WhiteRabbit

He's spying on her to get off. VAR/keyloggers are a temporary weapon used when there is possible infidelity. I feel these things are used to protect oneself and to find out if someone is messing around and could possibly expose you to STD's and possibly expose you and your children to a psycho OW/OM.

He isn't doing this to protect himself.It's pleasurable for him and that's what makes it a violation. He isn't giving her a choice on whether or not she wants to participate in his pleasure,he's just doing it against her will.

Grayson

I'll admit...in college, I once recorded audio of my gf and I together. I didn't tell her beforehand, so the knowledge of the recorder wouldn't prompt a "show," but would be genuine. I DID, however, tell her immediately after we were done. She didn't mind, and we had fun listening to the tape again later. But, never did it again.
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smartcookie22

Ok so it's smartcookie22 but it's been so long since I have been on here I forgot all of my information and had to create a new profile, but anyway I wanted to give an update of what happened next, so I stayed and made a valiant effort to make it work despite all the dysfunction. Well, guess what he did next?????? after, getting caught with the videotaping I stayed and worked on things - but I just wasnt feeling it and I would cry and pray to my mom daily please just give me a sign or some sort cause my soul was in misery, so one day this past august 2011 I decided to go on his laptop now mind you I hadnt been on there since discovering the videos well, i found some generic porn, whatever...still repulses me BUT I checked his history and found a link with the nickname my dad called me growing up and it struck a cord with me so naturally i clicked on it well it took me to a site called do my wife...apparently he had created a profile with pictures that I had taken for him years ago that he promised where for him only (stupid i know) but i trusted him well I had over 147 friends, comments that make me wanna hurl as they were explicit pics that i had taken for him!!!! I was in SHOCK!!!!!! still am....he is one sick bastard!!!!!! and all on the laptop that my children play on....so needless to say I'm done and I'm outta there and it has not been easy but I dont deserve that and there is nothing he could ever say or do that can repair that kind of damage I'm sorry!!!!

tacoma

Yeah, I knew he was uploading them somewhere for the world to see that`s why I said you should check his PC history earlier.

As to the comparison between this and using spying gear to catch a cheater the difference is intent.

The OP`s husband here was taping her to get his rocks off by exposing her to a hoard of other pervs which is immoral and disrespectful to her.

Taping a spouse to discover whether or not your being disrespected is an entirely different story

I wouldn`t hesitate to even use a video camera to catch a cheating spouse(Although that has it`s own risks)

smartcookie22

I just dont know if I should involve the law??? I mean I think he could potential lose his job and that would hurt myself and the kids plus our reputation!! I just dont know???

tacoma

I`m not sure you`d have a case anyway.

I suppose it depends on where you are but as nasty as what he did is I`m thinking it`s not illegal.

smartcookie22

i have spoken to an attorney and it is illegal especially since there was audio....it would cost me a fortune to fight it thought so I dont think I will, but I feel like he should pay for the damage he has caused me i wake up in cold sweats at night sometime and i always feel like im being watched it is not a good feeling!!!

tacoma

Then I`d use the threat of the law to get whatever you can from him.

First thing you should do is have that lawyer contact the site he was posting to and have them remove the videos.

Next thing you should do is tell your ass of a husband that if the videos have been posted anywhere else and you discover it you will press charges so he`d better fess up now and have them removed ASAP.

Then have that lawyer write up a ridiculously one sided divorce agreement in your favor and let your ass of a husband know if he doesn`t sign you`ll bring the law down on him.

I`d destroy him if I were you...I`d totally destroy him for this.

YinPrincess

I am so sorry he did this to you... I can completely relate to your feelings on betrayal and disgust. The fact that he was uploading them is taking it too far. It may cost a fortune to fight/prove, but if you're going through a divorce it could help your case, and quite possibly make him ACCOUNTABLE for his actions. Furthermore, if it becomes a legal proceeding, it may be a wake-up call to him, and I sincerely hope he does not do this to anyone else.

I must admit, my first thoughts reading this thread were, "at least he's not watching someone else" but the fact that he's posting these online can be so damaging to you... What if a boss or family member saw these? I would fight for it, just my opinion. Even if that meant a judge and jury viewing the evidence... But that's just me. What does your counselor think???
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smartcookie22

Thank you Yin it means allot!!! This has been so gut wrenching and soul draining experience for me....yet he still taunts me and doesnt take me seriously and until its official I try to cope for the best interest of our children...but god it's so hard! I hate him dont want to talk to him he makes my skin crawl but yet he is the father of my children.....UGH! so my attorney said it would be a separate issue from divorce complaint it would be a tevis claim, and it can be drawn out and end up costing allot of money....I feel sick all the time I just want him to go away or at least leave me alone, but he doesnt he is in denial....im just so torn!

YinPrincess

Has the account with your videos been removed??? Wishing you the best, sweetie. I also had a creepy ex like this, but he never posted anything online... Thank goodness.
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smartcookie22

Yes, it appears to be the last time I checked....thank you so much for your kind words and creepy is a good descriptive! did it take him a long time to leave you be??

YinPrincess

You're not still living together are you? Please think about your children. It would be really sick if he began taping them too!
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smartcookie22

Oh no, I've left but he gets visitation of the children though, from what I understand from my therapist is he is into me....it seems to be very specific his type of behavior....i dont know cant believe it even happened!

tacoma

Cookie, you really need to make sure he didn`t post them to other sites.

This is deviancy and deviants don`t easily give up their perversions.

I`d bet a paycheck he has those videos backed-up extensively and probably has posted them elsewhere as well.

Check his browsing history as deep as you can.
Online storage(Dropbox/cloud services)

Check for any stashed flash drives/cd`s