Atholk

Because it would mark him as scared to comfront her directly. Which is an attraction killer. Which pushes her away from him, when the goal is to bring her back to him. You absolutely have to talk to her first.

If you blow the lid off of her sexual interests to her parents, that may in and of itself become a permanent issue in the marriage, for which she may never forgive him. She is obviously being inappropriate, but this is still a deeply personal interest of hers.

If you do talk to her parents, I would think it's done in the context of divorce ultimatums, and thanking them for their love and concern over the years, and simply say "there is another man, and she is unwilling to give him up, and I'm not willing to stay with her like that". No gory details about BDSM et al. That way the parents are calling her obviously looking for information, and you keep the moral high ground and haven't betrayed her privacy in the nature of her interests.

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nice777guy

Telling the parents sounds a bit like "tattling" to me. Confront HER about the issues in the marriage.

Limbo_SA

Well we had a long talk last night. I asked her about her interest etc and i a round about way she admitted to her fetish for BDSM and that she want to experiment with Master Slave with another guy online. She wouldn't admit though that she already has someone so she is still hiding stuff

I am came across a post she wrote to someone today and in it she says that although things between us are better she is knows in her heart that our marriage is over although last night she swore to me that I had nothing to worry about at that she loves me. So now I am so confused

I mentioned maybe going to see a Pshycologist / Marriage Counselor and she seemed interested so I am thinking I need to set us up an appointment

What is still worrying me is this "master" of her's who she "loves". She has never met the man and I am afraid she is in love with mystery and new experience but that the actual guy would never love her. If things are truly over between the 2 of us I wish she would just say and not tell me last night that we must work for our marriage etc

She had a very bad sexual experience when she was younger and I don't think that she has emotionally dealt with it. She has never told anyone about it but me many years after the event. I am worried that she thinks she is a bad person and that this BDSM sort of life is what she must follow

I don't want to give up on her. I think she needs help. I want to continue to show my love and try and win her back, bring her back from this dark place

Atholk

Dude... you actually have to confront her with what you know. You're skipping around it and letting her continue on.

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I do a lot of commenting here and love helping, but much of my best work and most coherent overview of how married men can have the best sex and relationship with their wife is done on my blog at http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/

turnera

She is lying to you to keep you from (a) stopping her or (b) leaving her. She wants to eat cake.

Atholk, ftr, I said talk to the parents IF you have already discussed it with her and gotten nowhere. Who else is she going to listen to? She obviously doesn't listen to her husband.

Limbo_SA

She is confused I can see this and she is confiding in the wrong person. She had a very bad sexual experience when she was younger and blames herself for this. Now she thinks she is bad and must be punished. I need to confront her. I just can't build up the courage, some man I am. I am just so scared of loosing her. I guess I think that standing by while she does this is better in that I still have her instead of confronting her and loosing her although I am sure if I don't address this now I am just in for more pain and eventual loss. I do think I need to talk to her parents though, the don't know about her bad sexual experience, she has hidden it from them. I think I need to talk to her first.

The weird part is that I was thinking of organizing a surprise night away for us tomorrow night at a hotel filled with toys and all. I will dominate her as she desires and then afterward's confront her. I have a weird feeling something like that would turn her on, she wants to be submissive. Is this a bad approach? I mean I like the domination

The option is just to discuss it with her upfront

I am going to go see a psychologist / marriage counselor tomorrow as I need to talk to someone. She thinks I think there is something wrong with her for suggesting a psychologist. I don't think there is anything wrong with her I just think her childhood sexual experience is blurring her logic

Yeah another night of not sleeping for me while I die a little more inside. I know I need to confront her but I just don't want to loose her

She has promised me that she is only exploring and she loves me but these posts of hers to him is killing me. I agree that I am a floor mat

turnera

I would not surprise her like that.

The bad thing about sitting back and letting her do it to avoid losing her, is that it is an addiction. She is feeding off it; eventually, what she's getting now won't be enough; she'll seek something more dangerous. You'll lose her anyway.

PLEASE do the right thing and confront her.

Limbo_SA

Its sad old me again. No I haven't confronted her yer. Went to the doctor today as I am feeling ill - tempted to ask him for a cure to a broken heart

Took her wedding ring to get fixed today, one of the diamonds had come loose a while back and we have been meaning to get it fixed for ages and I felt now more than ever was the right time

Thinking of taking her to dinner once its back a re-proposing to her, think that's to dramatical?

I have been expressing my love so much later and I just get the feeling its being rejected. I don't think its too late for us, I will fight right until the end

We ordered some toys today, I am excited about them but also depressed in that I know she is getting some of them for him

Can it really just be that she has this void needing filling and she gets this from this relationship and that it will remain nothing more than just a tease but she will still remain my wife

Just the fact of another man having some much sexual control over her is eating me alive

Almost went to a Pshycologist today but then thought how do I even start to explain this one. Its kind of like a special unique type of marriage problem

Limbo_SA

That's cause I am chicken and haven't confronted her for fear of loosing her

turnera

Losing what? You have a LIAR for a wife.

nice777guy

She's the one who should be embarrassed and ashamed. If you bring her behavior to light, and she does anything but apologize and promise to quit - then you have larger issues than you realize.

You HAVE to address this with her directly. Don't re-propose. Don't be so nice. She is having an on-line affair and it has to stop.

Atholk

That is fail, and you know it. You are loosing her already by your inaction and passive nature.

Forget "pre-proposing to her", you should take a baseball bat and just smash the **** out of the computer she uses. I'm talking just smash it to pieces and leave a little note on top that says "I read everything". It would be more effective.

What this woman wants is for you to spank her and pull her hair et al.

Married Man Sex Life: Nice Guys Finish Last

__________________
I do a lot of commenting here and love helping, but much of my best work and most coherent overview of how married men can have the best sex and relationship with their wife is done on my blog at http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/

Limbo_SA

No doubt she enjoys the domination side but I am not going to change who I am. Yes in the bedroom I am more than willing to do this but it seems she wants it full-time and this is something I can not do

To this extent I think this is why she wont confess to having a master. By not acting I do run the risk of loosing her I know, something that scares me more than death itself. I just need to work out the right way to deal with this with her, more precisely the courage to confront her. I am at a point now where living with the pain and still having her in my life appeals to me more than confronting her and loosing her forever - warped I know

What hurts me is that she doesn't think what she is doing is wrong. Can she really think being in an online relationship with another man while married is okay. I part of me hopes that this is just a phase in her life that she is going through and that it will pass

I have voiced my disapproval, no direct accusations, and now we will wait and see what happens. I have indicated that I love her very much and that we can get through anything together, if she wants this marriage to work she needs to take the next step

Strange, I am probably the exact opposite type of person that she is currently attracted too but I have to believe that she loves me, she married me and we have had such good times

Our distance over the last year is what drove her towards this craving attention. We have spoken about this and agreed that we need to work harder at our marriage so I have to believe she wants too

Limbo_SA

Its not that cut and dry

She has found something that intrigues her that is filling a need in her that she never knew she had. At the same time she is ashamed of it and thus doesn't want to tell me about it

The sad thing is she can't have both and this is what scares me in that I think I might loose if she has to choose

turnera

What is a marriage if one partner hides one of the biggest secrets in the world?

You don't HAVE her. You are SHARING her because you are basically BEGGING her - without her knowledge - to keep you.

Can you imagine yourself 5 years from now? She will be meeting these people in real life by then, if not outright living with them, like a drug addict. You will be an afterthought.

All she needs from you is for you to act like a man. To say 'you're my wife and I don't deserve this ****.' Why do you think she went looking for this stuff? Because she thinks you're a wimp and she has lost all respect for you. If you do ANYTHING but fight this, it will confirm her suspicions, and she WILL leave you.