She is moving back home.... - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
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post #91 of 142 (permalink) Old 09-21-2012, 11:22 AM
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Re: She is moving back home....

Awesome read and I'm really happy to see this work so well

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post #92 of 142 (permalink) Old 10-04-2012, 04:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: She is moving back home....

Just a little update:

When I think of how far we have come, I am so glad I hung in there did the MC, IC and marriage workshops. We are still in one of the workshops and she came out at the last session and shared with our table (4 couples) how reliable, trustworthy, committed and other positives about me.

Warmed my heart to know she is seeing me through her own eyes and not that alien that took her over.

We were at a party out of town this weekend with many others, who all knew about our past rough period. One of the others came up to me to tell me that she spoke with my wife on the side to share with her how she got to know me better during this period and learned what a great guy I am. That was a feel good and I think a reassurance for my wife that we are worth it.

I am grateful for the thoughts, prayers, encouragement, advice and positive pro-marriage help from those here at TAM!

I wish all who read this good marriages.

Last edited by This is me; 10-05-2012 at 12:08 PM.
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post #93 of 142 (permalink) Old 10-04-2012, 04:48 PM
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Re: She is moving back home....

That's great! Everytime I saw the image you put up I just wanted to yell WILSON! ha congradulations bro.
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post #94 of 142 (permalink) Old 10-05-2012, 08:50 AM
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Re: She is moving back home....

Great news. Your story is an inspiration. It is good to see positive stories out there.
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post #95 of 142 (permalink) Old 10-05-2012, 12:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: She is moving back home....

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That's great! Everytime I saw the image you put up I just wanted to yell WILSON! ha congradulations bro.
Ha!

I used to think once I escaped the island having been castaway that I would switch my picture to Tom Hanks on the beach after he produced "FIRE".

But Wilson has grown on me enough to keep him as my look.
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post #96 of 142 (permalink) Old 11-22-2012, 07:22 PM
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Re: She is moving back home....

Hi TIM, have you got an update?
Hope everything is still going well.
All good here
DG
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post #97 of 142 (permalink) Old 11-23-2012, 09:53 AM Thread Starter
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Re: She is moving back home....

Thank you Daisy Girl. I appreciate your interest and glad things are well with you also.

So yesterday, being Thanksgiving Day had an interesting finish. We both went to our family functions seperately, which is fine for not only the awkward part of it, but also for the logistics. A little background and update first.

Since we nearly divorced earlier this year, first and foremost has been working on us, which is going well. Dealing with the familys would logically come after we got a foothold on our marriage.

Our large familys are very different. Mine very huggy feeling, hers not so much. So naturally, mine welcomed her back right away and I have brought her to a few functions. Some of my family still have hard feelings about what she did, but all are cordial and most understand.

I on the other hand have not been invited to any of her family functions, as of yet. Since she walked and was very likely telling those revisionist history stories about our relationship under that MLC cloud, some of them likely don't think to kindly of me. That is, at least the ones who didn't know too well.

An example is, she has a brother who lives far away who is married with some adult kids, who I only saw once a year on average, during our 18 year marriage. All of them unfriended me on FB within a couple of days after she walked last year. They clearly got all that foggy news through the MIL who has never really been warm to me through the years.

This really hurt to think how quickly they concluded they should cut the FB link.

But the local sister, husband and three kids who knows me much better and although we didn't commnicate through FB, they never unfriended me. This family also hosted TG yesterday where my Wife went solo.

So, I got home last night and she was already home and told me she had left some stuff at her sisters, who sent her two sons to our house with the stuff. I have not seen them in over a year. When they came to the door it was clear they wanted to see me, I could hear them from a back room. So my Wife asked if they wanted to see me and they burst into the house.

We talked for awhile, got caught up on things and the older of the two told me how he has missed me and when they were about to leave he gave me a big hug and whispered in my ear that I should call him to talk.

I was touched. This was very unexected and seemed to open a bit of the door with that next phase. Dealing with her family.

Sorry if I rambled. Still processing all of this.

Thanks again for the interest and all the best to you!

Thoughts and prayers to all!
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post #98 of 142 (permalink) Old 11-23-2012, 10:03 AM
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Re: She is moving back home....

Good to hear you're in a good place.


Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
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post #99 of 142 (permalink) Old 11-23-2012, 10:10 AM
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Re: She is moving back home....

Thanks for the update TIM. Very happy to hear how well things are going for you
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post #100 of 142 (permalink) Old 11-23-2012, 10:12 AM Thread Starter
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Re: She is moving back home....

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Good to hear you're in a good place.
Thanks TG! You were with me here on TAM that first night she walked. I will always be grateful to you for "being there".


Best wishes to you.

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post #101 of 142 (permalink) Old 11-23-2012, 10:14 AM
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Re: She is moving back home....

I remember your story well and you've come a long way! I hope you guys keep healing and getting back on the path.


Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
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post #102 of 142 (permalink) Old 11-23-2012, 01:43 PM
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Re: She is moving back home....

Hey TIM, first off it sounds like things are going ok still. I can't tell you how happy I am to see another happier going story.

May I ask a few ?'s? Since working on things, how "slow" are they going? I mean... like well, From the time yall decided to work on it, to where you are now. How slow did it go? Timeline?

I'm getting nervous about mine tbh. I still love my wife and for the first time ever, SHE brought up reconciling the other day and I got cold with her the next visit. I'm to the point that I'm almost numb again and I just don't know what to think / do.

So I was wondering, "What if?" She mentioned going "VERY Slow" to me. We've got 11 dam years! Sure, we both divorced our old selves, but WHAT IF I go with R if she comes with it? If I chose to, according to your situation, how slow would be average?

Understand what I'm trying to ask? I'm almost to the point to say to he11 with her, but IF I DON'T... I wouldn't mind some insight.

I've been seeing EVERYTHING in hindsight, I don't know if it's because I still can't focus on the "here nad now" while she's here, talking. Or if it's because I'm subconsciously ignoring her / situation.

"It's not about how hard you can hit. It's about how hard you can GET HIT and keep moving forward"
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post #103 of 142 (permalink) Old 11-23-2012, 03:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: She is moving back home....

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Originally Posted by Dewayne76 View Post
Hey TIM, first off it sounds like things are going ok still. I can't tell you how happy I am to see another happier going story.

May I ask a few ?'s? Since working on things, how "slow" are they going? I mean... like well, From the time yall decided to work on it, to where you are now. How slow did it go? Timeline?

I'm getting nervous about mine tbh. I still love my wife and for the first time ever, SHE brought up reconciling the other day and I got cold with her the next visit. I'm to the point that I'm almost numb again and I just don't know what to think / do.

So I was wondering, "What if?" She mentioned going "VERY Slow" to me. We've got 11 dam years! Sure, we both divorced our old selves, but WHAT IF I go with R if she comes with it? If I chose to, according to your situation, how slow would be average?

Understand what I'm trying to ask? I'm almost to the point to say to he11 with her, but IF I DON'T... I wouldn't mind some insight.

I've been seeing EVERYTHING in hindsight, I don't know if it's because I still can't focus on the "here nad now" while she's here, talking. Or if it's because I'm subconsciously ignoring her / situation.
I am sure each one of our situations runs its own course and timeline. For me it was four months of seperation, which for me was the maximum I was willing to do in limboland.

I said she moves home or we move on. With a few bumps through the process, and there are always bumps on the ride, she came back for a few weekends, then annouced to me in MC that she was coming home.

Some things fell right into place, like rides to the train station, lunch making, etc. Intimacy took a couple of months. She was not ready to share that for a couple of months. It was addressed in MC and the C helped with a few ideas. I told her this would only work if we were truly behaving like a married couple. Things are very good now.

I see the next hurdle is family and friends. Her family is a road block, but it says nore about them than me. Since they all know, you can not help but sense the eyes on us and talk behind our backs, but time should heal all of this if we stay strong as a couple.

I understand the frustration, but I would ask yourself what do you want? If you can see the relationship as mostly good, then fight for it. Sometimes fighting means letting them have space and time. But if deep down you sense this is not salvageable, then make plans for yourself.

Best wishes to you.
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post #104 of 142 (permalink) Old 11-23-2012, 05:36 PM
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Re: She is moving back home....

Thanks for the best wishes bub. I am frustrated because I don't know how we could be reduced to such little contact and love after 11 years and a fine marriage. Not perfect... great mostly. SO yea to answer your question, it has a tons more great moments than bad. WE hardly EVER fought. I don't get it... yes I do. REwriting history. I have to remind myself.

Way more good than bad. Too many times has she told me how happy she was, so I know that it was good on both parts. She's just fogged up still. Yes, I want to fight for it. But I have let go-with love as my counselor and a book said to do. IT's just one of the hardest things I've had to do. So yes, I feel it is VERY salvagable and I do want it.

I was asking because if she was serious and we do make go of it, I wanted to know about how I could expect it to go. So I got a baseline of 4+ months? I'm on 1 month of total separation about now. She's always been the type to go full throttle when she makes a decision. So I bet R would be the same, but I'm curious as to how it may go. EVEN IF I go that route. A girl I like that's proven she won't cheat on her boyfriend, is about to be single. I really like her, hence why I'm worried. If it was just some chick I wouldn't be worried about it.

Keep us updated and to you, best wishes.

"It's not about how hard you can hit. It's about how hard you can GET HIT and keep moving forward"
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post #105 of 142 (permalink) Old 11-24-2012, 04:01 AM
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Re: She is moving back home....

Thanks for the update TIM.
Really happy that things are going well for you, itt have must have been a real boost to you yesterday seeing your nephews.

We have both come a very long way sincethis time last year, im finaly begining to breath and relax and feel confident that our marriage is well on the way to being fixed, more than fixed really, a new marriage that has more understanding and respect than before.

I hope things continue to improve for you.
Best wishes
DG
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