My Husband is home!

angelpixie · 04-09-2012, 07:09 PM

Daisygirl, I am so happy for you!!! That H gave you something special to celebrate today is so wonderful. I really wish you both the best.

Mamatomany · 04-09-2012, 09:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daisygirl 41

Hi everyone
It's 19 years today since I met my H on a blind date. 6 months later we were married after only seeing each other 7 or 8 times. He was serving in the army in Germany when we met and I moved out there to live with him when we were married. We have been through a hell of a lot in our 19 years but as you all know, nothing has come close to the challenge we have faced this past year.
It's a year ago since his EA started. But instead if feeling sad and low I feel good.
My H bought me a lovely ring and gave it to me this morning. As we lay in each others arms this morning in bed we talked about the past year and our future. I am feeling so optimistic about our future now. We have talked about the events that led to his A and we are both committed to ensuring nothing like this happens again. We talked about what we need from each other and how we are going to make our relationship our priority now.

I would not wish what I've been through this past year on my worse enemy but I am hoping and optimistic that it will bring us closer together and help us realise what is important in this life.
I forgive my H for what he has done,, I know he is truly sorry and never meant to hurt me. There have been things that I have done to hurt him in the past also. I'm sure it's time to start putting it behind us now and look to a happier future.

Keeping you all in my prayers
DG
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So happy for you! Only in my dreams ...which are even hard to get there too. I know I have given up on them too.
You are lucky!

lenzi · 04-09-2012, 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daisygirl 41

If there's anything anyone wants to ask then please do.
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I read many of the back posts, including your first post. He was texting her 40x a day for months, he wanted out of the marriage, didn't want to work on things, moved out, got his own place.. the OW is going CRAZY. Why are you so convinced it was just an EA? Seems obvious it was much more than that and also only 2 months ago he had no intentions of coming back, why do you think this time he really means it?

Sounds like you are setting yourself up to be blindsided here.

daisygirl 41 · 04-10-2012, 03:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lenzi

I read many of the back posts, including your first post. He was texting her 40x a day for months, he wanted out of the marriage, didn't want to work on things, moved out, got his own place.. the OW is going CRAZY. Why are you so convinced it was just an EA? Seems obvious it was much more than that and also only 2 months ago he had no intentions of coming back, why do you think this time he really means it?

Sounds like you are setting yourself up to be blindsided here.

Lenzi: you were right about most things. The initial EA lasted about 3 months. My H and I then attempted to R. That was last July. We had 6 weeks off together from work. Things were ok but it wasn't a true R as he never really finished it properly and we never reconnected properly. The txtin stopped but she became his 'work wife'.
If you have read my posts you will see that while my H and I were seperated we still remained very close. We still spent a lot of time together.
The A did turn physical in March when the OWH went public with it and he moved out. Combined with OWH moving out, the OW becoming needy and demanding and me doing a 180 on him the PA lasted about 3 weeks.

It's very difficult to explain in a post how I know for sure I am not being blindsided. But I know this time it's different. My H shut down from me completely for a year. Not only was he in the A fog but he had the classic signs of MLC. He was stressed, depressed and questioning everything about his life. He ended the A because he realised that it wasn't what he wanted. He doesn't want her. But it took the A bring exposed and her H moving out for him to realise that. He ended it not knowing if I would have him back and because it was in his words 'destroying the ones he loved'.

He has been home now for about 3 weeks. He is a different man. We talk about EVERYTHING. Anything I want to know he tells me. We have really reconnected this time. Things are different. We are talking talking talking. He is humble and is embarrassed by his actions. He is doing all the heavy lifting. My H is not a cereal cheater. We have discussed why the A happened and we have both owned our part in it. We are both committed to making our marriage better and stronger than what it was before.
H also knows that I have been forgiving but there are no second chances. I will never allow myself to go through that pain again.

Anyway, time will tell. So that's why I am keeping on posting and not just disappearing. I'm staying vigilant but I can't control what he does at the end of the day do if he chooses to resume the A then that's up to him and he can go. But I am as sure as I can be that it's done and my H really is home.
DG
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This is me · 04-10-2012, 04:58 PM

DG41, I am very happy for you. Great news.

My Wife has shown some very positive signs in the past two days with out of the way hugs and even sat next to me on the couch last night. There are three sofas in the TV room, so mostly we have sat apart.

Since she took off her wedding band back in November, I did the same and hoping to see her put it back on someday again. I might be willing to buy her a new one if it feels right.

Our first date was 19 years ago next month, almost exactly a month after yours.

All the best to you. Keep on posting.

angelpixie · 04-10-2012, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mamatomany

So happy for you! Only in my dreams ...which are even hard to get there too. I know I have given up on them too.
You are lucky!

I know how you feel, Mama. But get yourself out there for some fun 'wkd' weekends, and try to get him out of your dreams and someone else into them. Maybe the someone else will also end up in more than your dreams, wink wink, nudge nudge.

daisygirl 41 · 04-17-2012, 05:11 AM

Hi everyone
Quick update. Things are going good. We have just had 2 weeks off for the Easter break and it all went well. Spent done good quality time together with the kids and as a couple.
H is doing as he promised and bring open and responsive to all my questions and we have had some very heartfelt and honest conversations about our marriage and our expectations.

H went back to work yesterday. OW is back in work too. I felt ok. Obviously a little anxious but H has really stepped up to the mark. Was very supportive Sunday night and Monday morning ( without me asking) and gave me a lot of affection and reassurance. He's txting me throughout the day from work and rings me as soon as he gets home (I've already left for work by this time).
So at the moment he is doing everything he can and the signs are all good. However.....
I am feeling a it tearful today. Now that he's back in work just had some time to think about everything we have ern through in the last year and how hurt I've been. Wondering if it was all worth the agony! I'm hoping my marriage will be stronger and better in the coming years and I'm pretty confident but I'm finding it a bit difficult to let go of the hurt at the moment. I can't give myself to him 100%. I know that's natural after what I have been through but I am wondering if I will ever be able to do that again?! Im so afraid of being hurt again, and I've told my H this and he does understand. I want to give myself to him emotionally 100% but I'm wondering if I will ever be able to and this makes me sad. Im sad that I have to protect my heart from the one person who I entrusted it to.
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angelpixie · 04-17-2012, 08:14 AM

You are very brave, daisy! Thanks for letting us know how it's going. I really hope H keeps understanding and stays committed. It's going to take time for both of you. ((hugs))

NaturalHeart · 04-17-2012, 08:43 AM

Nothing wrong with what you're feeling. He still has to earn it. and that is what your heart feels. You're doing great.

sadwithouthim · 04-17-2012, 09:00 AM

You take the time you need to heal Daisy. I will pray your husband stays focused on you and the hurt and fear subside for you.
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Catherine602 · 04-17-2012, 12:25 PM

Daisy I echo previous posters - it will take time. The conventional wisdom is that it can take 2 to as much as 5 years.

Perhaps you and your husband should read the literature on healing after infidelity. It would help to know that what you are feeling is normal.

It is a process that may not be liner. You take a couple of steps forward and one back.

Best of luck to you and your family.

daisygirl 41 · 04-17-2012, 03:01 PM

Thanks all. Just had a bit of a bad today but I'm ok now.
Our work patterns mean that we don't see each other from Monday morning until Wednesday tea time so I'm just missing him and need some reassurance. We txt a lot though and I'll give him a call later.
Catherine: I'm reading a few books and discuss anything I think is relevant to him. I'm also reading other bits and pieces too that I think will be helpful. He's happy to discuss anything with me now and I have pointed a few paragraphs out to him. The books are in our bedroom so are available for him to read if he wants to.

When he broke off the A and came to me I was convinced he had been doing some reading as everything he was saying and douing were almost text book for a successful start to our recovery. I don't think hr had been reading or researching so it meant so much to me knowing that what he was saying and doing was from his heart and not from a book!

Anyway I'll see him tomorrow and we are going to clear the rest of his stuff from his place so he can hand the keys back on Friday.
I think I'll arrange a sitter for Friday so we can go out and celebrate.

Thanks again everyone for your continued support
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daisygirl 41 · 04-17-2012, 03:33 PM

It's a year on May 15 th that I got the ilybnilwy speech from H. My D was away on pack holiday with her girl guide group. 2 weeks ago I got the letter home for this years pack holiday the same weekend and it really upset me. It was a huge trigger. I told H about it (he didn't know the date!!) but he was very supportive.

He just sent me a txt to say he's booked us a weekend away that weekend so we can have some time together. In 19 years together i can count on one hand how many times he has done this. I feel all warm inside. He really is trying!
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This is me · 04-18-2012, 08:41 PM

Hang in there Daisy I am rooting for you. I completely understand about wanting to give 100%, but the trust is not what it once was. My now returned wife will not open up to me 100 % either which is sad. I hope it is just a matter of time, because I want her back.

all the best to you!

daisygirl 41 · 04-23-2012, 05:24 AM

We cleared out the last of my Hs things from his place yesterday and he hands the keys back today

Things are going well.

We went on a lovely "date" Saturday evening. Wrapped up warm and went for a walk along the beach and a bite to eat.

We had a talk while walking and both shed a few tears. H expressed how sorry he was for the hurt he had caused me and looked visibly upset and remorseful.

Got back home and had an early night!!!