Finally...solid progress
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Reconciliation » Finally...solid progress

Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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Old 02-04-2012, 10:09 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Finally...solid progress

Hello all,some of you have read my post in the reconciliation area and condidering devorce section.Me and my wife are doing pretty good,much better than I thought possible.Wife has really been getting into TAMs lately.we both are going to start posting in the reconsiliation area tonight or tomorrow,me under my name and she under hers she hasnt registed yet,I'll help her with that after work today.I've never seen huband and wife both post on here at the same time and tell their story.This happen much? T hanks for all the advise I recieved,if it wasnt for some of you I really dont think me and my wife would be this far along....thank you all again
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Old 02-04-2012, 01:20 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hello all,some of you have read my post in the reconciliation area and condidering devorce section.Me and my wife are doing pretty good,much better than I thought possible.Wife has really been getting into TAMs lately.we both are going to start posting in the reconsiliation area tonight or tomorrow,me under my name and she under hers she hasnt registed yet,I'll help her with that after work today.I've never seen huband and wife both post on here at the same time and tell their story.This happen much? T hanks for all the advise I recieved,if it wasnt for some of you I really dont think me and my wife would be this far along....thank you all again
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Praying for you and hoping for continuous good news.
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Old 02-04-2012, 04:29 PM   #3 (permalink)
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calvin:
I have had progress today. Huge progress, had a long 6 hour phone conversation and all is revealed. No holding back. We owned what we had done, apologies exchanged, working very hard on open communication, changing the way we begin a concern. Treating each with respect and empathesizing with one another for the pain and actions we took.

Really, really good day and soul sharing.

Good luck to you and me and your spouse and my ex.
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Old 02-04-2012, 04:34 PM   #4 (permalink)
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So glad to hear that spark,things are goin well with us...its incredible how things have turned,in a couple days both of us should be posting to tell our story from both sides
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Old 02-04-2012, 04:50 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I hope one day my husband will come around.

Sparkles....I know you divorced in July.....were u separated before that?
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Old 02-05-2012, 12:59 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Prayers and lots of hope to you Sad,me and wife are both pulling for you,we think you and others will be inspired by our story,we hope so.Only thing we're waiting on is her picking a name..lol.
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Old 02-05-2012, 08:01 AM   #7 (permalink)
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sad: no we were not. We lived together until the house sold and it was he double hockey sticks. Pain was near unbearable but he was in fog of EA.

We are making that episode, part of our historical life and prevent that happening again by keeping the lines of communication open, working on intimacy and the big one : TRUST
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Old 02-06-2012, 08:25 AM   #8 (permalink)
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sad: no we were not. We lived together until the house sold and it was he double hockey sticks. Pain was near unbearable but he was in fog of EA.

We are making that episode, part of our historical life and prevent that happening again by keeping the lines of communication open, working on intimacy and the big one : TRUST
Thank you for sharing that. Its interesting how after months a spouse who wanted to leave suddenly changes their mind. I wish mine would but I'm afraid he's totally gone now.

I wish you and Calvin the best.
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Old 02-06-2012, 08:31 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Its interesting how after months a spouse who wanted to leave suddenly changes their mind.
Yeah I wonder too.

Not to burst your bubble Calvin, but your wife seems to be boating out of the fog fairly quickly. Too quickly for comfort I think.

Doesn't it usually takes months for waywards to come out of their temporary insanity and even longer before they start acting like spouses again? What is your wife's demeanor? Is she truly remorseful, or just feeling guilty and doing what she can to get everyone off her back?

I guess what I'm saying is, don't get too proud yet. She may be setting you up for another pounding....
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Old 02-06-2012, 08:59 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Hi Calvin I am sooo glad things are working out.

Out of all of the post that I have read from male members, you really stand out for your strength, values, commitment and love.

Reading gruesome stories about what people do to their spouses and children, makes you appreciate what you have. I appreciate my husband more now than I ever did. I realize how much I lucked out to have a strong man like him.

My impression was, when I read your story, that your wife did not know how good she had it because she had beginners luck. You also did not know how good you had it.

It would help you both to read as many threads as possible and post comments. It helps put your relationship and each other in perspective.

You really appreciate what you have when you know what you might have had, it you were less fortunate.

PS there are couples who are members. Sometimes they post on the same thread. sometimes not.
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Old 02-06-2012, 11:37 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Thank you Catherine,Spudster,the remorse is there,she spoke to my Mom about this,my daughter,co-workers and other family.She's done a lot of reading on TAMs she cant tell me why she did it,she says that yes it was like a drug,badboy FB her the other night and she went off on him,told him he is not a man but that I am,she told him few times she hates him,I was with her,I let him no what I was going to do if he tried anything,petty sure I scared him.She has been apologizing over and over,mostley out of the blue.She still cries often and she knows she has to live with this and she knows everyone else knows....She miserable sometimes.We should start posting soon then you guys can listen to her and give me you opionion...please. Thanlks again
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Old 02-06-2012, 11:48 AM   #12 (permalink)
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make sure you get the following


1) No contact whatsoever with OM. I'm not clear as to what was said, but it wasn't spelled out she needs to hand write a no contact letter stating that she wants no contact from him in any form. If he does try to contact her then she must ignore it and tell you of it right away. Block him on FB, email, phone etc
2) Complete transparency- she gives up all passwords, emails, FB etc. If you want to look at her phone then she hands it over with no complaint. She tells you where she is going, if she is late and checks in a lot until you feel comfortable. She doesn't complain if you wish to verify her actions thru spying like GPS or VAR or keyloggers.
3) She shows complete remorse- marital problems are 50/50. The affair is 100% hers. She must demonstrate remorse thru actions and not just words. She must do what she can to help you heal.
4) Spend 10-15 hours a week of one on one time to rebond and have fun together and talk.
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Old 02-06-2012, 12:33 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Thank you Catherine,Spudster,the remorse is there,she spoke to my Mom about this,my daughter,co-workers and other family.She's done a lot of reading on TAMs she cant tell me why she did it,she says that yes it was like a drug,badboy FB her the other night and she went off on him,told him he is not a man but that I am,she told him few times she hates him,I was with her,I let him no what I was going to do if he tried anything,petty sure I scared him.She has been apologizing over and over,mostley out of the blue.She still cries often and she knows she has to live with this and she knows everyone else knows....She miserable sometimes.We should start posting soon then you guys can listen to her and give me you opionion...please. Thanlks again
I like you Calvin. The world needs more standup men like you. ...Just don't want you to get your hopes too high.

Take it one day at a time. I recommend you and your wife take one hour out of every day and just talk. Doesn't matter what you talk about, just as long as your wife is getting that one-on-one she needs from you every day. This goes alot farther than any MC, and costs alot less.

Tell your kids that for one hour every day they are on their own. I'm sure they can handle it. You and your wife also need a private zone, a sanctum, where the kids and family are not allowed. This could be a room in the house, or a daily walk down the road together, etc. Someplace where it is just you and her with no cell phones, kids or distractions. Works wonders for me and my wife. If we go one single day without our together time we get grumpy with each other real quick.

Alot of prayer and hysterical bonding sex is good too!

Good luck.
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Old 02-06-2012, 03:50 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Finally...solid progress

My hubby was remorseful almost immediately - it took him about a week? So it can happen.

Glad to hear things are good, calvin
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Old 02-06-2012, 07:29 PM   #15 (permalink)
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glad to hear that hope.No it has not been all that long but I really feel her actions,words, and the hugs tell me she feel remorse.best of luck to you.My wife's name on TAMs is going to be CantSitStill,seems fitting in a way.She will be on this post when she is readty,just got her squared away...
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