04-18-2012, 08:14 PM
Join Date: Apr 2012
| | I am willing to pay any price....
Okay, this may take a minute to get out, but the first thing you should know is that I am the main offender in my marriage. I have tried to divorce my husband of seven years twice, and cheated on him twice. I am in no way trying to play virgin mary and push all of the blame onto someone else. I have caused the one person I love most in this world, the most pain. (Kind of cliche but I feel like a lot of people do this)
My husband has ushered me into college, taken up arms for me against my own family and has literally saved my life twice. Every time I have hurt him, he has always been willing to give us another shot at happiness.
He has his downside, he has become violently angry over the past 7 years, a lot of it can be rightfully attributed as a response to my actions. A lot of times our apocalyptic fights end up in broken items in the house, holes in the wall, smashed mirrors etc, some of it I have done myself.
To complicate matters further, I have something called histrionic personality disorder; this explains a lot of my behavior but most certainly does not justify it.
Over the past year since our last falling out, he has been pressuring me for evidence of change. Which has been difficult for me, because in all honesty I have nothing to show even though I feel as if I have changed. He keeps talking about divorce and how I hold no value as a romantic partner anymore to him (usually after a fight), but as soon as the fight is over, he often tells me he's sorry for saying those hurtful things. For 7 years he has fought for me, now its my turn to fight. I desperately want to stay with him, he is by far worth fighting for and I'm willing to do anything to stay with him.
I have so much work to do, I have no idea where to start. I want to show him how much I care and how much I want to be with him. But he's demanding results immediately. What can I do right now to make all of this seem worth it.