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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Reconciliation » Finally...solid progress

Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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Old 02-26-2012, 12:28 PM   #61 (permalink)
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No titty bars!!
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Old 02-26-2012, 01:11 PM   #62 (permalink)
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Is there anthing else I can do or are there any other ideas to make sure he knows I'm not doing anything wrong? I want him to have a good time and not worry. btw this is Calvin's wife.
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Old 02-26-2012, 01:25 PM   #63 (permalink)
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Call him every day and be accountable for everything you do, that's all. Maybe keep a log or journal of your activities that he can look over when he comes back?
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Old 02-26-2012, 01:30 PM   #64 (permalink)
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I believe in love, i believe that absolutely everything is possible, and you guys are a proof of it. I wish you the best
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Calvin, I full heartily believe this too. I think people make mistakes and sometimes they hurt the one you love the most. I think affairs happen sometimes when we have our own insecurities and depression. You go to any means to just feel better.

I do believe one can be truly remorseful and hurt just as much as the BS. I just think they are different kind of hurts but nonetheless it is still hurt. I know you are afraid but try and open your heart to let her build your trust in her again. Forgiveness will become not only a gift to her but also to yourself. I promise the future rewards if you both can fight this through will be so great. I feel it in my heart. Remember lots of people learn from their mistakes.

Is she able to go with you? Like a mini retreat for your relationship in your down time.
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Old 02-26-2012, 02:05 PM   #65 (permalink)
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Depending on schedules and stuff maybe I could go with him this time. If not maybe have one of myu girlfriends spend a night or 2 with me.
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Old 02-26-2012, 02:06 PM   #66 (permalink)
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Thanks Sad,I hope you are doing well.Things are looking good for the most part.She has gone on the trips to Kentucky before but usually I go by myself,I like the peacefull quiet drive through the country alone and the time me and my adopted brothers spend together,its a chance for me to get away by my self once a year.I 'm a little leary of going but I believe it will be ok,I'm sure my buddies and my Maw- Maw(thier mother,might as well be mine to)are going to want to hear everything so I dont know if she should go.The kids will have school too and she needs to be here,I think it will be ok as long as we stay in contact quite a bit.Maybe a few days away will be good for us too
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Old 02-26-2012, 03:43 PM   #67 (permalink)
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Depending on schedules and stuff maybe I could go with him this time. If not maybe have one of myu girlfriends spend a night or 2 with me.
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I think a girlfriend over would be excellent...someone that Calvin likes and trusts all the better. Make sure you don't waste the second chance and thank Calvin for loving you enough to give that 2nd chance to you before he leaves.
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Old 02-26-2012, 03:46 PM   #68 (permalink)
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Thanks Sad,I hope you are doing well.Things are looking good for the most part.She has gone on the trips to Kentucky before but usually I go by myself,I like the peacefull quiet drive through the country alone and the time me and my adopted brothers spend together,its a chance for me to get away by my self once a year.I 'm a little leary of going but I believe it will be ok,I'm sure my buddies and my Maw- Maw(thier mother,might as well be mine to)are going to want to hear everything so I dont know if she should go.The kids will have school too and she needs to be here,I think it will be ok as long as we stay in contact quite a bit.Maybe a few days away will be good for us too
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I believe its will be ok. Go and enjoy your time and keep in touch with each other throughout the day.
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Old 02-27-2012, 05:24 PM   #69 (permalink)
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I see alot of thread about facebook being the start of these EAs, wondering how many other people have had a similar situation and were able to reconcile like we did
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Old 02-27-2012, 05:45 PM   #70 (permalink)
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When my hubby had to go on a business trip he wrote me a letter for every day that he'd be gone and printed them off and numbered them for me, so that each day I could read one. He also texted and emailed me a LOT. It was still REALLY hard to be away from him physically for that long, but the letters helped.
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Old 02-28-2012, 01:13 AM   #71 (permalink)
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Calvin

The desire to move at a pace that is more comfortable for her is common. It is the desire to move past an uncomfortable misstep.

I think that it is impossible for a person who has cheated to really understand the shock of what they have done if they have not been on the receiving end.

If you did to your wife what she did to you - talking to another woman, leaving her, your home and kids to be with the OW, she would be prostrate right now.

But she may expect you to get over it because she still does not know how bad what she did was. Also how lucky she is to have such a strong man, not perfect but motivated and loving.

I think it is instructive for the DS to consider what it would be like if the shoe were on the other foot. What through it with the LS step by step. Discuss the emotions and feelings of anger, rage etc. See if more empathy can be illicited.

Many times, if the DS lack of empathy actually derails the R. But the effect is delayed.

It is not uncommon for the LS, after trying for 2 years or so with everything seeming to go smoothly from the DS point of view, to suddenly bail.

I think it is because the DS wants to forget and the LS has to remember and process and can't just forget.

My advice to DS who are sincere about R, the discomfort you experience when the LS needs to process what happened again and agin is nothing.

If you are not willing to walk with in the pain of the LS then look out. You may get a surprise in 2 - 5 years. The LS may decide it is not worth swallowing their pain just to be with the cause of it.
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Old 02-28-2012, 08:52 AM   #72 (permalink)
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Catherine,thank you,you always seem to offer sound advise.I feel she is pretty much doing the right things to make this work,I know she wants it to go a little faster but how do you try to hurry up and get over something like this? I cant,every day does seem to get a little better,I'm not sure if she really understands how much it hurts.I wish the triggers would go away,they make me nuts sometimes
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Old 03-01-2012, 11:32 PM   #73 (permalink)
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Calvin has been amazing and the fog from my head has dissappeared.. At this point I feel I would do ANYTHING to keep him..What the heck was I thinking??? I love him with all my heart..Why did I have so many doubts? Why was I almost really to give up such an incredible husband? Wow I feel so stupid for what I did and for not realizing what I almost lost. Yes he had problems both him and I before I went searching for my ex and yes I really thought both Calvin and I were both miserable in this marriage but what bothers me is he made all the right changes and I was too distracted by the OM..I get sick thinking about it..Now I am realizing how much I took hubby for granted..If there is anyone out there feeling like you're in a loveless marriage please don't make the mistake I did..please talk to your spouse, do the marriage counseling before looking to someone else for that attention. Seriously I feel like I've learned so much in this past month than I have in my entire life.
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Old 03-01-2012, 11:42 PM   #74 (permalink)
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Good on you CSS. You have come a long way in a short time.
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Old 03-01-2012, 11:49 PM   #75 (permalink)
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Calvin has been amazing and the fog from my head has dissappeared.. At this point I feel I would do ANYTHING to keep him..What the heck was I thinking??? I love him with all my heart..Why did I have so many doubts? Why was I almost really to give up such an incredible husband? Wow I feel so stupid for what I did and for not realizing what I almost lost. Yes he had problems both him and I before I went searching for my ex and yes I really thought both Calvin and I were both miserable in this marriage but what bothers me is he made all the right changes and I was too distracted by the OM..I get sick thinking about it..Now I am realizing how much I took hubby for granted..If there is anyone out there feeling like you're in a loveless marriage please don't make the mistake I did..please talk to your spouse, do the marriage counseling before looking to someone else for that attention. Seriously I feel like I've learned so much in this past month than I have in my entire life.
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I think unfortunately by the time people come on these sites its too late for counseling. Count yourselves lucky. Relish your second chance and enjoy the rest of your lives together.
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