Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Southern Louisiana
Re: So confused. Not sure what to do
I'm a Marine veteran and combat veteran of OIF who has been diagnosed with PTSD by more than one mental health professional, and I can relate to a large part of your story.
Some guys, when they come back, they can't handle the real world anymore. They deal with this by engaging in self destructive behavior, like binge drinking, fighting, doing drugs, getting arrested, etc. After a few years of that, some guys finally seek help and start to recover. Some guys do not. I've been home from Iraq for 8 years, and some of my buddies are still drinking themselves into oblivion.
Guys like that can't hold down a job, a marriage, a meaningful relationship with their children, nothing. They just drift from job to job, woman to woman, all while existing in a barely coherent drunken stupor. It's a heartbreaking thing to watch.
Some guys also come home and act like worthless human beings and then blame all of their behavior on PTSD. I'm not saying these guys don't have it, but I've seen with my own eyes plenty of guys use their PTSD as an excuse to continue acting immaturely and irresponsibly.
You need to evaluate where on the scale your husband really is. Is he truly seeking help? Has he truly stopped drinking? Is he really working on making a better life for himself? Or is he telling you all that because it sounds good over the phone?
I don't have to tell you that a man, Marine or not, PTSD or not, who leaves his wife and young child and then gets involved with another woman and possibly fathers a child with her, while still married to his wife, is an irresponsible and selfish man. You really need to evaluate whether or not that's the kind of man you want as a husband and father to your child.
If you think that he is, then he needs to demonstrate to you that he is working on improving himself.