Sleeping with someone else when separated..
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Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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Old 10-17-2012, 10:31 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Sleeping with someone else when separated..

If your husband/wife has been sleeping with other people while you have been separated would this be an issue for you? Would you still want to reconcile?. I haven't been with anyone else but my husband on the other hand has been with a few. No girlfriends just sex. And a whole lotta living it up I don't know whether I can handle it to be honest and I would love to know everyone else's thoughts.
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Old 10-17-2012, 11:11 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sleeping with someone else when separated..

I think if I had a temporary separation with an eye on using the time to reflect on whether or not to continue in the marriage it would be nothing but a disservice to my partner and a waste of time if I spent the time running around partying and bopping everything in sight.I guess it would also depend on the reason for the separation.If it was for infidelity idk because I opted for divorce with no separation.Make the best decision for YOU based on reality,because you're the one who'll be living with it.Just remember like they say...actions speaking louder than words.Good luck.
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Old 10-17-2012, 11:18 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sleeping with someone else when separated..

I think once you seperate in the majority of cases[not all] you don't get back together later on so he might already see it as being as his wanting to move on.

Who wanted the seperation ? and how was you sex life,because if it was you that wanted the seperation this could be his way of revenge and if you did not have much sex it could also be revenge or his way of feeling wanted again.
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Old 10-17-2012, 11:20 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sleeping with someone else when separated..

My STBXW was sleeping with at least one of her out-of-town boyfriends even prior to my having been moved out of our house. It appears that it continued to go on with both of them even after the separation started.

She may not seem to have a problem with it, but I absolutely refuse to lower myself to her level as I have a far greater respect for the institution of marriage than she ever has. Unlike her, I will gladly wait until the ink on our divorce decree is fastly dried!
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Last edited by arbitrator; 10-18-2012 at 10:27 AM.
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Old 10-18-2012, 11:48 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sleeping with someone else when separated..

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Originally Posted by dubbizle View Post
I think once you seperate in the majority of cases[not all] you don't get back together later on so he might already see it as being as his wanting to move on.

Who wanted the seperation ? and how was you sex life,because if it was you that wanted the seperation this could be his way of revenge and if you did not have much sex it could also be revenge or his way of feeling wanted again.
I left him. We had a very premature baby and we had to be 2 hours away from husband so we dealt with things separately and then I just wanted out from him. It's a very complicated situation (aren't they all?!) and he has since left the country and hasn't seen our daughter for months. When he finally rings (every 3 months if that) he tells me "not a day goes by that he doesn't think of me and A) and it's like REALLY?! hmmmm doing a bunk on your family and sleeping around tells a different story me thinks. I don't know what's going to happen TBH.
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Old 10-18-2012, 11:53 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sleeping with someone else when separated..

If it were a trial separation and one of the spouses uses that time to go have sex outside the marriage, it pretty much becomes a permanent separation, IMO.
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Old 10-20-2012, 10:22 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sleeping with someone else when separated..

I couldn't. I don't even want to think about it but I am sure my h s out doing just that. I would be surprised if he is not.
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Old 10-21-2012, 10:56 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sleeping with someone else when separated..

Was that part of the agreement that you could see others?
Was he upfront about it, or did you find out through friends?
I would prolong the separation with him, sounds like he felt marriage was a bit of a jail for him. That can be a bad sign for future cheating.
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Old 10-22-2012, 05:24 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I'm separated and have been for 12 months next week. My H isn't sleeping with anyone else, and of course I'm not. He however does believe that he is entitled to, as we have discussed this very issue.. I don't agree, just because we r separated doesn't give them the right to do this. We r still married, in good times a bad.. In my book it's still b unfaithful and in my case unforgivable.
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Old 10-22-2012, 06:48 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sleeping with someone else when separated..

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Originally Posted by Raffles View Post
I'm separated and have been for 12 months next week. My H isn't sleeping with anyone else, and of course I'm not. He however does believe that he is entitled to, as we have discussed this very issue.. I don't agree, just because we r separated doesn't give them the right to do this. We r still married, in good times a bad.. In my book it's still b unfaithful and in my case unforgivable.
I'm in agreement with you that until the ink is fastly dried on the divorce decree that sleeping with someone else, even while separated, is deemed to be cheating. I disagree about it being "unforgivable" as God charges us to forgive those who offend our well being. But He doesn't say that we have to forget!

Your husband's entire mantra in this is richly governed by the term "cake-eating!" The only real reason, IMHO, that he likely isn't doing it yet is chiefly because that he's having some difficulty in finding anyone willing to lower their pants for him!
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Old 10-22-2012, 07:29 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sleeping with someone else when separated..

i am now entering a separation with my wife, married almost 1 year ago. she says shes not happy, wants it over etc etc but wont divorce immediately. if i found out that she was seeing other people and then decided she wanted to try and make it work with me i would have some serious doubts about her motives and the kind of person she is. though i dont think she will be coming back.

although, since she wants it over i have no hesitation in going out and looking for a new girl to get on with my life. but, since its her choice if she tried it out with someone else and then came back i dont know if i would still want her. i dont understand my logic...do you?
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Old 10-22-2012, 08:17 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sleeping with someone else when separated..

He has moved on, so should you, don't believe lies that are paraded as the truth.

He left you and your baby at the most difficult time, i have an estrange just like that he is a loser, you are not important to him and never will be, forget him, he has already.

Would you still want to reconcile? What do you think, NO!

My marriage was a farce, so i wouldn't consider it cheating sleeping with some one else, we have been separated for many years, i don't think i will worry about the ink drying on the divorce papers, when i can get it that is, because he is making it seriously difficult.
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Old 10-22-2012, 11:35 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sleeping with someone else when separated..

I think you are each entitled to your own definitions and ground rules. But having said that, you are within your rights to consider him having sex with someone else to be a permanent deal breaker.

I consider us married until the D is final. Any sex before then is an affair. If my wife and I were separated and she had sex with someone else, it would to me be unrecoverable for our marriage. It is entirely different than her having sex with another man before we met.

Just because your husband thinks it is ok to have sex while you are separated does not mean you have to agree it is ok.
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Old 10-22-2012, 02:23 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sleeping with someone else when separated..

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Originally Posted by Thor View Post
I think you are each entitled to your own definitions and ground rules. But having said that, you are within your rights to consider him having sex with someone else to be a permanent deal breaker.

I consider us married until the D is final. Any sex before then is an affair. If my wife and I were separated and she had sex with someone else, it would to me be unrecoverable for our marriage. It is entirely different than her having sex with another man before we met.

Just because your husband thinks it is ok to have sex while you are separated does not mean you have to agree it is ok.
Not to mention that such an act in some states can constitute evidence of adultery which could be used in "at-fault" property settlements not to even mention child custody.
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Old 10-23-2012, 08:58 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Sleeping with someone else when separated..

I do not feel sex during a separation is an automatic no go on a R. People are lost during separations and searching everywhere to find themselves and answers even in the wrong way. If they fall in love while separated then that would ruin all chances. It would be hard to look past but I think it could be done. My H is sleeping with someone while we are separated and I love him enough to look past that.
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