My wife wants to reconcile after AP doesn't want her - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 11:54 PM Thread Starter
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My wife wants to reconcile after AP doesn't want her

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post #2 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 12:02 AM
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Re: My wife wants to reconcile after AP doesn't want her

The protocol is you laugh in her face and then block her number.


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post #3 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 02:01 AM
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Re: My wife wants to reconcile after AP doesn't want her

You're Plan B because Plan A didn't want her and now she's scrambling.

Cheaters (especially serial cheaters) usually make promises they don't keep. Maybe they do actually mean them at the time when they're desperate but then the temptation is too great to remember them later on.

Don't let her back in your life. You and your son doesn't need to go through this again and the odds are good that you will.
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post #4 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 02:17 AM
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Re: My wife wants to reconcile after AP doesn't want her

It's just too d*mn early in the morning here to figure out how many times you've BOTH cheated.

BUT, W.T.F?!?! You're both basically in an open marriage. Both banging away at whatever gets within range. So, why NOT take her back? And then you can both just continue this cycle of disrespect toward each other.

Or, accept that this relationship is toxic. That neither of you are really happy, with each other. Do the honourable thing and agree to walk away. Get your own, individual issues resolved and eventually look for a new, better, non-cheating, respectful relationship elsewhere.

The third option (and I'm giggling while I write this) is to give it another go. A proper go. Where neither of you cheats. Where you both commit to honouring each other, respecting each other.

Though given the INCREDIBLE lack of willpower described in your OP, the writing is literally on the wall....
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post #5 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 02:44 AM
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Re: My wife wants to reconcile after AP doesn't want her

Neither of you is going to be happy if you try to reconcile. Your entire history together (off/on, push/pull) proves that. Yet, you can't seem to let each other go and the next train wreck ensues.

Your wife is not monogamous marriage material. Neither are you in all honesty. If you're truly asking for honest advice I think you should let each other go and just enjoy being single with no strings for the foreseeable future. That's how you've been living your respective pasts. Just embrace who you both are and stop trying to jam a square peg in a round hole (no innuendo implied).

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow

Last edited by Satya; 05-17-2017 at 03:13 AM. Reason: It's too early for the brain to function properly.
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post #6 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 08:03 AM
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Re: My wife wants to reconcile after AP doesn't want her

I wouldn't take her back.



good luck.
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post #7 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 08:23 AM
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Re: My wife wants to reconcile after AP doesn't want her

No, no..... thrice.

You both have baggage. You both know of the 'other's' baggage. Knowing these things maintains a large measure of distrust and disgust between you. That will never go away.

Trying to maintain a relationship within these conditions is very, ah, foolish.

You can do better, you can.

Her? Unlikely, at least not for a long while. She is scarred.

These scars limit her mental motion, range of reason. She is crippled by them.

You could not fix them before, cannot likely ever fix them.

Let her go...divorce.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #8 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 08:27 AM
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Re: My wife wants to reconcile after AP doesn't want her

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satya View Post
Neither of you is going to be happy if you try to reconcile. Your entire history together (off/on, push/pull) proves that. Yet, you can't seem to let each other go and the next train wreck ensues.

Your wife is not monogamous marriage material. Neither are you in all honesty. If you're truly asking for honest advice I think you should let each other go and just enjoy being single with no strings for the foreseeable future. That's how you've been living your respective pasts. Just embrace who you both are and stop trying to jam a square peg in a round hole (no innuendo implied).
Satya....

Yep!

You are getting too smart for your own britches.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #9 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 10:51 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife wants to reconcile after AP doesn't want her

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Originally Posted by Openminded View Post
You're Plan B because Plan A didn't want her and now she's scrambling.

Cheaters (especially serial cheaters) usually make promises they don't keep. Maybe they do actually mean them at the time when they're desperate but then the temptation is too great to remember them later on.

Don't let her back in your life. You and your son doesn't need to go through this again and the odds are good that you will.
You are right about our son. I don't want him to be happy and excited that we're getting back together, then we don't or it doesn't work out. If (and it's a BIG if) we tried to get back together it would be living under separate roofs for a long time and not telling our son a peep.

I know that cheaters lie to get what they want, I've been there and done that. Right now she could tell me that she is the Queen of Papua Nw Guinea and I'd believe that before anything else.

You are also right about me being Plan B. The "eh, he'll do because the man I really want isn't an option" guy. No one wants to be that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DayOne View Post
It's just too d*mn early in the morning here to figure out how many times you've BOTH cheated.

BUT, W.T.F?!?! You're both basically in an open marriage. Both banging away at whatever gets within range. So, why NOT take her back? And then you can both just continue this cycle of disrespect toward each other.

Or, accept that this relationship is toxic. That neither of you are really happy, with each other. Do the honourable thing and agree to walk away. Get your own, individual issues resolved and eventually look for a new, better, non-cheating, respectful relationship elsewhere.

The third option (and I'm giggling while I write this) is to give it another go. A proper go. Where neither of you cheats. Where you both commit to honouring each other, respecting each other.

Though given the INCREDIBLE lack of willpower described in your OP, the writing is literally on the wall....
You are right that we have both cheated. Of the 10 years we've been together I spent 12 months of that time dipping my **** where it didn't belong (comparatively my wife has spent about 17 months with other men's D inside her). My wife uses the excuse that if I hadn't cheated first and if I would have married her sooner than after 7 years of dating, she never would have cheated. She wanted revenge for my affair, and other men paid more attention to her than I did. She needed to feel in control of her body and sex. While it probably holds some truth, it's also just excuses. I cheated because I wanted to. ****ty thing to say but it's the truth. I screwed other women because it was fun, exciting and it felt good. Sure, sex with my wife wasn't good but I could have changed that but I chose to put my effort into other women. Because I wanted to.

Jan/2007 - We met, wife was and remained emotionally involved with her ex
Nov 2011-May 2012 - I was having an affair
May 2012 - My wife had PA with gym rat
Sept 2013-Dec 2013 - My wife had a PA with her ex

Mar 2014 - We married
Feb-Aug 2015 - I had casual sex with 8 women
Sep-Dec 2015 - My wife had PA with her ex
June-Aug 2016 - My wife had a PA with a gym rat
Sep 2016-April 2017 - My wife was in a PA with her ex

When my wife talks like that and blames me for her actions and starts kissing my ass that is when I start thinking about taking her back. The responses here are right, though, don't do it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satya View Post
Neither of you is going to be happy if you try to reconcile. Your entire history together (off/on, push/pull) proves that. Yet, you can't seem to let each other go and the next train wreck ensues.

Your wife is not monogamous marriage material. Neither are you in all honesty. If you're truly asking for honest advice I think you should let each other go and just enjoy being single with no strings for the foreseeable future. That's how you've been living your respective pasts. Just embrace who you both are and stop trying to jam a square peg in a round hole (no innuendo implied).
Good points, thank you. History probably would repeat itself for one of us. Or if her ex decides he wants some more side action she would probably be out the door.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SunCMars View Post
No, no..... thrice.

You both have baggage. You both know of the 'other's' baggage. Knowing these things maintains a large measure of distrust and disgust between you. That will never go away.

Trying to maintain a relationship within these conditions is very, ah, foolish.

You can do better, you can.

Her? Unlikely, at least not for a long while. She is scarred.

These scars limit her mental motion, range of reason. She is crippled by them.

You could not fix them before, cannot likely ever fix them.

Let her go...divorce.
Good points, thank you.
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post #10 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 11:02 AM
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Re: My wife wants to reconcile after AP doesn't want her

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What is the protocol on how to handle this?


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post #11 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 11:15 AM
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Re: My wife wants to reconcile after AP doesn't want her

I'm a glass half full kind of guy. You two were MADE for each other. Hell yes take her back and please post updates every 6 months on who's banging who. You two should also consider opening up the marriage to keep things interesting. Good luck.

I'm serious.. you two shouldn't bring in other non-cheating people into a new relationship. Keep each other and figure it out. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
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post #12 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 11:34 AM
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Re: My wife wants to reconcile after AP doesn't want her

You guys aren't good for one another. You're also not good for other people (as partners), in general. You've both cheated on one another numerous times, and that's not healthy. If you had an open relationship, that would be one thing, but this isn't just about the sex, it's also about the lies and the manipulation that goes along with those lies.

You both need more space and should spend time on your own, apart, and also alone... don't get involved with another partner any time soon. Go to IC and figure out why you disrespect yourself and your partner by cheating. Hopefully she can do the same, and deal with her other issues as well. You can't heal your relationship if you don't individually heal yourselves first.

You don't need to rule out reconciliation entirely, but you do need to rule it out for right now. If you both can work on your own issues, then decide if you WANT to try to re-build your relationship. You may be surprised by your answer to this question a year from now.

Don't rush this because you don't want to be alone.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #13 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 11:35 AM
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Re: My wife wants to reconcile after AP doesn't want her

A week ago I had a string hanging out on my short shorts.

Now it is 500 ft long. Someone is pulling it.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #14 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 11:42 AM
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Re: My wife wants to reconcile after AP doesn't want her

From what you described, it doesn't appear that either of you are marriage material.
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post #15 of 27 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 11:47 AM
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Re: My wife wants to reconcile after AP doesn't want her

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Originally Posted by karole View Post
From what you described, it doesn't appear that either of you are marriage material.
This x about a million.

What a train wreck.

Either be single or open your marriage. Either way you're both toxic.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
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