Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #31 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-04-2014, 09:46 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

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Why do you look for him?
Interesting question. Because we're supposed to be there together? To make sure he stays out of trouble?

Probably more habit than anything. A pattern of 25 years.
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post #32 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-04-2014, 09:51 AM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

A bad one. Stop doing it. Nothing's going to happen to him. Except maybe he'll learn to stop being an ass.
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post #33 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-04-2014, 09:55 AM
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We are eachresponsible for our own happiness.

You say your are envious of your friends marriages. That is always dangerous to start comparing.

Personally I think you should be honest with him. Own your own decisions, dont justify your poor behavior by blaming his.

If he is bad (not judging or doubting you here) then bringing everything up in full light is the way to go. Lying, deception, manipulation are traits of behavior you know is wrong.

It sometimes sounds like you empathize and love him and then justify not feeling anything for him at times as well.

If you are truly not sticking with your husband and leaving your marriage then do the respectable thing and tell him up front and right away.

Otherwise your actions are not much better.

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post #34 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-04-2014, 10:07 AM
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A bad one. Stop doing it. Nothing's going to happen to him. Except maybe he'll learn to stop being an ass.
What she said. He's likely doing it because you feed his need. Stop doing it. And especially at this point in your relationship.

One of the reasons why many alcoholics are "functioning alcoholics" is because they have someone running around behind them, picking up the pieces. Enabling them. Stop doing that. He's going to have to learn to function on his own anyway.

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post #35 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-04-2014, 10:25 AM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

Have you been to Alanon? I can't remember.
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post #36 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-04-2014, 10:28 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

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Have you been to Alanon? I can't remember.
I have been in the past, but not lately. Every time I go he freaks out and straightens out for awhile, long enough for me to let me guard down.
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post #37 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-04-2014, 10:33 AM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

Who cares what he does?

Go because you need it.
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post #38 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-04-2014, 10:34 AM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

You notice, right, that all your answers are connected to a 'he does this/that'? You'll never make it out alive, so to speak, until you can stop connecting all YOUR actions to HIS actions. That's what you'll learn in Alanon.
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post #39 of 162 (permalink) Old 05-25-2014, 05:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

UPDATE: So, nearly 3 months later and I'm still here... things are no better or no worse, so I thought.

He's been making promises lately, big plans for the future - things he wants to buy, places we can go. Yet I go to bed alone every night while he plays games on the computer. Well - I thought he was playing games. He actually handed the tablet to me earlier today to fix something, not realizing all of his pornography tabs would come up after I repaired the wireless. *sigh*

Why am I still here, and moreover, why does he make such an effort to keep me here? Clearly I'm a distant third behind booze and pornography. I just don't get it.
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post #40 of 162 (permalink) Old 05-25-2014, 07:46 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

What would your mother say? What would your father say?
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post #41 of 162 (permalink) Old 05-26-2014, 12:38 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

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What would your mother say? What would your father say?
Part of me thinks dad would say "That's the straw that broke the camels back, you don't have to accept that kind of behavior".

But I'm also scared that he would say "Well, he's been a good provider and you've been together for a very long time, I guess it could be worse."

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post #42 of 162 (permalink) Old 05-26-2014, 12:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

The bad part?

If this had happened to one of my friends I'd tell her to leave, no hesitation. There's no reason a youthful, attractive woman should sleep alone every night while her husband sits outside getting drunk and browsing porn. NO man is worth that.

Too bad I can't take my own advice.
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post #43 of 162 (permalink) Old 05-26-2014, 08:57 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

I'm sorry to hear that nothing has changed in your circumstances Shimmer.

This quote helped me - "They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself". It's very true.

You want to see some changes in your life? Start making some decisions. You're not going to see any changes while you are sitting on the fence and maintaining the status quo.

What's stopping you? Has IC helped you to answer this question?
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post #44 of 162 (permalink) Old 05-26-2014, 10:00 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

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Part of me thinks dad would say "That's the straw that broke the camels back, you don't have to accept that kind of behavior".

But I'm also scared that he would say "Well, he's been a good provider and you've been together for a very long time, I guess it could be worse."

If your own father would say that, then you should understand WHY you would accept such horrid behavior. If your own father doesn't believe you deserve better treatment, why would YOU ever come up with the 'insane' belief that you do?
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post #45 of 162 (permalink) Old 06-27-2014, 03:04 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

There have been some very insightful, truthful, and sad comments in this thread. When you disengage emotionally and they do not notice, you have your answer.

I cannot even read romance novels anymore, and I have become a cynic about love and marriage. He is either sleeping, on the computer, or watching tv and CANNOT BE INTERRUPTED. I live in the house with another human being I hardly ever see and I have never felt more lonely.

Like the songs say, I WOULD RATHER BE ALONE THAN WITH SOMEONE AND BE LONELY.

As I was going up the stair . . . I saw a man who wasn't there . . . he wasn't there again today . . . I wish he would go away
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