Re: How to Reconcile with Bitter Spouse
Besides the physical damage to me by my ex-wife's long-term affair, was the emotional damage caused by her vile behavior.
She had the gall to string me along, go through marriage counselling, act like she was repairing things with me from what she called a "one-time mistake". In reality? she was still screwing the guy all along. basically, a 10-year affair.
This is how twisted her "logic" was during that time. Once she finally admitted to what was going on she still made no sense. She said her intent was to break it off and felt that if she acted like she had it would make it easier to actually break it off.
And I almost bought into it!
It was almost like I was in the lobster pot trying to tell the "cook" to turn up the flames since the sooner the boiling was over the sooner I would get out of the pot! Not realizing, of course, that the next phase was to be eaten.
If you had heard from me during that period of time, I'd have been full of attempts to make sense of things and holding out for a glimmer of hope that this women who I thought would love me til the day I died would change her mind about letting some other guy screw her all the time, disrespecting me for years, letting me think she wasn't doing so.
But you know what? All these years later my perspective changed.
I realize now that that wounded and sad man beaten down by such an assault has been replaced by someone who would never allow such crap ever again.
No woman is worth it. I should have booted her out at the first sign of disloyalty.
All the marriage counseling, self-help books, none of it mattered. Certainly not to her who ignored all of it and gaslit constantly. And me? I could not bring myself to admit that it was over and unhealthy for me to stay attempting to fix things. It took a very long time for me to figure that out.
My own neediness, my desire to have the illusion of the white-picket-fence marriage at all cost, prevented me from accepting the truth and living through the fallout of exposing my ex as a ***** and divorcing her.
But you know what? I survived it.
I'm in a much better place for having done so.
You can be as well.