EA, PA don't know don't care about a label...it was an affair! I can't believe I had an affair...ohh that word affair sounds so harsh! I did..me..I can't even believe it myself...so selfish, stupid and crazy...I hurt my family...I should of thought about that before but it's too late now. Soo call it what you all want..I looked him up, I iniciated all of it because I am an a$$ Posted via Mobile Device
I never in my life had sex with this man...maybe that's why he seemed so interested...maybe his plan was to play Mr Nice guy and be respectful and not try anything sexual so that I would believe he was the nice guy when all along I now wonder now if that was his goal all along! Posted via Mobile Device
It was his goal all along,ask any man on this site and I'm sure 95% of them will tell you this is what he was working up to.He's a covicted felon,cheater,liar,bullsh!ter and a loser who owns nothing,I'm glad this stoped when It did or who knows where we'd be right now.We're doing pretty damn good considering but there is more work ahead and I'm optomistic about our future...I hate that sometimes you think that maybe he isnt all that bad...he is bad.I love you CSS. Posted via Mobile Device
Well said Bandit,I think she feels a little sorry for him,this piece of sh!t does'nt deserve any sympathy at all,a @ss whooping is what he deserves and I bet one day soon he'll get it Posted via Mobile Device
I don't feel sorry for him. I have no reason to. I'm sure that man will never settle down and be happy but that is not my problem. As long as he's staying away from me there is no reason to bother him. Posted via Mobile Device
Things have been going pretty good for the most part,lot of bumps,lot of triggers and I'm having a hard time trying not to think about all the conversations they had and the things they talked about,especially the sweet talk from him,things like no other woman could ever measure up to her,he never stoped thinking about her and more bullsh!t he said so he could get what he wanted.Why is it so damn hard to get this out of my head?Drives me nuts sometimes.My wife has come around quite a bit,she now admitts that she did contribute to the decline in our marriage,thats a good thing,before she said this was 100% my fault,I knew better.I'm happy,I'm depressed,make sense?Never thought R was going to be this rough...still need that FF button for my life,I cant get over the irony that she is the only one that can help me when she was the one that caused so much pain.Man,this really messes a persons head up!I know it will get way better but I wish it was all better now,I'm getting impatient..ugh. Posted via Mobile Device
One day at a time, one breath at a time, keep walking...
Like a pachyderm, just keep walking even when it seems like you aren't getting anywhere.
I'm not doing well at all, and even though I talk a tough game about divorcing my wife, I miss her like crazy. I still don't sleep and maybe eat 600 calories a day at most if I'm lucky. Not good for a guy who is 6'-2" and built like an NFL tackle.
I've lost 37 pounds on my "divorce diet". Going to get a full workup at the doctor's next week because I feel like crap. Oh, and having no sex is a real plus too.
Calvin it may take 2 to 3 years to get to a good place. This just happened and it was massive. You want the pain to be gone but you can;t skip steps along the way.
I have a sense that you have skipped a couple of steps. You and your wife have to explore why.
What was it about her that made her deceive you, leave her kids and treat you so badly. What is it about her that would make her value an ex con player and devalue a quality man like you.
What ever it is, it needs to be explored. She has to acknowledge that there is something in her that made her chose to do those things.
It was not your anger problem. She could have taken the kids and moved into an apartment if she was that unhappy. But she choose to do this.
She has to really see your value as a man. Not because this guy turned out to be a creep and not what she thought but because a man like you is very hard to find.
She will meet many men in her life whether she is married or not but none of them will have the combination of positive qualities that you bring - first and foremost you love her deeply, you are strong, committed, love you family and provide well for them.
There are many lovely deserving men and woman who are not so fortunate to have such a mate. Many times it is dumb luck when you have a good partner.
I know you are reading too Cant. Please don't feel affronted by what I said. Calvin's processing of this trauma is vital to your happiness as well as his.
Don't rush things, take a close look at you and don't flinch. It is the greatest opportunity for growth that you will have in your life.
You have good qualities or Calvin would not love you. He has had some personal issues that he is getting help for and you should do the same. Your personal issues are serious I think.
We have been talking,think we both need to try harder,I'm not a needy or clingy man,never was but I guess I need more from her,re-assurance?
more understanding?She texted me this morning telling me she will so me how much she loves and cares.I've never really "needed" anyone but I need her to help me through this,she's trying but I guess I need more.Is that strange?
I feel for you Bandit,I like your take no cr@p attitude,hang in there man,youre an inspiration to many,best of luck. Posted via Mobile Device
Catherine, the thing that I keep telling myself now is..Oh I really should have dealt with our marrital problems instead of seeking my ex. It was so wrong and I really wish I could have a do-over. Once I did kick Calvin out he really did change into an amazing husband and here I was scared he'd go back to his old ways..I made a very very bad choice and now I am here (mentaly and physically) to see how wonderful he is. I continue to give Calvin my total devotion every day now. We are doing really good. It's natural for him to be afraid to trust me. Shoot if I put myself in his shoes wow the trust has got to be hard. We are searching for a new counselor. We will get better and better every day, I believe it just takes time. We do talk about the EA alot. I don't like to but will do whatever I can to help him heal. Posted via Mobile Device
Booked a jacuzzi suite for the weekend with tickets for the comedy club,things are going very well,connection between us is strong and getting srtonger.Really feel good about this.Both of us are putting a lot into this marriage,working at it like our lives depend on it and it does.Feels so damn good.Its nice to be happy again.never surrender and keep your head high,there is always hope. Posted via Mobile Device
I've never seen huband and wife both post on here at the same time and tell their story.This happen much?
No it doesn't happen very often and that's for good reason.
When it does happen it doesn't end well. Support forums are not a place for both parties to be seeking advice.
I read this entire thread as well as a good chunk of calvin's back posts and this is one heck of a "turnaround" in a period of less than 7 weeks by a woman who at first was highly suspected by many seasoned posters of having a PA who denies it in her very words on this forum, even though she acknowledges meeting up with the guy more than once.
I sure hope calvin is keeping tabs on CantSitStill and she is being completely open with him about anything and everything he wants and needs to know.