Husband ruining the marriage - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-27-2010, 11:36 AM Thread Starter
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Husband ruining the marriage

I have been married for 8 months now, and starting from the 2nd month into our marriage, My husband and I would fight every weekend about his drinking. I would plead and cry to him to stop drinking, that this is not him. He wasn't violent, but he just didn't know when to stop and didn't know his limit.. to the point where it was just so embarrasing to see him like that.. which hurted. numerous time, i have tried to until he got arrested for DWI - he had to wear those scram braclet for 3 months, and is currently on probation and attending classes. as soon as the braclet went off, he was at the bar. he was like he knows his limit which is two drinks, i said fine, now u know and be more responsible now.
going further, he would go by our friends house and drink with the guys.. and than turn around and talk so negatively about me to my own friends. they would come back and tell me, and i would just brush it aside. the final straw was for his bday that he got so drunk and i was so embarrass. i told him stop, his parents intervene.. that didnt help. than over the weekend, he was drinking 3 days straight and talk negatively about me. I told him i am done, and he wants to work things out.. my mom got involve, and spoke to him, and advice to me I should give it one more chance. I hope i am doing the right thing. my friends think i have gotten weak, and that he got his fingers twisted around my mom and I.
I have no emotions in any loving way for him right now... he battered it so much, that i cant even force to love him that way as before. i do care for him,but how much more can a person take. he said he will try, I just hope he will do it for himself and for us.

Do you think an alcholic can change, and I hope I made the right decision in listening to my mom.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-27-2010, 10:45 PM
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Re: Husband ruining the marriage

All I can say is OMG, your story is so similar like mine, the different is mine has gotten worse. He is started to physically abuse me. It is amazing how much woman can take to be treated like that and still giving him a chance. I don't personally know if an alcoholic can change or not but maybe if he really wants to change for himself not for anyone else. My husband has promised a million times but nothing change, words only can't guarantee, only action that you want to see. I don't blame you that you don't fee the same to him anymore, I feel the same. Their action slowly eating away our love to them. I used to think that it is my fault that he is drinking but it's not, he is addicted and can't control himself with alcohol. There is no point to tell him anything coz he won't believe that is him and alcohol doesn't mixed well. What has he given to you so that you want to stay in this marriage. I only got married not even 8 months, and ever since we have fights constantly more on every weekend and he would go and get drunk so that he can come and abuse me or didnt come home at all. My H never look after me, he doesn't know how to coz the only thing he cares is to have his cigarettes and alcohol and blaming me for everything that happened, including when he was cheating on me a million time and blamed me that I made him do that.
I don't know what to advise you but I am telling you that I am not happy and suffering from his alcohol addict and I am thinking seriously to leave him.
I hope you can find the solution or go to speak to a counsellor. I did and that is what the counsellor told me is to leave him. Coz i can't help him, he needs to help himself. Good luck
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-28-2010, 01:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband ruining the marriage

Hi sillybil, thank you for replying. I should say OMG in your situation, I am sorry, it has become physically - I commend you for leaving, for no one should be treated to that extent. I am lucky or shall say he is lucky he hasn't abuse me. I know my family will intervene.
I am battered as well emotionally, he is trying to be nice - he has helped cooked, and a bit calm now. But it has only been a week - plus, the problems only start on the weekends. I just hope he is not being false about his actions and wants to change to better himself and us.
I know i can walk away - we have no kids, and my parents will support my decison but i just feel that i need to give it one more try before trowing in the towel.
but in your situation, its is best to come out of it before it gets worst. You should live your life with less stress, happiness and just be content. evenutally, it will be hard, but that will pass.

Stay strong - you dont know how strong you are until you push forward.

Good luck dear.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-29-2010, 07:39 AM
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Re: Husband ruining the marriage

Christine, find your local AlAnon chapter and start going to its weekly meetings. You desperately NEED to go there. They will help you. That's all they do is help people who are dealing with alcoholics.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-29-2010, 07:57 PM
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Re: Husband ruining the marriage

My advice is too get out of the marriage. I wish I had, and well 11 years later, I am trying to fiqure out how I can. My husband drank alot, and to be honest we both did. But once we decided to have children that lifestyle for myself ended....for him, worse. 4 years ago I realized it wasn't just drinking, drugs and lots of them. He went to rehab, he then relapsed and then clean for a while. Now to be honest I don't know what the heck is going on, he is definatly drinking, possibly using drugs, and I don't think he is totally faithful. I just wish that I had never married him (as I did have some doubts a couple weeks prior to the wedding), and well now 11 years together, 8 of them married, 3 children, a house, and my business which is in the house, what do I do. You just don't want to be in my situation down the road. Start over, I wish I could.
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