Help me understand something. You say your sex life dropped off within months of getting married, does that mean:
1. She stopped initiating
2. she started frequently rejecting you
3. She didn't reject a lot but didn't seem very into it
4. She did a combo of 3 and 4
As for being "cold" what you call being cold, I would likely describe as a specific way to express anger. Cold anger and a reduced thermostat setting are completely different things.
There likely is little difference between how much we love our respective wives. And yet a giant difference in our perception regarding how much restraint to show in expressing that love. I really don't think you grasp how powerful restraint is. You have never really explained why your wife suddenly got agitated and requested a divorce. And en she left you. And yet here you are still chasing her trying to win her back, why is her heart hard?
And yes I come back to the sex thing, depending on what happened, and how much it dropped quickly you were either really crowding her or not demanding she show basic marital commitment.
QUOTE=This is me;724287]You may be right Mem. But honestly, the person I am and want to be is kind, considerate, loving, generous, patient and honest. I think this is what most good people strive to be.
The interesting thing is that we will be discussing this at MC tonight.
Honestly (there is that one again) I am not always all of that. I can be unkind, inconsiderate, cold, selfish, impatient and dishonest from time to time. She knows it and has used those few moments to justify her falling away as if it was the biggest part of me.
The Thermostat only makes a little sense to me, but I honestly (again) do not get it. I spent months not persuing her and it got me no where, she is not an initiator. If I had not been kind, considerate, loving, generous, patient and honest....we would be divorced right now. These qualitities kept our marriage together.
I am not sure one size fits all.[/QUOTE]
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Last edited by MEM2020; 05-04-2012 at 08:53 PM.