Desperate - Page 70 - Talk About Marriage
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post #1036 of 1083 (permalink) Old 10-27-2016, 02:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Desperate

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So nothing in joint names?
My car is in both our names but I pay it. The cell phone bill has both of our phones on it. She pays her part and I pay mine. I am paying 4 everyone's insurance. And I am paying for half of the child care. She is going to be on her own insurance starting next year but I will still cover the kids. I looked at the child support calculator + that's basically what I'd be paying anyway as far as expenses.

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post #1037 of 1083 (permalink) Old 10-27-2016, 02:33 PM
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Re: Desperate

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My car is in both our names but I pay it. The cell phone bill has both of our phones on it. She pays her part and I pay mine. I am paying 4 everyone's insurance. And I am paying for half of the child care. She is going to be on her own insurance starting next year but I will still cover the kids. I looked at the child support calculator + that's basically what I'd be paying anyway as far as expenses.
I caution you Mark to make statements like this. From my recollection, you've never spoken to an attorney, so you really don't know what you would be paying.

You guys are still married even though you've been "separated" for a long time. "Separated" means nothing if no-one has filed for D.

I am not familiar with Ohio law, but insofar as the courts are concerned every debt you two generate up to the day one of you files for divorce is a joint liability. Keep that in mind and stop making assumptions!

Your W is the primary wage earner so I suggest you not pay your childcare this month and use it for an attorney instead.
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post #1038 of 1083 (permalink) Old 10-27-2016, 02:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Desperate

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I caution you Mark to make statements like this. From my recollection, you've never spoken to an attorney, so you really don't know what you would be paying.

You guys are still married even though you've been "separated" for a long time. "Separated" means nothing if no-one has filed for D.

I am not familiar with Ohio law, but insofar as the courts are concerned every debt you two generate up to the day one of you files for divorce is a joint liability. Keep that in mind and stop making assumptions!

Your W is the primary wage earner so I suggest you not pay your childcare this month and use it for an attorney instead.
I have talked to an attorney. Got a couple free consultations. Even had a chat with her attorney. Right now this is my dilemma in a nutshell. I am staying with family, and a house that's not suitable for visits from my children. My budget is stripped to the Bone and I still cannot afford an apartment. By this time next year, my car will be paid off and I will be in a much better position, but I really don't want to wait that long. What her attorney proposed to me was that everything stays the same except our marital status. I go visit the kids over there and pay for half the daycare. No more support. I think her attorney for the information and left it at that.

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post #1039 of 1083 (permalink) Old 10-27-2016, 02:39 PM
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Re: Desperate

Do they have alimony in Ohio?

And Mark, keep in mind her attorney is looking out for her interests...NOT yours.
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post #1040 of 1083 (permalink) Old 10-27-2016, 02:42 PM
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Re: Desperate

Mark.... when my DDay and D filing hit four years ago... I still loved her. But I knew... if she had the

chance, she would throw me under the bus. The first step is the hardest, believe me.

"But my W wouldn't do that" well examine your last few years... treat your opponent like

they are the greatest adversary the world has ever known. Is she, no but you will have "no surprises"

If she borrows $100k three months before you file.... you are on the hook for half if she chooses.

That's the reason I don't believe in separations.... get a D, cool off, then R. Kinda like my parents did

in the 60s.
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post #1041 of 1083 (permalink) Old 10-27-2016, 02:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Desperate

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Do they have alimony in Ohio?
Not that I know of. I have some friends that are divorce attorneys in the state, but they are in counties far away. From what I understand, the courts really seem to like shared parenting when both parents are involved. She makes more money, but she spends it like it's going out of style. My budget doesn't really allow for me to have a whole lot of extracurricular activities, but at least I know that in a year's time I'll be paid down.

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post #1042 of 1083 (permalink) Old 10-27-2016, 02:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Desperate

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Mark.... when my DDay and D filing hit four years ago... I still loved her. But I knew... if she had the

chance, she would throw me under the bus. The first step is the hardest, believe me.

"But my W wouldn't do that" well examine your last few years... treat your opponent like

they are the greatest adversary the world has ever known. Is she, no but you will have "no surprises"

If she borrows $100k three months before you file.... you are on the hook for half if she chooses.

That's the reason I don't believe in separations.... get a D, cool off, then R. Kinda like my parents did

in the 60s.
If we get divorced, I won't want her back at all. I still don't really want a divorce, I'd really like to have the woman that I love back. She's gone forever, and she's deciding not to make any moves back towards it. But if it gets to a divorce, I'm done.

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post #1043 of 1083 (permalink) Old 10-27-2016, 03:09 PM
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Re: Desperate

Isn't the wait time for a D in Ohio a year? Use this time to improve you and be a great dad.

I'm sure she knows how you stand about D, if it's done, we're through. Maybe you said that at

beginning of separation. Maybe she believed it then, I doubt she does now. Filing for D

makes it "real." No more talking, just walking. If you want the M to work and she doesn't... is that what you

want? Good God that is soul destroying. I've had four major loves in my life and have spoken on

them here many times.... every single time I "officially" walked away, who began to chase who?

I made it "real" and then I had the choice of returning or walking away. The first two, yes they were

HS and college sweethearts, I returned and regretted it years later. Yeah we were kids but love, is love.

The XW in 2013, turned her away, never regretted it. Same with UG in 2014. Did it hurt, oh God yes.

But I knew I made the right decision. Funny the 1st love (1988-90) and XW still make sporadic

attempts to re-enter my life. Am I "that hot" ... lol no but they realized their mistakes.

Making your W face the fact she may also regret her mistakes and never have a 2nd chance with you,

will make her think twice about this. Her arse has never been put in the fire pit. Let's see how she reacts
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post #1044 of 1083 (permalink) Old 10-27-2016, 03:14 PM
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Re: Desperate

Mark:

FWIW, I am sorry it has come to this, but glad you are finally sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Your marriage has been in shambles for a while, with really only you holding it together.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #1045 of 1083 (permalink) Old 10-27-2016, 03:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Desperate

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Originally Posted by Chuck71 View Post
Isn't the wait time for a D in Ohio a year? Use this time to improve you and be a great dad.

I'm sure she knows how you stand about D, if it's done, we're through. Maybe you said that at

beginning of separation. Maybe she believed it then, I doubt she does now. Filing for D

makes it "real." No more talking, just walking. If you want the M to work and she doesn't... is that what you

want? Good God that is soul destroying. I've had four major loves in my life and have spoken on

them here many times.... every single time I "officially" walked away, who began to chase who?

I made it "real" and then I had the choice of returning or walking away. The first two, yes they were

HS and college sweethearts, I returned and regretted it years later. Yeah we were kids but love, is love.

The XW in 2013, turned her away, never regretted it. Same with UG in 2014. Did it hurt, oh God yes.

But I knew I made the right decision. Funny the 1st love (1988-90) and XW still make sporadic

attempts to re-enter my life. Am I "that hot" ... lol no but they realized their mistakes.

Making your W face the fact she may also regret her mistakes and never have a 2nd chance with you,

will make her think twice about this. Her arse has never been put in the fire pit. Let's see how she reacts
She hasn't filed. She sought a dissolution.
I am distancing myself from her as much as I can. It's easier but still not as easy as I'd like it to be.

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post #1046 of 1083 (permalink) Old 10-27-2016, 03:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Desperate

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Mark:

FWIW, I am sorry it has come to this, but glad you are finally sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Your marriage has been in shambles for a while, with really only you holding it together.
Yeah. I can't try enough for both of us. Soooooo... just trying to be an awesome dad.

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post #1047 of 1083 (permalink) Old 06-13-2017, 01:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Desperate

Just a quick update.
Divorce has been filed. Just had the preliminary meeting to schedule everything.
She still believes that she will have sole custody and I will be going to her residence to visit. She is also under the impression that we will still be doing family activities after the divorce.
No on both accounts. It's an all-or-nothing deal. The moment the paperwork is signed, the only access she has to me is for co-parenting only


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post #1048 of 1083 (permalink) Old 06-13-2017, 02:14 PM
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Re: Desperate

Welcome back Mark,

You have the patience of Job my friend.

All-or-nothing sounds perfect. Does she know, because eventually you will have to dispel her of those false beliefs.

Did you get your job and living arrangements settled? And is the rest of your family still living in her parents' home?
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post #1049 of 1083 (permalink) Old 06-13-2017, 02:45 PM
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Re: Desperate

In my practice, I see at least ten divorces a year. Without fail, women who initiated divorce proceedings for what I would consider less than obvious reasons, tended to believe that their ex husbands would be just fine doing family activities and essentially being there but not being there. Their wake-up calls happen within the first year where suddenly daddy is taking the kids, and having nothing to do with the ex-wife. Then suddenly daddy is in a new relationship. Then suddenly, daddy is getting re-married and the kids are part of this new family.

The women are literally blown away. They examine their reasons for the split. I have had many an ex-wife say that if they had to do it again, they would have never divorced. They realized that they were incredibly selfish, and wanted things their own way. Some said that they were encouraged to split by their divorced friends. I, myself, had my wife cut her former best girlfriend off, she was suggesting to my wife that she could do better, and to that end wanted her to accompany her to a cougar bar. I told this friend that she was too damn ugly to attract guys at a club and wanted my wife as her wing-girl so that she could at least get down with my wife's cast-offs.

One or two said that they thought that there was a pool of "better" men out there, only to discover that their ex found the "better" woman, and has remade his life, while she is alone. There is a growing pool of 40-50ish women who literally threw their husbands away for less than good reasons who have lived to regret their decisions.

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post #1050 of 1083 (permalink) Old 06-13-2017, 02:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Desperate

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Welcome back Mark,

You have the patience of Job my friend.

All-or-nothing sounds perfect. Does she know, because eventually you will have to dispel her of those false beliefs.

Did you get your job and living arrangements settled? And is the rest of your family still living in her parents' home?
Yes – there was a restraining order that said nothing changes as far as insurance bank accounts, visitation, etc.
So for now, I am still going to her parents’ to visit and I am still staying with family and contributing there. I am still at my day job but I got a second job at Lowe’s. I now have no credit card debt. I have also paid off my tuition bill (not the student loans)
I have a year on my car and I have some medical bills to pay but I should be in a place to buy a house before the end of the year.
I actually love the job at Lowes. Not so much at the bank anymore. It’s a job with great insurance but I’m not enjoying it.
On the negative side, my heart is giving me fits again. I had a stent put in last month and now I will need a valve transplant. Aortic valve stenosis – of the severe variety.


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