htx.wifey.88

Yes I am 21, as young and dumb it sound I have been in this relationship 7 years and married 4. Husband is 27. I'm very mature for my age, Independent, type of thinking. and Now i'm at a breaking point.

My husband works m-f 7-5 but the weekend rolls by and all hell breaks loose, check cashed and here comes the 24 pack, he drinks with his brother or friends and it ridiculous. I get home cook dinner pick up my son from daycare, and wait and wait and wait i end up putting my son to bed, call him once, twice, three times no answer i txt him "hey wats going on?" no reply I next reaction is oh my god something happened!! Now i begin to call and call no answer, finally i get a txt "ill be home later" i reply "where r u, plz answer"...no reply. So here comes 2-3 am drunk... just reeks in the smell of beer (yuck!) Like nothing, he says wheres my plate? i dnt answer him, i go to the bedroom and lay down, and i hear him across the house yelling "damit you, you never give me some space. all you do is nag, u should be lucky to be my wife (yea, RIGHT!) or Get the f*** out my face. I'm leaving" and blah blah blah until he falls asleep on the sofa. And I cant say a thing back or else he jus go's on and on. he does this anytime of the week. If someone comes over to have dinner of a get-together , he's the first to go buy a 12 when the barely on the 3 beer. He says he doesn't rely on alcohol and that hes not an alcoholic. I think he is. I've asked him to please stop drinking for the sake of our marriage, and for his health. & to top it off i come to find out he's using cocaine as well. I've never seen him use that or never seen an indication of it in my life!!!

I feel so lost at times, i need to know what i can do to help him change his habits. i didnt meet him like this, nor did he have this drinking problem while dating. I moved across the city to a house, hoping getting him away from his crappy friends and bad influences in the area where were. But that was no help. I feel for my son, He looks up to my husband as hero, a man that does no wrong. And it kills me.. I NEED SOME ADVICE PLZ ANYONE!! I dnt wanna live like this forever. I love him and dnt wanna loose this marriage. I mean a beer a day, a 24 pack sat, a 24 sunday!!! Is that normal????

Thankz for reading!

Enough!!!

You are living with a ticking time bomb!!!
He does not respect you... obviously!
Your H should be telling you where he is and if he is going to home late. PERIOD!!!

I can't imagine the hell you must be going through, however I grew up in a household with an alcoholic father. So I would like to give you some advice from your son's point of view.

I HATE my father and have a very strained relationship with my mother. I hate my father because of the hell he put my family through. He was and still is a very selfish lowlife human being. As for my mother, I lost respect for her as she had no respect for herself. Eventually with my fathers drinking, the beatings came for me and my sister's. Terrible beatings, he lost control!

My main concern for you, as it was for me, is that your son with resent you for not protecting him, for not getting him out of that situation. The longer you stay there, the greater the chance your son will develop a drinking issue when he gets older (I now have 2 alcoholic sister's, that battle the demons of our childhood). And I don't imagine that is what you want for your child.

You can't help your husband, and if he isn't willing to admit there is a problem. Then you are headed for a very traumatic life. As hard as it is, and I wouldn't normally suggest leaving. However you are dealing with an addiction that is so much more that you could ever possibly deal with.

Your H is a substance abuser, and it sounds like there are multiple issues. If you didn't know about the cocaine... then that, unfortunately is just the beginning. What I mean is you haven't seen the worst of that!

I fear for you and your child's safety. If you both aren't enough for him to help himself. Then all's you have left to to help yourself.
You can't save him.

I truly wish you all the best, and pray for your safety. But you can trust (as I learnt from my own painful experience) there may be no happy ending for your marriage. You need to force your H into action. You can't do that with words, but rather with actions. Save yourself, it may just be the saviour your H needs.
You deserve better!!!
My thoughts are with you.

htx.wifey.88

Thanks for your words. like any woman in my place, of course it hurts to hear that but its the down right truth and i need to hear (read ;] ) from someone....

Any body else!!! Need more opinions!!
Thanks again!

HappyHer

Sweetie, if his drinking and the drugs are effecting your life, then he is at least a problem drinker if not a full blown alcoholic. Get yourself to Al-Anon and start learning some tools on how to deal with the situation in a way that will be the healthiest for yourself and your child.

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InnerGold

You need to protect your children. They need to understand what is right and what is wrong. Do not criticize your husband but they need to understand what is going on, incase something happens, either with the marriage or something else.

Your responsible for protecting those children and as you protect them, you will be protecting your self. I would seek counseling and encourage him to go to counseling, if he will.

I agree with the first post, you have a ticking time bomb but it seems to explode every weekend.

As I have said before, ladies deserve to be treated like a queen. I hope you realize that he is the lucky one to be married to you.

MissBhaven

You should be lucky to be his wife? Are you kidding me? If that's being lucky, I'd hate to see sorry! He should be glad he has such a good wife to put up with him (and his drinking buddies) and take care of his child.

I am there with you and it's not fun. At 21 you're still young enough to find happiness with someone who will appreciate, love and respect you like you deserve. I've dealth with similar issues for almost 20 years and I can tell you mine didn't get better. Even though my H did stop taking off and being gone for a whole weekend at a time, other abuses took over. I stayed - but now I wish sometimes I wouldn't have. Everyone else seen the downward spiral but I had tunnel vision and THOUGHT I could change him - if he loved me enough. I am not going to tell you that you should stay or leave but unless he truly wants to change, you're fighting a losing battle that you cant win.

I have never been to Al-Anon because there is not one in my area but wish I could've.

Life is too short to be so unhappy! Do what's best for yourself and your son.

God Bless and good luck.

InnerGold

MissB,

Both of you are still young enough to find happiness.

Confused_1

I'm sitting here in tears because I am going thru the EXACT same thing. It's amazing except my hubbi was a drinker when I met him and he informed me of his habit after I fell in love. His habit it not a daily thing, but he does it ever so often and when he does...he goes all out! I'm scared for his health. The thing that gets me is that I asked him to get help or leave. He left! We've been seperated for almost a month and I believe that I made the right choice because it showed me that he would rather not admit to his problems and attempt to fix them than be with his family! I'm hurting now because I miss him. Inspite of all his habits, he's a good man! All I can tell you is pray...since his cocaine habit is just getting started as far as you know, he needs to seek help. My hubbi's problems is far from fresh and I could go on for hours telling you the drama I've been thru with that situation. Just know it's really not worth it. Pray hon...it does help!

browneyes

Hi I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I'm in almost the same boat. I have a 3yr old. When I met my (now ex) I actually SUSPECTED he used coke but he was such a good con that I overlooked my gut feeling. He was a big drinker and I couldn't understand how someone could drink so much. Now I know .. coke makes you be able to drink unimaginable amounts of beer.
I thought he was an alcoholic. He told me he'd go to AA. I went with him to 1 meeting to give him support and after we left he said it wasn't for him.
He's been violent with me - even pushed me when I was 9 months pregnant. We went to court for this and he was told he was to stay away from drinking for a whole year & that he'd go to rehab - he even signed that form - but what did he do when we left the courthouse? He told me "I'm going drinking and you HAVE NO PROOF" - and he left.
And still .. I didn't leave. Stupid? Oh ya. I got confirmation that he was doing coke and I finally told him not to come back. It's been a little over a month and I SEE the change in my son. He is happier. There is no more wondering if 'Daddy is going to come home or not'. No more screaming in the house.
My money is now always where I left it. He wasn't able to keep a job borrowed $ left & right.
I wont say it's not totally hard, but think about it ... you're doing everything anyway aren't you? So was I - so it's not THAT hard of an adjustment .. it just might get a little lonely at times and you might wish, what if .... but there is no what if if he is not able to admit to this addiction and go seek help.
My advice is GET OUT. Your child will suffer in the end and so will you. They don't change - unless THEY want to.
I honestly thought that asking him never to come back would shake him up - but no. An addiction like drinking & drugs is so powerful that this becomes their priority. Nothing else. And they become even more selfish & mean. This is NOT a life for a child. DRUGS AND CHILDREN DON'T MIX. I know it's so much easier for me to say JUST LEAVE HIM! But try to think of your child & your future, and you have to know that unless he gets help, your life will still be the same next year as it is today. Believe me, I'm going through what you are. It's not fun but I can honestly tell you that I am able to breath, and not feel nervous all the time.
Get out when you are ready - when you've had enough - I hope and pray that you don't wait too long or I hope and pray that he sees the light and changes for his family.
Mine wont and that's what I'm trying to deal with. It's so sad because I always wanted my son to have a Mummy & a Daddy, but in the end ... it is healthier for a child to have 1 loving parent than 2 parents who constantly argue and there is no harmony in the home.
Hope this helps you a little bit.