I'm wondering myself. Here's the last days leading up to this
I was at home and text her to see what she wanted me to do for dinner. She then text me "did you see the letter next to the bed"
I hadn't so I read it. It basically said " maybe we should just let go if you don't love me, we're still young and shouldn't be together if we don't feel it " something to that effect and it stated "let's talk about it. Call me, text me, or email me what ever you think it's best.
So I text her with the work "ok",
Her response "all you have to say is ok ?" that's all?"
I then responded " no I love you and the ok is ok well talk about it"
I went to a concert that night with my niece, it was planned and was not going to dissapoint her.when I got home , I found her in bed listening to sade "I could hear the music through the ear phones" crying.
I said are you ok? She said leave me alone, what do you want,
And as always I turned away (layed next to her and gave her my back). For so long I did this, so things like this are the reasons although she never said it. (damn depression)
Next day she says "I don't know Fernie maybe if you go to your fathers house for two weeks, well be ok. I just need space. I convinced her not to do this (it took work a lot of work but she was going to give me a chance) I told herr I would change and she said ok" we began to clean the house and we were having fun .
I'm very playful and she is very sweet. She has accomplished many things in her life and I am very proud of her. She is only 5' and I'm 6' so I remember I got next to her and told her look at me so here she is looking up at me into my eyes and I tell her " you know Gladys I've always looked up to you"
she started to laugh.
I began to clean the kitchen. And she was at our room. I got this weird vibe so I passed through the room and I saw her. (she didn't see me)
She was sitting on the bed, eyes closed, face red as a tomato holding an empty coin jar.
This is her coin jar and I had cashed it because I was broke (like always), without telling her.
She then came to me a few minutes later and said "what's this"
I said that's in the past I'm sorry and I'll replace it.
This was her breaking point.
If I have to give an honest answer , it was nothing big
It was small little bad habits that added up through the years.
Somewhere along the line I never grew up. And she got tired of being my mother (I realize this she didn't say it).
I was too needy and dependent.
So she goes to the kitchen, says I need you to go for two weeks, if you love me you'll go. I fought to stay and she said "if you stay I'll just find reasons to hate you"
So I left. On a Monday. On Wednesday I received an email by her stating something like " I'm sorry Fernie but I want a divorce and it's you that caused me to do this through time and theres nothing you can do"
It was an angry letter but nothing personal.
And yup she filed and yup were divorced.
I don't know if she'll see the good in me
But I have changed so much already
The time I need is to get my finances ready.
I love this girl, and she deserves to be loved and if I couldn't offer her the best love out there I wouldn't even try. But just as she is special to me, I know in special (just need to keep fixing my issues).
The hardest thing is that every time I tried to call her, she would hang up within a minute. Once I had an anxiety attack, and called her, she didn't pick up. I text her to call because of my anxiety and she did.
She always said she didn't love me anymore through that month.
I didn't believe it, she's so sweet so even if she didn't "why would she dump me so horribly "
But after a while I started to believe it and I told myself "we'll whatever reason, you just have to get better and with her or without her you need to change and be better"
So our last conversation we had I asked
Gladys if you still respect me please at least tell me what made you stop loving me. I feel like if we're on a boat, I jump in the water first. I'm waiting for you and the boat just leaves" I'm lost and I'm trying for my health to get better. Please tell me. I love you and I want you to at least be my friend"
She broke down and began to cry and said "Fernie I can't be your friend, I still love you"
I told her "babe I love you and you deserve the best and I promise on my soul that one day I'll come back to you a new man, I will focus on myself and my lips will not touch anyone until I offer you my best"
Her response "I won't believe you"
My response "well I'm going to change and well deal with that when the time comes I guess"
And that's it. 10 months later still need to change more but I'm focused. Still loyal to my promise. Posted via Mobile Device