Re: Wife moving back in after 3+ year separation
Wilderness, Harry, Bandit, Sammy, etc... Maybe you are all right, maybe she is playing me. I'm still at this point convinced that she is not, due to a number of reasons, many of which I have detailed here and maybe a few I haven't.
I do want to restate it again just to be clear. My wife was not knowingly sleeping with a sex offender. He did the horrible things he did while they were together completely without her knowing while she worked nearly full time while a full-time nursing student. He was an overnight warehouse security guard (the kind who sits in a booth waiting for truck deliveries to show up and check them in, provided a TV to watch and a TON of free time) who after searching his car and hidden spaces in the apartment, was found with about a dozen pre-paid cell phones to conceal his activities. She was fooled more than anyone, and felt extreme guilt and humiliation for having not known or suspected it. So her having an affair was wrong and she has to live with that, but the fact that he turned out to be a sexual predator doesn't make it any worse, more shameful, etc.
One more thing that's worth piecing together, going all the way back to her freshman year of high school, she has had relationships with four different men since that time, ALL of whom have betrayed her in some extreme way, and all of those also included sexual betrayal. To summarize:
1. 9th Grade BF: Dated for a few months then insisted on taking her virginity, knocked her up within a few weeks of that starting, then dumping her a few weeks later. Upon learning of her pregnancy, he launched into a campaign to turn their entire grade/school against her by publicly branding her as a ****, a tramp, not worthy of decency, with her growing belly as proof of his assertions. He and his friends would follow her, taunt her, threaten her in the halls at school, etc. She gave up the baby for adoption to a family who could not have children, while he went on to marry his 2nd cousin and then cheat on her relentlessly. Incidentally, while she was pregnant she was raped by a classmate who got her over to his house by lying to her about having a party.
2. Me. She and I met and started dating about six months after the baby was born. After our marriage I became a pervert/sexual deviant/porn addict who actively sought to get her to have sex with others so that I could watch and then possibly participate, take intimate pictures/video of her or us to post online for others, openly blaming her for her lack of libido and refusing her desire for another child as a result, willing to "throw her under the bus" in order to make myself look better in the eyes of others, etc. She felt unloved, undesirable, unworthy of love, and trapped, all while I was completely clueless. She was miserable in the last year or two before she ultimately began the first affair.
3. OM #1. In her misery, she was incredibly susceptible to any other man who might pay her a moments notice, like a woman wandering the dessert starving of thirst and then being offered a glass of water, she clung to it. He was married with kids, and made promises left and right to her, all the while increasingly demanding more of her sexually, including his own perverted fantasies. (Sex in public, in dirty places, etc.) Things she never would have been into on her own. He repeatedly broke his promises, used her and once caught, dumped her to the side. She was left completely heartbroken and incredibly angry.
4. Final OM #2, now incarcerated as a sex offender. After briefly returning home to try to "make things right" but struggling to do so under the circumstances (check my post a few posts up for details), she met OM #2 who easily recognized the opportunity before him and quickly seduced her into doing his will. Charming and a master manipulator, he topped OM #1 by a mile, using her at will, requiring her to tattoo his initials to her wrist (which she covered up a week later when he wasn't around, against his wishes of course), making her engaged in even more twists sexual exploits, all while still pursing other (elusively young) women at the same time behind her back. He too made promises that he broke, and used her financially as well, insisting that she pay the rent and all the bills herself with 30/hr per week job while in full-time nursing school, saying that he barely had enough money for his cigarettes and food after much of his check would be garnished for child support payments and financial judgments against him. Then of course, there was ultimately his arrest and the slow unraveling of everything he was doing behind her back. She was left ashamed, angry, humiliated, etc.
She is 29 years old, and what I just described represents the last 14 years of her life. Not to mention the fact that the first ten years of her life consisted of her parents divorce before she was born due to abuse, her mom going through a series of boyfriends including a couple who moved in with them, and her dad has since been divorced four times. So honestly, I think she has darn good reasons to be fearful and distrustful of true commitment, love, physical intimacy, etc. Having been repeatedly used, betrayed, or witness to betrayal and broken promises her entire life, who could blame her???