordering sex toys and all kinds of weird stuff. That was the nail in the coffin.
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post #30 of 37 (permalink) Old 05-12-2017, 01:40 PM
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Re: How to Reconcile with Bitter Spouse

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This is embarrassing to admit but what really sent me over the edge is I went to my desktop yesterday. I used it once to try to login her facebook a long time ago but she didn't save PW. My phone wasnt working right and so I needed to order flea pills for dogs and what you know, amazon was still up on desktop. She has been ordering sex toys and all kinds of weird stuff. That was the nail in the coffin.
What do you mean when you say "That was the nail in the coffin."? Do you mean you are now divorcing her? Is reconciliation out of the picture?


Perhaps you should either change the password and registration email on that Amazon account, or open a new one for yourself.
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