cd, yeah, that's what I meant! Didn't intend to confuse
And yes, your situation is different, but my STBXH says (claims?) that he thought I hated him and wanted a divorce, as if that justifies his actions since we separated.
And he's not going to wake up and figure this stuff out, at least not anytime in the window of time during which I would be willing to wait. We've only been separated for six months, but I've been waiting for him to figure this all out for much, MUCH longer than that.
Misleading in the sense that it can make you feel like the spouse/marriage is what was keeping you from being happy, when that might not be the case at all, but it's common for figuring that part out to take a few months or more, because it has to run it's course naturally and can't be pushed by the spouse.
This is where he is right now, and where he will remain for a very long time, if not forever. Once he convinces himself of something, it's nearly impossible to shake him of any such conviction, even if you can disprove him with facts, evidence, and/or science. He's not as self-aware as he thinks he is, and if he knew himself only half as well as I know him, he might stand a chance at some sort of happiness.
I can't spend my life waiting around for him to figure things out. There's a better life for me than what he can offer, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let it pass me by because of a slim-to-none chance that he might wake up and figure it out.
Things will work out for me - just not with him. And I'm OK with that, for the most part. I'm working through it, and I'm getting there. Not the fastest process, but I'm moving ahead, and each day gets just a little better.