"This is me," thank you for sharing your reconciliation story with us. Keep us posted . There are always skeptics. I am one of them, but I'm hoping you and your wife would make it. Don't be discouraged to post more.
I'm wondering if your wife has ever felt sorry for how she treated you and if she stops blaming you for all the problems. Other than starting to show affections, does she open up to you and tell you all the problems so this would not happen again?
Thank you Scione. I am forgetting the screen name of the female who's husband just moved home and last I saw she signed off this website to work on the marriage and not let this website influence her.
I know in some dark moments of pain reading some advice on TAM could have ended my marriage of nearly 18 years. I credit the book Divorce Busters for helping me see the forest for the trees and understanding that if I really want this marriage I will need to show extreme patience. Especially with a MLC.
To answer your question, she has. In MC and alone, she has acknowledged the pain she has caused and shown signs of empathy. Honestly, the wall has gone back up to some degree after, but overall it has come down dramatically. I think it will take time for her and I am willing to give it.
Lets face it though, we are all responsible to some degree, so for me I have also acknowledged any pain I may have caused her. I am grateful she is in MC and going to Marriage Workshop with me. That in of itself is a sign of showing a willingness to work on it.
I think the blame she has put on me has become more obvious to her in our sessions. She built up resentment by dwelling on little issues, I should say little to me, not to her. I have asked for her forgiveness and only She can forgive, let go and move on to fully open up, but this may take time, and only she can give free herself and our marriage.
We both know I am the one willing to talk, she clams up and would rather run from talking. What talking we have done, we have done it wrong through the years. We brought contradicting styles of communication into this marriage. Her parents are much different than mine.
According to her, her parents never fought. She even asked them. They claim they never did. I think she has no reference as to how to disagree it in a healthy way. I think it is typical for couples to disagree from time to time, but it is how they resolve that makes the difference. If her parents did not teach her, how would she know?
All I know is she is here, she is working on it and we have hope for the future.
Please pray for us!