Hey TIM, first off it sounds like things are going ok still. I can't tell you how happy I am to see another happier going story.
May I ask a few ?'s? Since working on things, how "slow" are they going? I mean... like well, From the time yall decided to work on it, to where you are now. How slow did it go? Timeline?
I'm getting nervous about mine tbh. I still love my wife and for the first time ever, SHE brought up reconciling the other day and I got cold with her the next visit. I'm to the point that I'm almost numb again and I just don't know what to think / do.
So I was wondering, "What if?" She mentioned going "VERY Slow" to me. We've got 11 dam years! Sure, we both divorced our old selves, but WHAT IF I go with R if she comes with it? If I chose to, according to your situation, how slow would be average?
Understand what I'm trying to ask? I'm almost to the point to say to he11 with her, but IF I DON'T... I wouldn't mind some insight.
I've been seeing EVERYTHING in hindsight, I don't know if it's because I still can't focus on the "here nad now" while she's here, talking. Or if it's because I'm subconsciously ignoring her / situation.
I am sure each one of our situations runs its own course and timeline. For me it was four months of seperation, which for me was the maximum I was willing to do in limboland.
I said she moves home or we move on. With a few bumps through the process, and there are always bumps on the ride, she came back for a few weekends, then annouced to me in MC that she was coming home.
Some things fell right into place, like rides to the train station, lunch making, etc. Intimacy took a couple of months. She was not ready to share that for a couple of months. It was addressed in MC and the C helped with a few ideas. I told her this would only work if we were truly behaving like a married couple. Things are very good now.
I see the next hurdle is family and friends. Her family is a road block, but it says nore about them than me. Since they all know, you can not help but sense the eyes on us and talk behind our backs, but time should heal all of this if we stay strong as a couple.
I understand the frustration, but I would ask yourself what do you want? If you can see the relationship as mostly good, then fight for it. Sometimes fighting means letting them have space and time. But if deep down you sense this is not salvageable, then make plans for yourself.
Best wishes to you.