Mark, you guys have been through so much together you have given it everything you have got that has to be commended in itself. You have children together, have lost a house and are trying to rebuild again as a family. When a woman has a child there are a lot of chemical reactions in her body, she may not feel sexy the hormones are still trying to regulate and so on you know what I mean. You shouldn't take it that she doesn't want anything to do with you. Are you having date nights as just a couple, are you doing couple things together, a woman needs to feel safe and that is your job so that she can open up to you and off course that goes both ways. Wouldn't she appreciate back rubs, or foot rubs or other intimacy that doesn't have to include full sex? Do you put your arms around her when she as the sink doing dishes from behind? There are so many things that women need and there are no text books given to men or women before they get married only self help books after the damage is done lol! I think that once you make her feel safe she will reciprocate to you, it will take patience on your part. Oh! and the past is the past live in the present.
It's funny that you mention a few of those things. The only time it seems that she is ok with me touching her is when I am rubbing her feet/back/etc. I have even been making the point of telling her in the past few days "I don't expect anything from this, I just want you to know that I love you".
When I come up behind her and hug her she gets angry. When I try to give her a goodbye kiss, she winces and turns her cheek to me.
If I knew what her needs were, it would be great because she will not tell me. She only seems content when we are living as room mates - no intimacy, no real communication about each other, no physical contact unless I am massaging her. The mention of sex or any innuendo gets a response similar to an old woman overhearing a sexually explicit conversation in a grocery store... a disgusted "Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" look.
I can only come to the conclusion that she either doesn't know or doesn't care how important these things are to me and what it does to me. It's not like this just started at the end of the pregnancy. Now it's just at its worst. The intimacy has been decreasing drastically since the miscarriage in January 2012. She doesn't see it. She won't go to counseling. She won't talk to me about it. She isn't leaving me. It's like she is content with both of us being miserable.
Life is too short for that. I am going to make sure I have done everything I can before I decide to leave. I don't want to break up the family. Funny - this time last year - I was at the other end of the spectrum - that's what started this thread. I don't want to give up on the chance for us to be happy together, so I am going to give it all I have to rule anything out - then I am going to weigh out my options... I'm really hoping this works out but I'm not as optimistic as I'd like to be