I came dangerously close to entering an EA with an old friend after doing some messaging online, so had to cut off contact before it went too far. What's sad is that the interaction was wonderful and it made me realize that I'm extremely vulnerable to male attention. Scarily so. I've been a faithful wife for many, many years and don't want to go out THAT way.
Good for you. Don't go out that way.
I rarely visit the R & A forum, but your situation caught my attention. Allow me to share a story.
I was very much like your husband once. Married about the same length of time. My wife was tired of my drinking as well - as she should have been. But she handled it differently. Instead of confronting me, she chose to display her resentment, withhold sex and to lead a separate life with her friends. She avoided me. This went on for a couple of years. Then I made the decision, on my own, to go to rehab; and I'll admit, my only reason was to save our marriage.
I completed rehab, got back in shape and stayed sober. Tried to be the best husband I could be. But there was still a problem. My wife's attitude and lifestyle didn't change much. The reason for this, as I found out a year later, was because she was having a 2 year affair with her best friend's husband. To her, she hoped it was an exit affair. But when I finally caught her, he threw her under the bus - at the same time I kicked her out of the house.
I thinks it's fair to say she eventually realized; THAT wasn't how she wanted to go out either.
We're in R now, and you can read my original thread if you want more details. But I just wanted to comment on how I admire the way you are handling this.
I wish you the best, no matter what you decide to do.