Strange night last night...
I was at the in-laws last night, as usual. She was being very nice - playful, stealing my pizza and taking bites and putting it back - things that she hasn't done since well before the S.
We watched a movie with her parents and our kids. I put them to bed and then we watched a movie in her room - like it has been the past couple weeks.
Well - last night I could tell something was different.
I scratched her back, rubbed her feet (yeah I'm a sucker).
But there was some tension... we were both feeling the itch.
I started rubbing her belly a bit. I looked at her and told her I don't want to leave but it's probably best. She asked "Why leave?" I kissed her, she kissed me back. We started messing around a bit. We didn't have sex, but we were playing around.
While I did want to, I knew that it wasn't quite the right time. And as I thought, she recoiled a bit. She felt exposed and vulnerable and put the wall back up. She wasn't mean or hateful about it but I can tell she was pretty uncomfortable, and can tell that she let her feelings out of the bag before she was ready. She still isn't wearing her wedding ring, or telling me she loves me. She just asked me to go home before it escalated, and it probably would have. I guess I woke her parents up when I left because her mother text me and told me she was crying...
The strange thing is, I am starting to understand how she is thinking. Not that I think the same way or anything, but things are clicking in my head a bit...