YinPrincess

Girl, I left him. And he continued to text and call... Even after I married! Restraining orders are a wonderful thing!
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smartcookie22

I did the best I could tacoma....but I don't have access to his laptop anymore, since I'm not in the house anymore....i took all the cds etc i could find when i left....all i can do is pray!!!!!

smartcookie22

oh boy. im thinking im just going to have to get one....and soon! thanks again

tacoma

Ok I missed that you were already out of the house.

I don`t blame you for that.

If you`re not going to pursue legal action against him I`d at the very least use the threat of legal action to try to get as much info about where he posted those videos out of him.

I`d also use the threat of legal action to take him for everything he`s got but I`m a vengeful bastard.

If you lead him to believe you have a PI searching the net looking for other copies I`d bet he goes on a deleting spree everywhere he`s ever posted them.

It can`t hurt.

I`m so very sorry he did this to you.

smartcookie22

ok thanks tacoma what should i say i used to search his laptop with? thanks!

Bartimaus

OP you and he had been married for awhile if I understand correctly. I understand how this has you in shock and am figuring that your face is in the videos he put online so as to be able for anyone to identify you,if that was his intention. If your face is in the videos...is there any chance he may have been planning a separation and divorce?
And,since you had been married for some time,if he didn't do this just to shame you (with your face being in the online videos) has he ever displayed any bi-sexual desires?
I don't know but it seems to me that he did this either to shame you because he wanted a divorce or that he has bi-sex desires and wanted you to do more than you might have been willing to do. Men don't put their 'NAKED' wives pic on the internet just to brag.

smartcookie22

Ok I should clarify, I don't know if he posted the video....I don't believe that he did, but he did post pictures that I had taken for him to a wife swapping website I believe the videos were for his viewing. I could be completely wrong....he does not want a divorce he just wants me....maybe he has bi- desires...idk? he did comment on a pic like he was assuming my identity on that site and it was a comment on the male anatomy...so IDK???? the whole thing just wiggs me out!!! FREAK!

NoIssues

Yes when they are boffing the neighbor in your bed or lying about another deal killer they are well aware of.

You fight fire with fire.

Its always best to take a gun tio a knife fight

Bartimaus

IMHO it sounds like he wants to swing.Maybe it's just a fantasy and he wouldn't go through with it,who knows. I had a friend in a similiar situation but it was the wife doing similiar things. He didn't put a stop to it and later on she left him for another man. Not another man that would do that but because she was extremely pernicious.
If your husband loves you and you want to stay together then let him know that you are totally against such a lifestyle and demand he give up his porn and change and then you demand transparency with his passwords and that he allows you to check his computer. But beware,he is living in a fantasy land and may not be willing to give it up.

J'Accused

Ok now i found this thread to, as the husband in question let me introduce some fact which my wife has conveinantly(sic) omitted.
In 2010 she sent topless pictures of herself with her name, address and face to a 22 year old bodybuilder she met online, a little reckless?
My wife would encourage me to take sexual pictures of her in lieu of having actual coitus. She is obsessed with body builders and actively tried to get on a site called beautiful people, she even enlisted our children to take the pictures of her she was putting on that site, talk about sick. To this day my wife will not admit this behavior was wrong, but somehow my fault. But despite all this i do still love her, in 2004 after her plastic surgery she wanted me to sell her nude photos on the internet for extra income, to the point were she even wanted to enlist a girlfriend in the process, so please remember when you are reading these claims there is another side of the story and these events do not happen in a vacuum

J'Accused

oh also btw Ive been awarded parent of primary residence and the children live with me so i guess the courts found the facts in my favor

J'Accused

Again lets look at the language here

"I stayed and made a valiant effort to make it work despite all the dysfunction."
What is a valiant effort, going around being a grump? holding resentment against the other person showing no affection or interest, being obsessed with your own physical training and trainers?

here some more

"but I just wasnt feeling it and I would cry and pray to my mom daily please just give me a sign or some sort cause my soul was in misery"

duhh of course you wernt feeling it, you married a man you were not physically attracted to, heres a clue "THATS IMPORTANT" if you want bodybuilders you married the wrong guy, dont blame me because you are so out of touch with what you want that you feel like you settled. So because you hid your feeling for the better part of 20 years you defrauded and deprived another person a chance at happiness because you wanted to be safe and defraud a man who was deeply in love with you. Shameful

swedish

Point taken...there is always another side and typically we don't ever hear it so we can only respond to the person that is posting with the info they provide us.

Do you really feel she was not attracted to you from the start? From what you are saying it seems you both grew apart over the years. While it's now clear she had several missteps in your marriage as well, I still find videotaping your spouse without their permission a violation of privacy. If you started dating someone (assuming you are divorced now?) would you ever consider doing this to them or in hindsight do you believe that was crossing the line?

__________________
~Swedish

No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.
Albert Einstein

J'Accused

Swedish, some very good questions there,

Firstly the attraction question, yes I feel that the initial type of "eros" love was never there, I dont believe she was repusled by me, but in her own mind felt she could "settle" with me. I can only go by her own words for that reasoning, she told me she only married me becaue I was "safe", she has posted on a thread, on this very fourum titled "I have never been physically attracted to my partner" and by the style of men whos she has shown physicall attraction to, shorter, balder, body builder, Im tall and lean with a full head of great hair. Im not judging her we all like what we like but what is vexing is that she was so not in touch with her own mind that she decided to defraud someone for close to 20 years.

Secondly, yes i regret video taping her. I understand bad behavior does not excused bad behavior, but I was so shocked to discover the pictures and discusion she was having with this 22 year old bodybuilder, i was at a lost on how to proceed, i really love this woman, and was under the perception that she just had a low libido, as she told me, turns out she just had a low libido for me. I dont believe we grew apart i think she stayed in the marriage until her mother passed, because her mother approved of me and once that need for parental pleasing was gone, she checked out of the marriage completely. werer talking about a woman who would actually put a pillow over her face during the infrequent time we would have relations, but in my blind love I figured she just had issues and complaining to her about them would only make thing worst, and no we are not divorced yet still separated, but the proceedings have turned ugly and expensive which is unfortunate for our children, but I am completely on defense on this one. I didnt want to get divorced.

swedish

Ah, I did see her other post. I still have my doubts as to whether she really was not attracted to you from the start, only because re-writing history is fairly common when a spouse is being unfaithful.

It sure does sound as if she is enjoying the attention of men that she found unattainable in her past...and I am not sure what to make of the pillow over her face...could very likely be insecurity issues although she no longer seems very shy if she is sharing naked pictures of herself with a man she has never met.

Where do you stand today? Are you divorced or separated? Where is she at as far as your marriage is concerned? You both had major breaches of trust within your marriage so you would both need to be willing to put your guard down and have an open conversation about how you got to this point and take ownership of your part in the current state of the relationship.

__________________
~Swedish

No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.
Albert Einstein