ReconciliationThis forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.
This!!! Shame my ex husband doesn't have a friend like you. He can't see the link between remaining angry and listening to his "move on" friends, as keeping him trapped, in being the one with a broken family.
Unfortunately, it's also probably true that my wife hears from her friends/family to leave me.
I learned about this from Divorce Remedy. It's natural for those close to us to want to eliminate our pain and offer advice for us to get happy again. It's also natural for them to want to avoid feeling bad themselves, so the immediate reaction, is to say, "move on." "You will be happier elsewhere." Etc., etc.
jayb, I have hope for you! I'm so glad that she is up for MC. I almost made an appt for mediation for next month, but I think that was more reactive than thoughtful. I'm trying to do the whole rip it off like a band aid thing, but I figured in the past couple of days that if he wants this, then he can be the one to make the arrangements for it. Someone on here told me it takes two to get married, it'll take two to get a divorce and don't hand it to him on a silver platter.
jayb, I have hope for you! I'm so glad that she is up for MC. I almost made an appt for mediation for next month, but I think that was more reactive than thoughtful. I'm trying to do the whole rip it off like a band aid thing, but I figured in the past couple of days that if he wants this, then he can be the one to make the arrangements for it. Someone on here told me it takes two to get married, it'll take two to get a divorce and don't hand it to him on a silver platter.
For you guys, nothing is final, legally, right?
Correct. We are in a holding period for 90 days where we attend counseling, etc., to see if our M can be saved. However, the original filing date and paperwork is kept intact during this time. It'll just be a decision to withdraw the D or proceed to mediation.
Thanks! We had a good time this past weekend both with the children and together alone.
If you had told me 4 months ago, that I would be watching a movie with my wife at night after the children were asleep, I would have told you you're crazy. But it happened.
Right now, I am focusing on me. And if I am given another chance, it WILL be a different M.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm in the same boat, so I know how it feels. Only my STBXH won't directly say that he wants to end our marriage. He only says things like "I don't see us having a loving relationship". Dare he just directly say "I want a divorce".
It hurts really badly, I know. Knowing what that's like, I hurt for you.
Mine is like that too he had a hard time even saying Divorce to me 2 wks ago. Most of the time I think HE WILL HAVE TO FILE!
I think of how many promises he is breaking...
I miss him so much but am needing to have a break from him (missing him)...
Went to MC with wife today who told me directly several times that she has no hope for us and wants to end the marriage.
It stings, although, less than it did 9 months ago.
I am devastated/mad/sad/distraught.
She committed to 3 months of therapy to see if there would be any possibility. However, she ended that today.
Our next therapy sessions will be based around how to end this and proceed to the next stage in our lives.
Still reading divorce remedy. I understand that although she stated those things, there still may be doubts.
However, I have to wrap my head around her not wanting to be married to me anymore.
And, there is no other man.
Ugh.
I'm Sorry she didn't keep her commitment to the therapy. My husband would never do therapy. Keep going to therapy for yourself. I'm not sure what causes a person to just give up. I'm sorry this happened to you. There's still always hope she will change her mind. Posted via Mobile Device
I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm in the same boat, so I know how it feels. Only my STBXH won't directly say that he wants to end our marriage. He only says things like "I don't see us having a loving relationship". Dare he just directly say "I want a divorce".
It hurts really badly, I know. Knowing what that's like, I hurt for you.
Yeah, my wife is going to have to learn how to be direct and to repeat herself.
I am on the path to improve me.
And, talk about doubts. This morning she texted me and suggested a family vacation together.
So, there still may be hope, just not in a specific time period.
I'm Sorry she didn't keep her commitment to the therapy. My husband would never do therapy. Keep going to therapy for yourself. I'm not sure what causes a person to just give up. I'm sorry this happened to you. There's still always hope she will change her mind. Posted via Mobile Device
She does want to attend C with me in going through this transition period of ending the marriage.
I pray that she does change her mind. My ultimate prayer is that our marriage be restored.
But at this point, I am accepting what is, and not hanging onto false hopes. It is too rough emotionally to do so.
So, it's like detaching from marriage, while strengthening our friendship.
Yeah, my wife is going to have to learn how to be direct and to repeat herself.
I am on the path to improve me.
And, talk about doubts. This morning she texted me and suggested a family vacation together.
So, there still may be hope, just not in a specific time period.
Wow....she must share brains with my husband. That is confusing. My husbands done that back and forth stuff for 14 months now. I would take the family vacation as a good sign. Maybe it will spark reconciliation. Posted via Mobile Device
Wow....she must share brains with my husband. That is confusing. My husbands done that back and forth stuff for 14 months now. I would take the family vacation as a good sign. Maybe it will spark reconciliation. Posted via Mobile Device
Anything is possible. I'm about to meet with my MC alone today (based on what I heard from my W yesterday). I can only assume I will hear the "time to accept this reality, it'll be better for everyone, etc." The thing is, only my wife and I know all of the information in between C sessions. So, I'll be open to some advice, but not other.
I do need to continue the progress in changing for myself. Already lost 20 pounds via regular exercise, back to attending church, looking for volunteering opportunities, reading, cultivating new and old friendships, asking for forgiveness, etc.
She does want to attend C with me in going through this transition period of ending the marriage.
I pray that she does change her mind. My ultimate prayer is that our marriage be restored.
But at this point, I am accepting what is, and not hanging onto false hopes. It is too rough emotionally to do so.
So, it's like detaching from marriage, while strengthening our friendship.
I would suggest that you not do that. Detach from her across the board, working only on things dealing with your children. she has chosen to no longer be your wife. I strongly suspect she is still in contact with either the original other man or a second one.
She wants to eat her cake and yet still have it right now - her exploring other relationships, you there as a backup to provide emotional support, the illusion that the family is still intact so she is not hurting the kids and her getting to not be the bad person by going through MC.
Continue to work on yourself, and let her go. I am sorry you are going through this and wish you the best.
I would suggest that you not do that. Detach from her across the board, working only on things dealing with your children. she has chosen to no longer be your wife. I strongly suspect she is still in contact with either the original other man or a second one.
She wants to eat her cake and yet still have it right now - her exploring other relationships, you there as a backup to provide emotional support, the illusion that the family is still intact so she is not hurting the kids and her getting to not be the bad person by going through MC.
Continue to work on yourself, and let her go. I am sorry you are going through this and wish you the best.
Thanks. I am and will continue to do so.
There is no other guy. This has been verified several different times in several different ways.
Yeah, my wife is going to have to learn how to be direct and to repeat herself.
I am on the path to improve me.
And, talk about doubts. This morning she texted me and suggested a family vacation together.
So, there still may be hope, just not in a specific time period.
Our stories are so stinking similar! Well, except that darn OM thing I have to deal w/ that you don't
Really though, my stbxw and I took a day trip this week w/ the kids and pretended to be a happy family. Then, she asked me again to go on family vacation this summer. i really hope it is hope for R but I really don't think it is. I think these folks are right, it is her absolving herself of guilt. That, and she would much prefer I do all the driving to the beach! How can these women think this is OK!??!!?! Honestly, Jayb, we will never get over them if we keep going down these roads.
Our stories are so stinking similar! Well, except that darn OM thing I have to deal w/ that you don't
Really though, my stbxw and I took a day trip this week w/ the kids and pretended to be a happy family. Then, she asked me again to go on family vacation this summer. i really hope it is hope for R but I really don't think it is. I think these folks are right, it is her absolving herself of guilt. That, and she would much prefer I do all the driving to the beach! How can these women think this is OK!??!!?! Honestly, Jayb, we will never get over them if we keep going down these roads.
Well, I'm beginning to question if I really want to get back, because she isn't the person I married and loved years ago. So, why am I improving me, learning, loving.....to get with someone who has changed, and, is so different than I? And, as I am making these changes for me/us, she doesn't do anything??? I'm starting to understand the mutuality that needs to be involved with R.
I love spending time with my family. Even her, because I'm not so obsessed with analyzing every move or word. Rather, I'm laid back. And, she thinks it's ok, because she is so detached and assumes that since I know (have been told) she has no hope for our M, then, we might as well be friends.
I was told to use my anger in a purposeful way. To detach.
Now understand, I'm thinking about all this at the same time I think about us R. Even after any kind of R, we have issues to work on. So, it's hard, hard work that can't be done by only 1 person and must be a mutual decision for the right reasons.
1 minute at a time. I've been praying like never before.
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Re: Chances of Reconciliation 
