Preparing for counseling, how should i approach?
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Old 01-28-2013, 11:33 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Preparing for counseling, how should i approach?

I'm still a little confused as to why she had the affair. I have read other posters about their partners remorse and overwhelming guilt that drove them to confess, but I have yet to see true remorse in my partner. As it stands, my wife has told me she is completely devoted to earning my trust back and getting the "old" me back. We are scheduled to attend our first session in about a month and I'm curious as to how I should play my part in the recon during counseling. Like I said I'm not sure what drove her to cheat, but is the reason for infidelity discussed in a session and how far back would the discussion go? Or is the session directed with "how does that make you feel" after the fact questions?
The reason I'm asking this is because I have read numerous posts from the waywards about their spouse not giving them (X), so they went outside the relationship to get it from someone else. This confuses me greatly, because in my attempt to decipher my misstep that would have caused her to step out, I have discovered that I am apparently the best man in all aspects of mandom that she has ever met. OK, realistically I understand she is going to be very gentle with how she talks to me for a while, but her reason for cheating has boiled down to "he was just there"...no affection, no attraction, no guilt, no remorse, no expectations...just the simple fact that the bed was big enough for both of them and he wanted something she had no respect for herself to say no to. So, my thoughts are 2 fold; how do I figure out what caused her lust for another, what should I do in session if it comes out she just cant say no to strange?
thanks in advance for the advice
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Old 01-28-2013, 02:51 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Preparing for counseling, how should i approach?

A good therapist will lead the discussion where it needs to go. Obviously it's a little deeper than "he was just there".

Just reading your post makes me wonder if part of the problem is your wife's fear of being honest with you. Heck, if this guy was "just there" and for whatever reason, she opened up to him in a way she can't currently do with you, that might have been the spark the affair needed. Who knows, though, that's just a wild guess based on one paragraph of info...
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