Just got dealt another blow today. Maybe I'm just too sensitive like she tells me... but here it goes...
My wife is a big girl. Has been since we met, although when we met was the smallest she has ever been.
She's had 3 kids. She's 10 years older. But I still find her beautiful and sexy. I tell her that daily. She usually dismisses it.
She tells me from time to time that someone at her work or the store or whatever paid her a compliment, and she is obviously happy about that. When I tell her, she scowls.
I asked her about it this morning. She said it makes her feel uncomfortable when I give her compliments, and that I only do it because I have to.
All these years I've been telling her that I think she is beautiful and she doesn't like it, but she really likes it when she hears it from other people... male or female. Have I just been feeding this codependancy all this time?
The morning started off just fine, we were getting along pretty well... I made a comment that I was distracted because I have a beautiful woman on the phone, and she scoffed. That's when I asked her, that's when she told me she doesn't like it when I compliment her.
Am I being too sensitive or is this a problem?
Ugh, I'm in the same boat. Some of this I totally get, some of it I don't.
I GET that a compliment from me doesn't mean as much as a compliment from someone else, especially another guy. I don't have a problem with that at all. While I 100% mean every compliment I give my wife, she also knows that husbands are supposed to give compliments, and they can also be given with ulterior motives or without thought. Where as with someone else, they don't have any reason to compliment so it comes off as more genuine, or if they do have an ulterior motive (such as another guy who'd like to see if he has a chance with her) then that too is obviously flattering as well. After all, would an average woman like to receive 100 compliments from her husband or 1 compliment from her husband along with 99 compliments from 99 other guys throughout the day? I can't blame any woman for preferring the latter, and even as the husband I am not offended by that.
In a former post, you also described my wife's behavior to a T. Just doesn't want to be touched. Will accept hugs begrudgingly and without using her arms most of the time (the facial expression says, "Ugh, again? Can't you see I don't really want to hug you?") simple quick kisses on the lips but will try to turn her cheek to avoid it if she can, no cuddling (she'll even sleep on top of the sheet on our bed to avoid any possible skin-to-skin contact) and certainly no sex. Years ago she used to love my massages, shoulder and foot rubs but now she refuses them outright because she just doesn't want me touching her at all. It's better than it was six months ago, or even three years ago, but still incredibly frustrating.
Have you made any progress on that front? I've always told myself that as long as my relationship is getting better and not worse, I'll stick with it. So far, it's still on the upward track, but I just wish it were progressing faster.