ReconciliationThis forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.
My last post in the, "Considering Separation/Divorce" forum materialized a while ago because my H was staying out wayyyy past times respectable for a married man with a young child at home.
I never suspected cheating (nor did he ever give me reason to) and he was a great provider. HOWEVER, I was not willing to keep quiet about his "hang out all night with all of my single buddies who don't have a life or any real responsibilites" attitude / behavior he was beginning to display. It didn't happen regularly but it needed to stop before it turned into a bigger problem.
In no way was I trying to control him. However, I do believe that too much freedom can open doors to uneccessary problems. It was disrespectful to me and the household. In addition to that, there's nothing a married man needs outside of his home after 4a.m!
After trying several times to talk about it to no avail. And after arguing several times about it to no avail, I was ready to move out of our home with our daughter who is now 18 months. I chose to move out because I wasn't willing to go through the motions of trying to make him leave. I knew what I felt and I knew I was sticking to it... I feel like when it comes to relationships, either you're going to accept a behavior from a person or you're not. If you're going to accept it, don't complain, don't fuss, just sit back and take it. BUT if you're not going to take it, do something about it!!! I felt that there could've been a middle ground. However, he was not trying to create one.
Fast forward to now...
A lot happened and eventually I did leave.
We've been separated for nearly 1 month and a half.
While separated, I have not attempted to talk to him about reconciling (or divorce for that matter). I left him alone in our home with his thoughts. I wanted him to figure out if he really wanted to be married. Or, if it means more to hangout all night with his buddies. We only speak about arrangements for our daughter.
During this time, I've refocused my attention. I've been working really hard in the gym, spending a lot of time with our daughter and my family. While I have been thinking about him and our situation a lot, I haven't allowed myself to fall into depression or obsess over it. I cried a lot initially, but I knew I needed to be stronger. I know in my heart that I want to be a good wife to him AND a fair one. BUT I want it in return.
Two days ago, I received a text "out of the blue." He wanted to meet for dinner (at my favorite restaurant). He disclosed that he definitely loves me and wants to work on our marriage. I whole heartedly agreed, but 1 day at a time is in order.
I do not intend to jump at the chance to move back home. I've been saving up and would like to continue doing so to ensure my own stability (just in case) before I move back. I would also like to try MC, start attending church regularly and get the lines of communication back on track...
I am. I love him so much, Iamaga. But when you know you're trying to be fair, yet someone only wants to do what they want to do.... You have to make the choice to back off. That's what I did. And if he's really ready to move forward, I'll give 110%.
My last post in the, "Considering Separation/Divorce" forum materialized a while ago because my H was staying out wayyyy past times respectable for a married man with a young child at home.
I never suspected cheating (nor did he ever give me reason to) and he was a great provider. HOWEVER, I was not willing to keep quiet about his "hang out all night with all of my single buddies who don't have a life or any real responsibilites" attitude / behavior he was beginning to display. It didn't happen regularly but it needed to stop before it turned into a bigger problem.
In no way was I trying to control him. However, I do believe that too much freedom can open doors to uneccessary problems. It was disrespectful to me and the household. In addition to that, there's nothing a married man needs outside of his home after 4a.m!
After trying several times to talk about it to no avail. And after arguing serveral times about it to no avail, I was ready to move out of our home with our daughter who is now 18 months. I chose to move out because I wasn't willing to go through the motions of trying to make him leave. I knew what I felt and I knew I was sticking to it... I feel like when it comes to relationships, either you're going to accept a behavior from a person or you're not. If you're going to accept it, don't complain, don't fuss, just sit back and take it. BUT if you're not going to take it, do something about it!!! I felt that there could've been a middle ground. However, he was not trying to create one.
Fast forward to now...
A lot happened and eventually I did leave.
We've been separated for nearly 1 month and a half.
While separated, I have not attempted to talk to him about reconciliation (or divorce for that matter). I left him alone in our home with his thoughts. I wanted him to figure out if he really wanted to be married. Or, if it means more to hangout all night with his buddies. The only time we spoke, was about arrangements for our daughter.
During this time, I've refocused my attention. I've been working really hard in the gym, spending a lot of time with our daughter and my family. While I have been thinking about him and our situation a lot, I haven't allowed myself to fall into depression or obsess over it. I cried a lot initially, but I knew I needed to be stronger. I know in my heart that I want to be a good wife to him AND a fair one. BUT I want it in return.
Two days ago, I received a text "out of the blue." He wanted to meet for dinner (at my favorite restaurant). He disclosed that he definitely loves me and wants to work on our marriage. I whole heartedly agree, but 1 day at a time is in order.
I do not intend to jump at the chance to move back home. I've been saving up and would like to continue doing so to ensure my own stability (just in case) before I move back. I would also like to try MC, start attending church regularly and get the lines of communication back on track...
I just hope it works.
Thanks for reading.
Wow....I wish i had half your strength and spunk. I will pray everything works out for you two.
Can I be honest??? I don't have the answers for everything. But I read alot of the posts on this forum... A lot of ppl know what they want and aren't getting it. Yet, they don't do anything about it.
Decide on what you want and go after it. If one person doesn't want to give it to you, deal with your broken heart, then find the person that will...
I love my H dearly, but I never made him my everything/universe.
WoW you are Sexy ! ! ! Luv a Strong Take Charge Kinda Woman , , , You go Girl
Big hug, Lost Soul. Thank you so much.
Update: Today was the first time we've spent time together as a family. We ate lunch in the park, just the 3 of us. We laughed and enjoyed each others company. We didn't talk about the past, nor did I feel the need to. We touched on it at dinner a few days ago. So, I'm ready to leave it where it is: IN THE PAST. So far so good. Off to a good start.
Update: The three of us enjoyed movie night at the house last night. I'm planning for the next meeting to be him and I alone. Just to see what the chemistry will be like. It hasn't been awkward. So, I'm hopeful. Posted via Mobile Device
Sounds like you have a well executed plan and I wish you all the very best with your reconciliation. I will continue to remain in prayer for you!
Thank you, Arbitrator! It's tough! I want to hug him, touch him and be his "wife." But I know I have to take it slow. I don't want to go through this again. I know couples disagree but I don't want to have to go to this extent again. Posted via Mobile Device
Update: The baby and I spent the night with my H for the first time this past wknd. It was really nice!!! We had movie night Saturday night and woke up and went to breakfast and the park on Sunday. All three of us slept in the bed together just like old times. It's been a slow start but we're moving... It's never awkward but we're moving really slowly. Sometimes it even gets frustrating! But I know we're doing it the right way. I'm really enjoying our "dates." So, I'm not in a rush to move back just yet.
Which brings me to ask this question... For those of you who have conquered the big R.... When did you feel you were ready, or, that it was the "right time" to move back home?
Update: The baby and I spent the night with my H for the first time this past wknd. It was really nice!!! We had movie night Saturday night and woke up and went to breakfast and the park on Sunday. All three of us slept in the bed together just like old times. It's been a slow start but we're moving... It's never awkward but we're moving really slowly. Sometimes it even gets frustrating! But I know we're doing it the right way. I'm really enjoying our "dates." So, I'm not in a rush to move back just yet.
Which brings me to ask this question... For those of you who have conquered the big R.... When did you feel you were ready, or, that it was the "right time" to move back home?
Family first. I'm glad he realized what he was losing. Single friends will sometimes get in the way but a strong person with a good head will always put family first. Sounds to me like you have a great guy that just needed focus. Wish both of you the best and always always communicate. Hug your daughter for me and love each other. Your doing it right, slowly. As far as when to move back in, well your heart will let you know. Just listen to it Posted via Mobile Device
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Out of the Blue... 
