Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #76 of 162 (permalink) Old 09-04-2014, 11:25 AM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

No, of COURSE you don't go out with him for a weekend! Is he crazy?

No, he's just trying to manipulate you to do what HE wants. "If I get her alone and woo her, it'll all go away and she'll go back to wanting to be with me."

He is NOT respecting you or your feelings. Tell him thank you, but no.

No other explanation is needed.

btw, him being in 'destraught' is a GOOD thing. How else will he ever be urged to do the hard work and get better if he doesn't suffer the consequences? He must feel the pain to want to change. You can't fix this for him, ok?
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post #77 of 162 (permalink) Old 09-04-2014, 11:34 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

I know this much. My anxiety had gone wayyy down to a level I was really enjoying, and now it's back, full force. Racing thoughts, heart beating out of my chest... UGHHH.

But the thought of disappointing him makes it even worse! I'm going to have to learn to be assertive, I guess.

Does he not realize that this problem is bigger than a weekend away can fix?
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post #78 of 162 (permalink) Old 09-04-2014, 11:39 AM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

Most men don't. They grow up being 'taught' that all you have to do to get a woman is buy flowers, smell good, smile a lot, and woo them. They don't see women as complete human beings with equal needs. (present company excluded)

Shimmer, if you go with him, you ruin ALL the progress you've made so far. Look at it as a medical thing, if you have to. Your psychology is just as important as your medical health. And right now, your psychological health NEEDS to be away from him for the foreseeable future.

You weren't born on this earth just to please another human being, let alone one who has hurt YOU so much. Don't do that to yourself. Do you have someone you can call who will tell you you're wonderful and important and beautiful? (aside from him, who lies)
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post #79 of 162 (permalink) Old 09-04-2014, 11:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

I just told him. He was very dejected. I just said he should speak to the counselor about it when he sees her this afternoon.

And he just called me back again, and he's angry.

This is not a good day.
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post #80 of 162 (permalink) Old 09-04-2014, 01:03 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

The two of you (him more than you) seem unclear on the point of the separation. Did you have any kind of discussion about what it would mean? How you envisioned things? How finances might be handled?

Getting both of you on the same page might cause some pain up front, but might go a long way to reducing resentments and animosity down the road.

C
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post #81 of 162 (permalink) Old 09-04-2014, 01:28 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

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I just told him. He was very dejected. I just said he should speak to the counselor about it when he sees her this afternoon.

And he just called me back again, and he's angry.
Like I said, 100% manipulation, using whatever it takes to put you back in your box, and having NOTHING to do with you or your feelings.

What a jerk.
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post #82 of 162 (permalink) Old 09-04-2014, 01:30 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

Remind me, have you read this book yet? If not, it's time.
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post #83 of 162 (permalink) Old 09-04-2014, 01:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

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Remind me, have you read this book yet? If not, it's time.
I was in the middle of the book about anger you recommended when I left, and now I can't find my Kindle! Hopefully it'll turn up this weekend and then I'll move on to the next book when I finish it.
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post #84 of 162 (permalink) Old 09-04-2014, 01:35 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

The Dance Of Anger? I think you need to read WDHDT? first. It will help you see him more clearly, now that you're away from him, so that you can deal with your relationship in an unemotional, clinical, and logical way.
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post #85 of 162 (permalink) Old 09-04-2014, 01:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

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The two of you (him more than you) seem unclear on the point of the separation. Did you have any kind of discussion about what it would mean? How you envisioned things? How finances might be handled?

Getting both of you on the same page might cause some pain up front, but might go a long way to reducing resentments and animosity down the road.

C
The night that I left I gave him an outline of what my expectations were for the separation, but he was probably rather shell shocked at the moment and didn't retain a lot of it. I think maybe next week when emotions have stabilized a bit we can get together and go over "the rules" together.
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post #86 of 162 (permalink) Old 09-04-2014, 01:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

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The Dance Of Anger? I think you need to read WDHDT? first. It will help you see him more clearly, now that you're away from him, so that you can deal with your relationship in an unemotional, clinical, and logical way.
Will do. :-)
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post #87 of 162 (permalink) Old 09-08-2014, 07:46 PM
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I'm not trying to be disrespectful, you sound like a great woman, but am I to believe from your posts that he only drinks beer? Maybe it's my Irish heritage but I couldn't get drunk off of beer if I tried.
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post #88 of 162 (permalink) Old 09-09-2014, 10:15 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

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I'm not trying to be disrespectful, you sound like a great woman, but am I to believe from your posts that he only drinks beer? Maybe it's my Irish heritage but I couldn't get drunk off of beer if I tried.
95% of the time, yes, beer only... but a LOT of it. Anywhere from a 12-18 pack daily. He sometimes manages to get quite drunk this way. He also has a very thin build, maybe this makes a difference.
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post #89 of 162 (permalink) Old 09-09-2014, 10:20 AM
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95% of the time, yes, beer only... but a LOT of it. Anywhere from a 12-18 pack daily. He sometimes manages to get quite drunk this way. He also has a very thin build, maybe this makes a difference.
How the hell does he consume 1200 to 1800 calories in beer alone and still maintain a slim build?

C
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post #90 of 162 (permalink) Old 09-09-2014, 10:21 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

Just a small update:

We're past the one week mark and not much has changed. His moods seem to be stabilizing, where for the first few days he was all over the place, from anguished to angry and everywhere in between.

Now he seems very committed to doing whatever possible to "win me back" and is bending over backwards to find a place in my life. I did agree to go to dinner with him once a week, and tonight's the night. He showed up drunk for last weeks dinner, so here's hoping he can do a little better this week.

As for me, I'm content. I'm enjoying the peace and tranquility of my own little place, although I miss my furbabies terribly. Thankfully, one of them came with me. As for the husband... I don't miss him at all at this point, in fact my anxiety ratchets up when he calls, no matter how nice he is. Maybe this will change, and maybe it won't. I intend to keep seeing my counselor for the duration.
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