I'm still here, all these months later, but have made up my mind lately that it's time to make a move. I'm miserable.
What's sad is that I think he's mostly happy. He sits in his man cave and drinks beer and plays games (and looks at porn) on his tablet and is content as can be. I sit alone in the house and spend time online, read books and go to bed early, usually alone.
He's been experiencing some ED and was appalled and offended by my gentle suggestions about seeing a doctor and having some blood work done. He mostly sleeps on the couch to avoid me and I lay in bed and cry. I don't think he's touched me in a month.
Then we get up in the morning, go to work then do it all again. Occasionally I escape by going out of town with some girlfriends and doing some shopping and maybe seeing a band, which also offends him, but he deals with it. It's almost the only fun I have.
I came dangerously close to entering an EA with an old friend after doing some messaging online, so had to cut off contact before it went too far. What's sad is that the interaction was wonderful and it made me realize that I'm extremely vulnerable to male attention. Scarily so. I've been a faithful wife for many, many years and don't want to go out THAT way.
I've spent this week psyching myself up to do what I know I have to do. I need to leave, and file for divorce. Oh God I don't want to tell him, he'll be crushed and I hate that. I really, truly hate to see him hurt, even after all of this.