Hi This, thank you for your posts, I do appreciate it. How long was your wife away and what made her come out of the fog. I'm not desperate to R and a lot of things would need to change for me to consider it. I'm only keeping the door open as we've always been close. Our marriage wasn't perfect and I've taken responsibility for my role in it and what I contributed. Ive taken time to change who I am and am more confident and responsible for my own energy and happiness. It would be nice to hear what changed that gave you a chance to work on things.
You are welcome. I am very sorry this is happening to you. Just so you know I think you sound very healthy to me in your thinking. Very mature about this sad situation. It will help you however this ends up.
To answer your question how long. When I first heard the word Divorce, I was shocked, and made many mistakes which pushed her further away. Begging pleading, looking unattractive to her. I always left the door open, and encouraged MC, which we tried for months after, a bad MC stopped that. Then about 6 month later she up and walked out and left me for 4 months. Again convinced she wanted to D. Through period I had discovered the younger co-worker emails. EA.
I still knew the marriage we had before that was a good one, so After reading and rereading the book Divorce Remedy, I decided to wait it out. It all read like the depression called MLC. Convinced her to try MC again with a new one, which she did. She was stoic through the whole process, but I think it gave her a chance to clear the fog.
After 3.5 months of separation, doing MC and about a year after this all started, I decided I wanted my life back, with or without her, so I gave her a choice we either move toward R or D. R required she move back home and we work on it, D we would be going to the lawyer(s).
She took a step towards D and at the very last hour before I was off to the lawyer, she changed her mind.
She was still working through it and it took many more months till we really started to become the couple we once were, but in some ways we are better now than before.
I think the sad part is family in friends. Many of those relationships will be tarnished forever, but the marriage is much more important in my eyes.
Not sure if I answered your question. Please let me know if there is anything I can share to be helpful.
All the best to you!