You're Plan B because Plan A didn't want her and now she's scrambling.
Cheaters (especially serial cheaters) usually make promises they don't keep. Maybe they do actually mean them at the time when they're desperate but then the temptation is too great to remember them later on.
Don't let her back in your life. You and your son doesn't need to go through this again and the odds are good that you will.
You are right about our son. I don't want him to be happy and excited that we're getting back together, then we don't or it doesn't work out. If (and it's a BIG if) we tried to get back together it would be living under separate roofs for a long time and not telling our son a peep.
I know that cheaters lie to get what they want, I've been there and done that. Right now she could tell me that she is the Queen of Papua Nw Guinea and I'd believe that before anything else.
You are also right about me being Plan B. The "eh, he'll do because the man I really want isn't an option" guy. No one wants to be that.
It's just too d*mn early in the morning here to figure out how many times you've BOTH cheated.
BUT, W.T.F?!?! You're both basically in an open marriage. Both banging away at whatever gets within range. So, why NOT take her back? And then you can both just continue this cycle of disrespect toward each other.
Or, accept that this relationship is toxic. That neither of you are really happy, with each other. Do the honourable thing and agree to walk away. Get your own, individual issues resolved and eventually look for a new, better, non-cheating, respectful relationship elsewhere.
The third option (and I'm giggling while I write this) is to give it another go. A proper go. Where neither of you cheats. Where you both commit to honouring each other, respecting each other.
Though given the INCREDIBLE lack of willpower described in your OP, the writing is literally on the wall....
You are right that we have both cheated. Of the 10 years we've been together I spent 12 months of that time dipping my **** where it didn't belong (comparatively my wife has spent about 17 months with other men's D inside her). My wife uses the excuse that if I hadn't cheated first and if I would have married her sooner than after 7 years of dating, she never would have cheated. She wanted revenge for my affair, and other men paid more attention to her than I did. She needed to feel in control of her body and sex. While it probably holds some truth, it's also just excuses. I cheated because I wanted to. ****ty thing to say but it's the truth. I screwed other women because it was fun, exciting and it felt good. Sure, sex with my wife wasn't good but I could have changed that but I chose to put my effort into other women. Because I wanted to. Jan/2007 - We met, wife was and remained emotionally involved with her ex Nov 2011-May 2012 - I was having an affair May 2012 - My wife had PA with gym rat
Sept 2013-Dec 2013 - My wife had a PA with her ex Mar 2014 - We married Feb-Aug 2015 - I had casual sex with 8 women Sep-Dec 2015 - My wife had PA with her ex
June-Aug 2016 - My wife had a PA with a gym rat
Sep 2016-April 2017 - My wife was in a PA with her ex
When my wife talks like that and blames me for her actions and starts kissing my ass that is when I start thinking about taking her back. The responses here are right, though, don't do it.
Neither of you is going to be happy if you try to reconcile. Your entire history together (off/on, push/pull) proves that. Yet, you can't seem to let each other go and the next train wreck ensues.
Your wife is not monogamous marriage material. Neither are you in all honesty. If you're truly asking for honest advice I think you should let each other go and just enjoy being single with no strings for the foreseeable future. That's how you've been living your respective pasts. Just embrace who you both are and stop trying to jam a square peg in a round hole (no innuendo implied).
Good points, thank you. History probably would repeat itself for one of us. Or if her ex decides he wants some more side action she would probably be out the door.
No, no..... thrice.
You both have baggage. You both know of the 'other's' baggage. Knowing these things maintains a large measure of distrust and disgust between you. That will never go away.
Trying to maintain a relationship within these conditions is very, ah, foolish.
You can do better, you can.
Her? Unlikely, at least not for a long while. She is scarred.
These scars limit her mental motion, range of reason. She is crippled by them.
You could not fix them before, cannot likely ever fix them.
Let her go...divorce.
Good points, thank you.