Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #121 of 162 (permalink) Old 09-17-2014, 02:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

I had a good session with my counselor today.

She says it's time to go ahead and let him know that his drinking is a deal breaker for me and that he has to quit if he wishes for our marriage to have any chance. I have no idea how he'll take this development, although I'm pretty sure a great amount of panic will be involved.

She also said to plan to be separated for the long haul, as even if we hope to reconcile we have a long, hard road ahead of us. Fine with me, I'm very happy in my own little space.

I'll check in again once the deed is done, it may be a few days until I can get together with him.
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post #122 of 162 (permalink) Old 09-17-2014, 02:45 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

Smart counselor.
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post #123 of 162 (permalink) Old 09-30-2014, 11:57 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

Hello all. Just checking in to report that there are not many changes in my situation. We're still separated and he's still doing everything he can think of to make me happy, with the exception of stopping drinking.

Lately I've allowed my heart to soften a little and have been feeling really sad for him. He's sooo heartbroken and contrite, like I've never seen him really. Sometimes I struggle with worrying more about him than I do myself.

And as for myself, I'm content. I'm steadily fixing up my little apartment and never could have dreamed I'd be okay living in such a small space. Right now it just feels right.

I'm still in counseling and that's about it. I'll post again when I have something interesting to share.
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post #124 of 162 (permalink) Old 09-30-2014, 12:03 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

He may never stop, but he may - when the pain of losing you outweighs the pain of losing alcohol.
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post #125 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-21-2014, 11:57 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

Well, nearly a month has gone by, and my situation has changed just a bit.

Just about a week ago the husband fell and broke his ankle, necessitating emergency surgery, and no, he wasn't drunk when it happened, he had just gotten off of work when it happened. Believe me, I asked.

Of course, I couldn't abandon him, so stayed with him as much as possible at the hospital, then brought him home with me to my apartment for the first few days. He was very grateful and thanked me profusely. You could say he's acted like my dream husband over the past few weeks, save for the drinking, which has been restrained but in no way stopped.

I haven't seen my counselor in two weeks due to her vacation and then his accident but go back tomorrow. I can hardly wait, BOY do I need to talk.

I remain resolute, but have to admit, I feel terribly sorry for him, he's just pitiful. It all breaks my heart.
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post #126 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-21-2014, 12:56 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

How did he get access to alcohol if he's tripped up in a cast?
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post #127 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-21-2014, 12:58 PM
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How did he get access to alcohol if he's tripped up in a cast?
By emotionally manipulating her?

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post #128 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-21-2014, 01:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

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By emotionally manipulating her?

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He left my apartment for several hours one weekend to watch football with the guys. When he got back he didn't act drunk at all but his breath absolutely reeked of beer, woke me up all night long with it.
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post #129 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-21-2014, 01:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

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By emotionally manipulating her?

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But I do have to admit, although I have not bought alcohol for him and I won't, he's so pitiful that the temptation is there. It's a sickness we all share, that's for sure. He's about as low as he's ever been right now.
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post #130 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-21-2014, 01:15 PM
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He left my apartment for several hours one weekend to watch football with the guys. When he got back he didn't act drunk at all but his breath absolutely reeked of beer, woke me up all night long with it.
Is he back in your bed, then?

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post #131 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-21-2014, 01:17 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

If he's going out to a pub to watch a game, he's healed enough to go back home and take care of himself.

Time to send him packing.
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post #132 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-21-2014, 01:20 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

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Is he back in your bed, then?

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Yes, but only by necessity. It's a small studio and there was no other way. He's injured - no monkey business.
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post #133 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-21-2014, 01:22 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

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If he's going out to a pub to watch a game, he's healed enough to go back home and take care of himself.

Time to send him packing.
He went back home yesterday, and now our son is helping him. He'll be on crutches for at least 6-8 weeks. I'm helping by bringing some meals over, washing clothes, etc. I just don't feel like I can abandon him right now, and am hoping my counselor can help me out tomorrow by further defining my role when it comes to him and his injury.
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post #134 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-21-2014, 01:29 PM
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

I'm sorry, but I'me going to be harsh. I've had numerous broken bones, including an ankle that needed surgery. And most adults can get by reasonably well on their own. Maybe some help going shopping or something, but nothing that required 24/7 care. You're letting yourself get suckered in to his mess, and the only person you have to blame is you.

In the case of his coming home smelling of beer, the appropriate response (since the real solution of him not being there wasn't in place) was to call him on his BS and drive him over to his place. He would have your number and 911 if he needed help.

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post #135 of 162 (permalink) Old 10-21-2014, 01:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Married to Maybe the Most Functional Alcoholic Ever, and Ready to Walk

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I'm sorry, but I'me going to be harsh. I've had numerous broken bones, including an ankle that needed surgery. And most adults can get by reasonably well on their own. Maybe some help going shopping or something, but nothing that required 24/7 care. You're letting yourself get suckered in to his mess, and the only person you have to blame is you.

In the case of his coming home smelling of beer, the appropriate response (since the real solution of him not being there wasn't in place) was to call him on his BS and drive him over to his place. He would have your number and 911 if he needed help.

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I'm sure you're right, and I need harsh. Remember, I've been living with this for 25 years, and he's using every trick in the book to keep me in his life right now. What I wouldn't give for this not to have happened, UGH!!!!
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