She is moving back home.... - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
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post #121 of 142 (permalink) Old 03-22-2014, 10:43 PM
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Re: She is moving back home....

TIM, thank you for your story. It's inspirational and gives me some hope....even though our house gets sold in 3 weeks.

I hope that one day my wife and I can reconcile ... Well that's my hope as I love her dearly.

Good luck Mate, and once again thank you

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post #122 of 142 (permalink) Old 03-28-2014, 01:10 PM
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Re: She is moving back home....

TIM,
Congrats on your success.

If you were to compare yourself today, to the way you were prior to all this strife, what is different about you?

It seems like things are better than before the MLC. Typically that happens when the interaction dynamic changes. It would help folks to know what's different.


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Thanks ne9907! I wish you all the best. I don't know your story, but I am a hopeless optimist and believer that if one person really wants to save a marriage, and is willing to be the good example, the odds go way up for the potential to save it.

My Wife was gone, was certain she was done three times. Hardest time of my life. Terribly sad. But in the final hour she knew how I felt and all the efforts I made, and she slowly came back and it was worth the wait.

Don't throw in the towel if there is an ounce of hope, no matter what they tell you.

All the best to you!
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post #123 of 142 (permalink) Old 03-30-2014, 09:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: She is moving back home....

I think it must be about 6 months since I last visited this website. By chance thought I would log in tonight and find this post has some recent new life. Thanks for the comments and I am very glad to hear that some viewers find my/our story inspirational.

BTW: Marriage is the best it has ever been! First 16 years were very good, 17th year the MLC hit and was the worst time of my life (and hers), by the 19th we were back with a slow build up of trust and love. Now in our 20th year it is exceptional!

I found this website to be very helpful and gave me a place to vent my frustrations and issues during the toughest days, but in hindsight there are many truths that rarely get discussed here at this site that I believe could save marriages. I think many really come here to experience wrecks not the good stuff which is staying married. Even in this section that is really set up for the good stuff.

Be careful of the advice you get from others. We are all wounded here and our approaches need to be customized to our own situation. I had some people strongly telling me to walk, divorce, etc. They were very wrong!

Mid Life Crisis is a depression that I have seen hit many people and cause them to trash their marriages in the hopes for greener pastures. MLC's usually pass but can take many months and more likely years. But it is worth the wait if the marriage was mostly good before. After two years at this site, I believe MLC's happen much more often than people realize and misdiagnosed by many does not allow giving the mental illness the right chance to save marriages.

There are good MC and bad ones. Keep looking if there are bad signs. Our first should not be one in my eyes. He was taking sides, had his own issues and told me it was over. He was wrong! The second one was a very good fit for us both.

I feel fortunate to have kept my head through this all and proud my marriage is better than ever and hope those who really want to save theirs find the way with patience!
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post #124 of 142 (permalink) Old 03-30-2014, 10:30 PM
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Re: She is moving back home....

At what age do you think women go through a MLC? my wife turned 40 in December is she too young to be going through this??
Thanks TIM
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post #125 of 142 (permalink) Old 03-31-2014, 01:23 AM
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Re: She is moving back home....

TIM,
It's disappointing that your consistent refrain is anger at the subset of folks here who you believe 'gave you bad advice'. You got a lot of good advice which frankly you seem very ungrateful for.

You also seem unable to grasp something very basic. As the hotter partner you unintentionally smothered your wife over a long period of time.

The advice you got was to stop chasing, begging and smothering. As you discovered, each time you dropped the emotional temperature, she suddenly lost all desire to leave you.

I had hoped you might contribute some lessons learned. Things you learned about being a better partner to the unique person you married. Instead you mainly come back to say: everything's fantastic, thank God I didn't listen to you idiots. Most truly happy people don't come across as angry as you do.


QUOTE=This is me;7939474]I think it must be about 6 months since I last visited this website. By chance thought I would log in tonight and find this post has some recent new life. Thanks for the comments and I am very glad to hear that some viewers find my/our story inspirational.

BTW: Marriage is the best it has ever been! First 16 years were very good, 17th year the MLC hit and was the worst time of my life (and hers), by the 19th we were back with a slow build up of trust and love. Now in our 20th year it is exceptional!

I found this website to be very helpful and gave me a place to vent my frustrations and issues during the toughest days, but in hindsight there are many truths that rarely get discussed here at this site that I believe could save marriages. I think many really come here to experience wrecks not the good stuff which is staying married. Even in this section that is really set up for the good stuff.

Be careful of the advice you get from others. We are all wounded here and our approaches need to be customized to our own situation. I had some people strongly telling me to walk, divorce, etc. They were very wrong!

Mid Life Crisis is a depression that I have seen hit many people and cause them to trash their marriages in the hopes for greener pastures. MLC's usually pass but can take many months and more likely years. But it is worth the wait if the marriage was mostly good before. After two years at this site, I believe MLC's happen much more often than people realize and misdiagnosed by many does not allow giving the mental illness the right chance to save marriages.

There are good MC and bad ones. Keep looking if there are bad signs. Our first should not be one in my eyes. He was taking sides, had his own issues and told me it was over. He was wrong! The second one was a very good fit for us both.

I feel fortunate to have kept my head through this all and proud my marriage is better than ever and hope those who really want to save theirs find the way with patience![/QUOTE]
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post #126 of 142 (permalink) Old 04-07-2014, 09:01 AM
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Re: She is moving back home....

TIM, congrats on your success in saving your marriage.
I'm in the process of doing the same. We are entering month 4 of reconciliation. It's hard but at times I know I need to stay the course. Hope mine works out too....
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post #127 of 142 (permalink) Old 04-07-2014, 11:05 PM
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Re: She is moving back home....

We'll done Ford
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post #128 of 142 (permalink) Old 04-08-2014, 06:51 PM Thread Starter
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Re: She is moving back home....

Quote:
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At what age do you think women go through a MLC? my wife turned 40 in December is she too young to be going through this??
Thanks TIM
From what I had read MLC can hit at almost any age, but the 40's seem to have the most episodes.
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post #129 of 142 (permalink) Old 04-08-2014, 06:55 PM Thread Starter
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Re: She is moving back home....

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TIM, congrats on your success in saving your marriage.
I'm in the process of doing the same. We are entering month 4 of reconciliation. It's hard but at times I know I need to stay the course. Hope mine works out too....
Hang in there Ford! All the best to you both!!
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post #130 of 142 (permalink) Old 04-08-2014, 07:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: She is moving back home....

Those who come here looking for hope please understand that my thoughts and shared experience are directed at you. There are many vulnerable visitors experiencing their worst days at this website and my hope is that they will think twice about the advice they receive.

There are some very good advisers, but just as many who advise from their own unhealthy experiences.

If someone insists they are an expert and all knowing, there is a very good chance are they are not. I know I am not an expert, just someone who was able to work through a very difficult experience with a positive result. That is what this section of the website is supposed to be used for, not the negative junk.

Best wishes to all who are here for a positive result!

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post #131 of 142 (permalink) Old 04-10-2014, 08:52 PM
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Re: She is moving back home....

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Hang in there Ford! All the best to you both!!
Thanks...I am hanging in there. It's tough some days and I hope it pays off. We've come along way since Oct 2013. I offered her a fair and un-contested divorce on Nov.12/13. So it's progress.
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post #132 of 142 (permalink) Old 06-20-2014, 10:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: She is moving back home....

Still going strong and marriage has never been better. We weathered the storm and wishing all that want to really make it work, all the best!

Discern the advice you get from the wounded here and don't believe those who say it is over, because they say it is so. In many cases it only takes one to make it work again!
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post #133 of 142 (permalink) Old 06-20-2014, 10:58 PM
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Re: She is moving back home....

I am happy to hear of your progress and renewed marriage


Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
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post #134 of 142 (permalink) Old 07-26-2014, 05:41 PM
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Re: She is moving back home....

Glad to hear you are both happy, i'm into my 16th month of reconciliation and still have some very dark depressing moments and anger but sure it will get better
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post #135 of 142 (permalink) Old 08-13-2014, 07:11 PM Thread Starter
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Re: She is moving back home....

Well tomorrow is our 20th Anniversary. We made it after all of this. When I reflect on all of the years I am so proud of us both surviving the storm. Our love has never been stronger.

When I think of how distant she became when she walked away and the stranger who took her over, it is so clear now that it was a midlife crisis. Men usually get that label, but it happens to both sexes and I suspect it is the real reason many marriages fail when those aging years are staring back at us.

I can never say it enough that for those who see their partner, especially in their 40's become a new distant person, they are likely struggling with MLC. Patience is the key with boundaries of course.

I will always be grateful for the support many gave me here at this website and I will also express a warning that some are giving bad advice out of their own pained reasons for being here.

Wishing all who read this the best in their marital life. Peace and Love!
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