Re: Finally...solid progress
The desire to move at a pace that is more comfortable for her is common. It is the desire to move past an uncomfortable misstep.
I think that it is impossible for a person who has cheated to really understand the shock of what they have done if they have not been on the receiving end.
If you did to your wife what she did to you - talking to another woman, leaving her, your home and kids to be with the OW, she would be prostrate right now.
But she may expect you to get over it because she still does not know how bad what she did was. Also how lucky she is to have such a strong man, not perfect but motivated and loving.
I think it is instructive for the DS to consider what it would be like if the shoe were on the other foot. What through it with the LS step by step. Discuss the emotions and feelings of anger, rage etc. See if more empathy can be illicited.
Many times, if the DS lack of empathy actually derails the R. But the effect is delayed.
It is not uncommon for the LS, after trying for 2 years or so with everything seeming to go smoothly from the DS point of view, to suddenly bail.
I think it is because the DS wants to forget and the LS has to remember and process and can't just forget.
My advice to DS who are sincere about R, the discomfort you experience when the LS needs to process what happened again and agin is nothing.
If you are not willing to walk with in the pain of the LS then look out. You may get a surprise in 2 - 5 years. The LS may decide it is not worth swallowing their pain just to be with the cause of it.
My magic wand would remove shame from sexuality for all! Anon Pink