Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk - Page 10 - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #136 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-21-2014, 01:33 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

It's his problem, not yours. He's got your son, if he needs help. It's your enabling behaviors that had let this go on for 25 years.

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post #137 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-21-2014, 01:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

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It's his problem, not yours. He's got your son, if he needs help. It's your enabling behaviors that had let this go on for 25 years.

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I have guilt that our son is getting stuck with this. Should I not?
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post #138 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-21-2014, 01:54 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

How old is your son?
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post #139 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-21-2014, 01:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

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How old is your son?
23, and a college student.
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post #140 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-21-2014, 02:03 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

Your son can also say no. You need to deal with your own issues. If you feel the need to do anything, but him a copy of "No More Mr. Nice Guy"

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post #141 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-21-2014, 02:20 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

Oh, don't worry about it, then. He should be able to say no when he wants to - or at least this is a good time for him to learn how to say no. Your H has friends. Let him ask them for help.
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post #142 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-21-2014, 09:22 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

Please stop and think about the message that you truly want to send your husband here Shimmer.

In my past I had a spiral leg break and was in a cast and on crutches for 18 weeks. I was not allowed to drive. But the only thing I needed help with was accessing the bank, and grocery shopping. At the time I had 2 young children to care for. It was during the first separation from my husband. 3 years apart, before I made the mistake of believing he had really changed his ways and allowed him back. Sure, he offered, but I would not accept his help. I arranged a carpool for my daughter to get to school with one of her little friends. And my mother drove me to the bank etc. Other than that, I did everything else myself. Cooking, cleaning, laundry. Hell, I got so good on my crutches I could just about dance!

My point? Husband doesn't need you Shimmer. He has mates, his son.....himself! You really took him in at your place and let him sleep in your bed??! Wow. If he isn't milking this for all it's worth I'll count myself surprised. You're playing right into his hands Shimmer. I know it's hard when you are conditioned to care for him, but I really think it would be smart if you took a step back. He's a grown man. Make him do for himself.
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post #143 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-22-2014, 12:48 AM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

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post #144 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-22-2014, 10:39 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

You're all right of course.

I stopped by his house last night after a meeting to drop off some pads for his crutches he'd asked me to order. You should see the state of the house, it's like frat party central over there! I mean, I get that he was replacing the living room when the accident happened and that furniture had to be moved around and stacked in other rooms, but the entire downstairs is in complete disarray... it was very upsetting to me. As if a middle aged man isn't capable of managing a home on his own.

I'll be headed to my counseling appointment for the first time in a couple weeks in about an hour. I'm very anxious to see her and to get her help in setting some boundaries here, I'm about as confused as I've ever been right now. And he makes me sad, like a pitiful little child.
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post #145 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-22-2014, 11:02 AM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

Not your problem any more. He had how many years of you cleaning up his messes, literal and figurative? You've done more than enough.
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post #146 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-22-2014, 07:38 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

A broken bone slows down your mobility. It doesn't affect your hands or your ability to think. I'm assuming Husband is off work because of this? Then he has all the time in the world to clean up. If he doesn't, then that's his choice. Deliberately leaving mess so you'll feel sorry for him, or appearing helpless so you can see how much he "needs" you are manipulations that keep you close.

You are obviously a kind hearted and caring person Shimmer, and Husband knows this about you. But doing so much for him has now seriously blurred your boundaries.

Please let us know what your counselor has had to say.
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post #147 of 162 (permalink) Old 11-12-2014, 11:06 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

What happened??
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post #148 of 162 (permalink) Old 11-14-2014, 03:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

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What happened??
Nothing new to report.

I'm still in counseling, and have begun attending Al Anon meetings as well. He's still doing everything in his power to get back in my good graces and seems convinced everything's going to be fine.

I'm actually scared to death but trying to be strong. I keep reminding myself of why I left, and rereading this thread when I feel weak. He's so pitiful, and it still breaks my heart to think of hurting him.

I'm praying that Al Anon helps me to become stronger. Deep down in my heart, I feel like want I want is to move on, but making that happen is going to tear my heart out.
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post #149 of 162 (permalink) Old 11-15-2014, 08:25 AM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

Have the courage of your conviction.
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post #150 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-03-2015, 02:39 AM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

Shimmer...any updates? Are you ok?
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