However, slightly younger, married OW still continues to contact every 2-3 months, mostly by email; husband responded non-committally but not negatively enough, first 6 months, with no physical meetings.
However, it has been very difficult for me not to respond to triggers as many of their meetings were in our home and in out-buildings on our property.
I understand how I was responsible for 50% of the dysfunction in marriage which led to affair and have owned to it but husband has not verbally owned up beyond saying he was at fault too.
While I believe I have begun to accept (and maybe even forgive) why husband chose an affair as opposed to coming to me to express unhappiness and seek counciling, I can not understand how he could have chosen to deceive for 6 years, why he could not have been honest enough to ask for divorce.
He obviously found in her enough positives to continue deception, yes, he may have truly loved her, and until caught, why not continue to enjoy home, children, reputation, security, etc?
Husband is easily flooded, finds it very difficult to talk about affair and even relationship between us outside of affair issues. Feels if everything is going well, why rock the boat, rehash the past, etc. Withdraws and stonewalls...
Will the hurt ever go away? Will the knowledge that the one I had built my life upon, who I trusted to have my back, prefered another woman for so long ever fade?
Were those 6 years a complete loss due to the double life he led? How does that fact jive with the seemingly good times we had together and with our children during that time...how do I move on, let the past go and build a better marriage with him when everything, EVERYTHING, seems so tainted?
Hi I'm so sorry to read what you had been through.
This sounds strikingly similar to what happened to me and how my WS had behaved after the discovery. We are already on R as you similarly describe yourself but we also have a few loose ends to deal with.
After all, I had to realize that men are different from us women.
I'm not in my Sixties but I personally do not feel any different. Today's 60s would probably be 50s and people seem to be leading far more productive life than let's say, 10 years ago?
I don't think your h was going to replace you by seeing this other woman who was someone else's Wife. I never met your H but it is rather obvious.. He was only there to have his cake and eat it! Could well be a sexual and physical thing. It's a different body and different sex. My WH had 3 years affair behind my back (yes, it's a double life) and that was with a Friend with Benefits.
It was a sexual kick for him.
Have you told his family e.g. brother, sister etc about what happened? I have. That did help my WS to be brought back to the reality. Have you told the husband of this wayward wife, who has been sleeping with your husband as to what they were up to behind their back? He has the right to know.
You mention that your h regularly invited OW into your marital home and marital bed over the past 6 years (I think this is very unusual and so daring...) and that is a horrendous act of disrespecting you.
Were they wearing a protection when they had sex? You could have been passed on herpes.
Have you spoke to his OW at all? I have. I found out about OW and this helped me find out about the nature of their "Relationship" and how attractive she was etc. Personally, in my opinion, she had large breasts (he had commented on), she was extremely naive to think my WS cared about her. He was only there to get laid.
If your h thinks that there will be no consequences for what he had done, he needs to think again. Yes, 6 years...absolutely unbelievable.