Giving up, I can't help him. Want him out!
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Relationships and Addiction » Giving up, I can't help him. Want him out!

Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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Old 08-04-2010, 06:26 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Giving up, I can't help him. Want him out!

My husband and I have been struggling with our marriage for about a month and half now. It's been a long haul of me trying to maintain it and him just being like a roommate to me. I've put in so much effort and attempted to bring us full circle in our marriage to put us back where we used to be. I must finally face the truth, and that is: he is no good for me right now.

Although we have only been married a year his drinking has increased dramatically in the last year. It's to the point now where he is an everyday drinker and gets hammered drunk on a regular basis (2-3 times per week). I'm so tired of being treated like I don't matter and it hurts me everyday to co-exist with someone like this. He's probably remaining in his depressive state because he refuses to get help or go to a doctor. He is just stagnat and not moving forward in his life. He's made no attempt to re-enroll in school. His daily life consists of work, sleep and drinking. It's so bad that he has begun to neglect a cat that we own which he is responsible for feeding each day. He takes the time after work to go and get more booze every night, (which is putting us in financial turmoil -one of the reasons he drinks) but he can't seem to walk right next door the grocery area and buy more cat food. I was not aware that we had been out of canned cat food for our cat until today when I went home for lunch and he was in the shower, and the cat had not been fed. So I went to the cupboard, and checked the dirty dishes. I don't think he has treated the cat to canned food in days. This cat has a daily routine. And it's not fair to him to do this.

I tried to wake him up on the sofa last night and got treated horribly. He was drunk and incoherent. I don't understand why he feels the need to do this, and then treat me so poorly (both when he is sober and when he is drunk).

So after all this I've had enough. I want him out. We rent, my maiden name is on the lease. We've been in the same place about 4 years. I just want him to leave. But our lease has expired and we are now out of contract anyway.

So I need some suggestions as to how to remove him from my home legally. I honestly don't even care if he must resort to living in his truck or a shelter.
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Old 08-11-2010, 07:11 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Giving up, I can't help him. Want him out!

I went down the same path he's on. The only way he is going to change is when HE wants to change. You cannot not force it. So getting him out is probably your best option, especially if he is becoming abusive.

Not sure exactly what you mean by "treated horribly", but if it rises to the level of abuse, your best bet is to get a Domestic Violence Protective Order against him. I know this seems severe, but it was the wake-up call I needed to get sober.

I'll assume 99508 is your zip code and point you to this resource:

WomensLaw.org | Alaska: Domestic Violence Protective Orders

Good luck!
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Old 08-11-2010, 09:31 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Giving up, I can't help him. Want him out!

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Originally Posted by Stuie View Post
I went down the same path he's on. The only way he is going to change is when HE wants to change. You cannot not force it. So getting him out is probably your best option, especially if he is becoming abusive.

Not sure exactly what you mean by "treated horribly", but if it rises to the level of abuse, your best bet is to get a Domestic Violence Protective Order against him. I know this seems severe, but it was the wake-up call I needed to get sober.

I'll assume 99508 is your zip code and point you to this resource:

WomensLaw.org | Alaska: Domestic Violence Protective Orders

Good luck!
Oh my. I'm so sorry to have mislead you. My husband has never laid a hand on me, ever. Never ever. At least not in a violent way. But he has/had become neglectful of me. He is trying now to be more civil but we are still separating. Basically he just began ignoring me. I would CONSTANTLY get one word answers. He treated me like I was garbage, that he didn't want anymore. However, we've decided to try and end our marriage in a good light, and be nice and pleasant with each other. Arguing only makes us unhappy. He is leaving me though, not the other way around. So we're both on the same page. I would love to try and make our marriage work, but you're right he has to work out his issues in his own way and on his own. I am deeply saddened but I'm hoping that by setting him free... he will come back to me. If he doesn't then so be it. I've resigned to the fact that if someone doesn't want to be with me respectfully, then I don't want to be with them either. His drinking will bother me until the end of time. That's no way to live your life or be apart of mine. So what's done is done, and we'll move on together... in a new way... as best friends who were once married. Luckily there are no children involved.
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